And if you confront him and he retaliates by not paying the bills? Do you have resources to get you buy until the legal process kicks in?
Also - why isn't the process moving forward? Does this limbo benefit you in any way? Or does it benefit him? Could he be hiding money from you, or running up big debts?
I don't Know why he isn't moving forward with it, but my lawyer said dont push it forward because I am getting more this way then I would get with alimony/ child support.
I have not run a credit check. Never even thought about it. I just Know he always complains about being broke yet he just spent a week in Vegas with his girlfriend.
All me dropping off his boxes would acclompish is me showing him i know where he is living and with who. It would also acclompish getting some of his stuff that has been packed up out of the house. why doesn't he want it? Why won't he take it ?
You have me second guessing that idea though. Need more time to think about it.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
If you are currently getting more money than you would after a divorce, I'd think seriously about not rocking the boat.
HOWEVER - I would check his credit report to make sure he's not running up any huge debts that you could be stuck with (you don't have any more joint cards, do you? I think since he's filed you are protected from new debt of his, but not positive. And check YOUR credit report to make sure there hasn't been any fraudulent activity in your name).
Also - are there 401ks he could be raiding, or kids' college funds? Try to gather as much financial info as you can.
Then, if it is to your financial advantage to stay where you are, do so - but rocking the boat about his stuff is risky to your current financial state.
Do you have a job? Should you be going to school to acquire new job skills? Anything you could get him to pay for right now (needed dental work, etc) DO IT. And if you don't have any funds of your own, think about trying to squirrel away a little extra cash for that rainy day. Or at least stock up on canned goods!
Thanks kml You definetaly have me thinking. You are right I probaly shouldn't rock the boat right now. It sounded like a great idea at the time, I would love to see the look on his face, but it Might not be the best time.
I am still on his insurance, so yes I am taking care of everything I need to now. In fact I needed a hystetctomy and had that done 6 weeks ago. I have another surgery I want/ need done and will get that done before the end of the year.
He always said I should take a class. So recently when I said what I was interested in and asked if he would help he didn't like what I wanted to do and said he woulnt help me with that, but then said what he would pick for me. Kind of pissed me off that he thinks he can still tell me what I can and can not do.
Sorry for the ramble, guess it's been awhile since I vented.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Haven't kept up with you since you moved over to this forum.
I just want to say that my H filed for a D in Feb 2010...I have done my best to NOT do all the work...unfortunately, the court system is pushing for us to get this done...
Who knows why they file and not follow thru...maybe they want us to do all the work...it doesn't really matter...if you are better off how you are now...don't push anything and let him do the work! I know you and I share similiar health issues and I am trying to keep the insurance as long as I can!
Quote:
He always said I should take a class. So recently when I said what I was interested in and asked if he would help he didn't like what I wanted to do and said he woulnt help me with that, but then said what he would pick for me. Kind of pissed me off that he thinks he can still tell me what I can and can not do.
Hmmm...still wanting to be in control....
(((hugs)))
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I'm there with kml, be very very careful! ex used to be the most conciencious debt free guy I knew, once he blew his lid he run up thousands of dollars in debt and had to file for bankrupcy... do make sure your credit won't suffer... and I wouldn't be surprised if in a couple of months he changes his mind about many things, he is still in the "new-R high" ... bet the gf thinks he is divorced.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I dont know what the GF thinks. All I know is that he continued to lie about even having one to me. And now I find out where he moved an hour away is right next door to her apartment. I think that was the original place he moved. I am sure they are living together now.
I just feel so sick. I dont know why. He has been gone for 9 months. Why is this all hitting me so hard now.
I so want to let him know that I know about the girlfriend, and where he is living. I also feel I should let him know it is inappropriate to put up pics of him and his GF that our daughters can see since we aren't divorced yet.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Another thing that had been on my mind. I have been on a roll here lately.
My ex did the taxes jointly and he told me I would be only be getting back the % I put in. So say I put in 10,000 I would only get a percent of that back. I talked to my lawyer and he said NO. If he filled jointly I get back 50% if not more of the refund. I have not told him this yet. Because whenever I ask he says it wasn't deposited yet. I told him I need a copy of the return. He was in Vegas last week for a week so I haven't been able to tell him this news yet anyways. He probably spent the return in Vegas !!
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
I have sat back these pass 9 months and have been so passive. No calling him up crying, calling just to talk. I have been just going with the flow. Hoping you he would see his mistake.
But now with the things I have learned this pass week. I am tired of sitting back and being mrs nice girl. Someone asked me what good would it do if I let him know that I knew about him and his girlfriend. It would show him I am starting to stick up for myself. It will show him I am not going to keep his secrets anymore.
My daughters have seen his FB picture with him And his girlfriend. If I don't say About it being innapropriate what am I showing my girls to sit back be quite and take crap from a man. Shouldn't I speak up and show them to have respect for themselves ?
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
usually an A goes south 6-12mths... if not, they it prob means they will staty together (ex lived with a GF when S, then he came back).
Without bitterness, you can ask him to remember that unlike him, the girls are starting to process him leaving the family and dealing with a lot, that it will affect them separately seeing GF so soon and you guys not being divorcd yet. It will be hard, but try to saiy it matter-of-factly so that his thick brain doesn't rule out as being 'too emotional/bitter/jelous'...
The girls aren't stupid and by now might guess what's going on, so if they ask be careful how you address it, don't sound angry or defensive, show them how strong you are.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
