SA - those fears that we are going to loose our children to the OP are normal...we have already lost our H's to them....but as you can see it's just our own insecurities...our children are much wiser and more perceptive than we think...they can see through these people. Obviously the OW in your case has major issues herself to treat your D the way she did...but then it shouldn't be a surprise...I have no respect for women that get involved with married man and take husbands and fathers away from families.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
That feeling of fear never stops. I still hate my step children having anything to do with the OW. My own children do not, but the boys have to. What can I say? I've just been their step-mom for 20+ years. And the grandchildren. THAT's a whole other bucket of worms.
I know I have no reason to be insecure about their feelings for me, but doing so just makes me human.
You have to wonder how the H tolerates his children being done that way. They are so blind!
Thank you Brooklyn, Everhopeful, Mila, and Punkin. Only those who have experienced this, can understand.
I do have a feeling my D12 didn't put up with a whole lot from ow. D is spunky and has no problem sticking up for herself. I do believe it comes from being the youngest.
Just journaling a bit here.
H picked up D12 last Sat. (D18 had to work.) Sunday is his usual day for visitation, but because it was Easter he took her on Sat. instead.
The unusual thing about this is that he kept her out from 9:00 am until 8:45 pm. H has never done this before. (not counting vacation) The most he has ever spent with the girls on his visitation is four hours. The usual is three.
H took D to get her hair cut and highlighted. He took her shopping and bought her a new Easter dress. They ran errands all day.
Another strange thing about all of this is that it was ow's day off. Where as beforehand H was really possessive about his and ow's free time, even to the point of blowing off the girl's and his time together.
ow texted H a lot during this time, but did not join them at any point. I do have to wonder if ow had had enough of D12 during vacation. LOL
Anyway, it made D12 feel good that her Dad made time with her a priority instead of the ow.
I can't say whether men feel as deep a bond with their chldren as women do, but I can say that my H and I, many years ago, when D32 was a pre-teen, that we had a huge fight over her. Something she said or did. I remember telling H that he should never make me choose between him or my kids, my kids would win everytime.
I think this was before we married, in fact. Maybe your D did give OW a run for her money. Maybe, she just can't feel for other people's kids. Either way, maybe H got a long hard look at the OW this trip. Here's Hoping!
29 years ago today, I stood before God, family and friends and vowed to love and cherish my H till death do us part.
I still do not understand why or what was so bad about our marriage that H felt he had to leave, and then after 15 months, file for divorce.
I have accepted that I may never know the real reasons he had for doing what he did. On May 5, H will have been gone for 18 months. In looking back, he has been gone for a lot longer than that.
I still don't understand why he seems so filled with hatred of me that he can't even look at me. Yesterday, I was out mowing the lawn, something H used to love to do. H came and got D12, and took her out for a motorcycle ride. H parked at the end of the driveway out by the road to pick her up. He motioned for her to come and get on the bike out there instead of pulling in as usual. I know it was because he didn't want to see me.
I did wonder if while he was out riding the bike with D, if he thought back to 29 years ago and remembered that we were out riding the bike on the day before our wedding.
I have let H go, and know this is very likely my last anniversary still legally married to him.
As for me, I will keep the vow I made to love H till death. No one can take that from me. I love him enough to let him go and find the happiness that he didn't find with me.
That last line: "I love him enough to let him go and find the happiness he didn't find with me. "
Seeking, I know that is how you feel. And it is great that you are able to reach the stage of the process. I too feel much the same way. But I like to think of it a bit differently. "I love him enough to let him go and find the happiness he turned away from with me."
You were never the cause of his unhappiness. Just a convenient scapegoat, as most of us are. I have no doubt that you have wonderful, loving memories of your married life. He has them too, albeit buried behind a wall of his own self-regard. But like JUMANJI-remember that movie?- it won't stay ignored forever. The drums will start to pound in the back of his mind, and those memories will leak out. What he does with them remains to be seen. Happy Anniversery, Seeking. You keep the memories of today you want to keep. Buy yourself a bouquet and go bike riding in the park. Something for you, alone. (((HUGS)))
I too had a wedding anniversary this week, my 27th.
It was a hard day to get through as my mind wandered all day about the great times we shared. I, like you, do not really see what was so bad between us. We loved much, accomplished much and appeared to be well rooted in happiness.
Of course, I never heard from H on the anniversary day. He does not now acknowledge it to have any significance.
It was a such blow to me when he left. I, like you, now look back and realize he was gone in mind and spirit long before he took the steps out the door.
While I know why he left, I still cannot believe that he did not truly love me enough to support me and stand by me when for 26 years I was his biggest fan and supporter. I can only assume that my H's weakness is his inability to be compassionate. Others have said he always had a cold heart. I believe them now.
I, too, took my wedding vows very seriously. I have taken the same vow to love him until death. I am still supporting him by letting him go.....supporting his thoughts about what he wants now.
It's all quite strange and funny at the same time...
Take care, make today a good day for you,
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
