suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem
I love that Tipper. My H has sent me texts at various times, telling me his life is not worth living or he would be better off dead. At first I was very upset about these and would react, but in the end I worked out he was attention seeking and stopped reacting. However I still get anxious. He ususally sends this sort of text about every 3 months or so, and then runs back into Replay and spend spend spends his way through the next few months before it all starts all over again.
I have found the article very helpful as when I read it, it helps me realise just how bad things have to get for them before they may ever start to look at themselves.
Most people who have a problem, regardless of what it is, won't hit rock bottom, there are many reasons for that. I think the biggest reason is, other people won't let them. People want to "help" the person in crisis, therefore they become enablers to these people. Same thing applies to MLCers. I am of the opinion that the LBS must totally detach to have any kind of a chance.
Oh, the enablers. I've seen that a lot. H has other friends who are (in my opinion) in MLC too...misery loves company. They encourage his crazy behavior, so in his eyes it must be okay. These are new friends. The ones who know us both have detached. A couple are trying to help. I've warned them they are only setting themselves up for dissapointment when H doesn't listen, again.
Me-36 H-37 D11 S8 S6 M9 T19 ILYNILWY 11/10 discover EA 02/11 discover EA is really PA/H moved out 03/11 H wants to go to counselling,piecing 12/11 Find out still OW(plural), I'm officially done/detached 04/12
You are sooo right about detachement. I have recently realised although i felt detached there was a small thread keeping me attached. Boy I'm working on that now plus the fear attached to it.
Braveheart you are right about MLCers and rock bottom. I have also seen my H get to what appears to be rock bottom then bounce because he has managed to find the money from somewhere to keep his fantasy life with OW in play. This time I am holding my breath as there is no more money left but at the moment his fantasy life continues.
While I suspect that MLCers need to hit bottom to come out of it, many do not, and it isn't only other people enabling them. Many MLCers seem to get stuck in victim mentality mode. They see others as rejecting them, even though they actually did the abandoning. They remain stuck in misery without the tools or the will to sort themselves out.
I think this is the hardest part for the spouse, seeing someone who is not going to get better. In a bad way, but not bad enough to prompt them to do something.
Rock bottom is where the pain of continuing the addiction is greater than the considerable task of recovery. Read that somewhere.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Beatrice, you are very right, in order for anyone to overcome any problem, they must WANT to do it. Most will not for whatever reason. As I posted above, many enable them or make excuses for their behavior, so why should they? MLC is no different, people who have spouses in this hang on to them instead of totally letting them go.
What happens when the mlc spouse remarries? Are they stuck? My ex seems to be doing just fine....although I don't see or talk to him, so I guess I really don't know.
One of his statements to me was....."you made me leave my family"!
I have no idea what his progress his. I just wish we could be civil for our son. Our son is so full of anger and hurting. It's been well over two years and the anger continues....even hatred. I contributed gothic in the beginning by begging, stalking, screaming, blaming, and all the rest. I couldn't handle it. I regret the way I acted but cannot take it back. I have asked for forgiveness. Nothing more I can do.
