Hey Navy, I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope you keep real close tabs on some of the other sitch's that are in a similar place as yours. This part may very well prove out to be the hardest. Just make sure to keep your cool and think before you act.
You are in a fantastic spot, take advantage of it.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Navy, Wow, words CANNOT express how happy I am for you at this time. Not only do you get a nice set of shiny gold oak clusters for your lapels, you also get a nice pay raise and your family back. Dude, I would have to say that this might be one of the best months in some time for you. But, remember, now the real hard work begins. Getting your WAS to come home is just stage one. Stage two now begins and it is even harder than stage one, so I am told. You need to spend some time working on your plan to make your second chance worth it for your and your w. You need to make sure that you do the things necessary to make your w understand and feel that coming home was the right thing to do. You need to make sure that you are never here again. What is that plan, Navy? If you can make Lt. Cmdr., you can do this with one arm tied behind your back.
I am proud to call you a BITS!!! Just don't forget about us LBS's out here when you living it up with your family again.
BITS never walk alone!!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Thanks for the wishes everyone. 24 hours until they are here...tomorrow's going to be a long day at work. I got W's new "office" set up in the basement, I think she will like it...she may not tell me that though, and that will be fine.
My plan...kindness, acceptance, listening, and patience. This has to go on her terms and at her speed...I don't think anything else will work. I do want to discuss what she wants our living arrangement to be though. I don't want to assume anything..how can I bring that up?
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Hey Navy! First off, congrats man. I think that this is absolutely fantastic!!! I'm so happy for you.
The first thing that you need to burn into your brain is to focus on what you have learned during this S from your W. Do NOT backslide on the changes that have gotten you to this point. I don't know if you've followed my thread, but I have been getting close to reconciliation with my W as well. I noticed on a recent trip that I took with her that I had to catch myself from falling back into some bad old habits. I did a pretty good job, but it did scare me. As things become more 'normal', it may become easy to become complacent. I'd suggest going back and reading some of your very first threads here to remind yourself just how badly you want to avoid backsliding.
Second, as to your question... I'd probably suggest just asking her what she is comfortable with and being honest with her about what you are comfortable with. Might as well start this off with open and honest communication of each other's feelings.
Good luck man!!! I wish nothing but the best for you.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Well, they got in at about 10:30 last night. The kids are very happy to be home...D5 keeps commenting how nice it is to be home.
Once we got the kids to bed and the van unpacked, we sat on the couch with a bottle of wine and "hung out" just like we used to. We talked about all sorts of things, and had some good laughs and I think we made some tiny baby steps toward reconnecting. No R/M talk, other than when it started to get really late, I asked her if it would work better for her if I sleep on the couch or downstairs. She said "no, we can share the bed, but I just want space". I replied that "I can do that", and we went to bed. While we were laying there I simply said "thanks" and I'm sure she knew why I was saying it.
W is not wearing her ring, but it's really not bothering me...our old marriage is dead, so until she's ready to get "re-married" I wouldn't expect her to wear it.
The decorations I put up in the kids' room and W's new workspace seem to have gone over pretty well...W commented how cute the butterfly pictures I put up in D5's room are.
Well, so far so good. W leaves tonight to go spend the weekend with her friend in Ohio for a much-needed break. I'm sure she'll have a great time...I'm looking forward to taking the kids to see the sights of DC.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
I've followed some of your sitch Navy. I'm glad to see things are looking up for you. I wanted to stop by and wish you luck.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
