42 days dark and you get that. All it proves is that the more we think we know the more we realize we don't know anything. I agree with your approach keep it light
Since everything we are doing is about us then the email holds little bearing on anything. It should be looked as an email from a friend sharing something with you. \
Maybe she missed you?
Maybe she wanted to reach out?
Maybe she had no one else to email?
Who knows and who cares right?
I don't know if you are the winner of the least likely award. I have already taken that title but hey second place is not to bad is it??
I'm just happy my dad never took me shopping for a sports bra... that would have been embarrasing... lol
So then, this past weekend, D13 decides she wants to shop again. We go out and she negotiates ear rings, but confesses her current holes have grown in, so needs new piercings, but it's not cheap. She gives up clothes for new ear studs... Then, she asks me when we get back if she can put her new ear rings in. They're plastic. I figure, no harm, should not reject and cleaning should be the same.
Yeah, well... she gets the studs out and can't get the rings in. So now we have to get the studs back in. ewwwwww... I don't ever want to do that again.
ok, so I send a quick, light message back to W, validating that she IS a bad mother and mentioning something about a bus, and being in front of it... jk...
Just said that D8 didn't mention much about the cheer camp thing, how it was otherwise decent with the kids, how this weekend will look with kids and that's about it.
So that's it, right?
Nope... my W then responds within the hour again... *sigh*
More on the bad mom thing, more light stuff, some kid stuff... first email she signs with a ttyl... this one she signs off letting me know she's exhausted and heading off to bed...
bah...
Anyhow. Nothing there. Just casual conversation. Bizarre.
A bus... I need a bus...
Jes sayin'. Really, just journaling here. Interesting actions. No big deal. I think she's bored...
A few more emails bounced back and forth. I've responded to about 50% of them, in regards to kids... and dog...
That one was a bit of a struggle. W's conference this weekend ends up being only 36 hours or so, rather than the usual whole weekend. Sounds like she's a little down about not having other plans since the kids won't be with her and she only found out last minute about the shortened event and usually needs a week to plan spontaneous events.
Anyhow, the dog... she asked if I would take the dog since FS16 was not going to be around this weekend, but if I couldn't / wouldn't, she would make alternate plans. Could have done this many ways, but decided I would take the dog. He enjoys it here, still I feel that in some ways I'm doing her a favour. Oh well. It's been a while since I've done her a favour. She asked, it's NP, so I'll take the dog...
The rest of the emails were interspersed with pleasantries and I mostly avoided that talk, but did toss little casual niceties her way just because...
But her last email kinda says a lot. Her grandfather has been having heart problems for the past year or so. He recently had an operation. Kids suggested (I'm guessing it's how the family played it to them) that he was doing great after the surgery. That may not be the case. Apparently he collapsed three days ago and was taken to the hospital again. He's "ok" now, but...
I would hate to have to forgive him postmortem, for his comments about me to her half a year ago. Who knows what else he might have said about me. Still, they were comments that I would not otherwise have known. And I'm not a dink. Trying to decide whether I should go visit with him or just keep myself posted on his progress through W. Not my normal behaviour to visit people in hospitals...
I'm not asking about him, even though she knows I know he has been having problems. She's told me directly in the past of some of the stuff (though not about the surgery until way after it happened). Still, I should send get well wishes to him, through her. Probably later tonight.
But, in the mean time, have to run and grab the kids. Should be another fun filled, soggy weekend... lol... hopefully not, sun is shining and it's gorgeous, but forecast calls for rain over next couple days again. grrr...
First, I wish everyone the best of luck. I am likely going darker than dark and will be disappearing from this site for a bit, as well. Couple reasons.
First, had a bit of a blow out with D13 again, saturday night. She decided that she wanted to do an overnight at a friends. In the end, she threw the "I can choose with my feet" argument at me.
While I have a basic understanding of the legal around the kids, in the end, if I did not "give in", it would have been major. Even so, she's very mad at me because she challenged me about this in front of her friends and now I've "embarrassed" her (her feelings) in front of her friends. May take her a long time to get over that.
Second, D13 tells W about the "incident". When I drop off D8, conversation about that as well as some property splitting came up. I did a temperature check. Not good. I had told W that I was not thinking about property splitting and would wait until mediation. W had further questions about having an idea what I would ask for in mediation and I repeated that I had no idea at this time. She simply finished that with something about having an idea about what I'm entitled to... That was the first button...
W then mentioned that D13 told her about the "incident" and I guess her and her friends were talking. Apparently, one of the friends' parents called my W and indicated that their D was no longer allowed to be around me... that was the second button...
W then mentioned she did not know how to "fix" things between D13 and me... after the first two buttons, that was an easy third button...
I thought shortly about that, then simply said "I know what would fix this, but that ain't going to happen"... and left... as I was leaving, I'm sure I heard W say something back in agreement.
So anyhow, here's the thing for me.
That time speaking with W pretty much reminded me of all the things that I really don't like about this situation and W's persistent determination to follow through with the big D.
It came back... the anger... I have to drop it and that's why I'm going darker than dark. I need to work through this. I need to get to a point in my life where I will not live the rest of my life angry and bitter at her.
Right now, if it weren't for the kids, I would have absolutely nothing to do with her. And this is not anger speaking now. There is really no R that I want from this woman. If she wasn't the mother of my children, I would give her no other thought.
I have an idea where the anger stems from, but I need to revisit it and work through it and figure out how the rest of my life is going to look in regards to my kids and the necessary contact with my stbx.
I think I won't be of much help to anyone during this time. And I don't feel good about helping others save their Ms, as I am not looking to save mine.
I may change my mind, but I have about 18 days from now until I come back from a seminar on the 22nd. I may pop in now and then and maybe offer some words.
As far as my kids, they are aware that I will not be around the next couple weekends. So there is nothing to communicate with my W about except to let her know that I will not be around for the kids for those weekends.
And so, that's about it for this story.
Cheers all! Good luck on your DBing! I mean that, sincerely!
First, sorry about your blow up with the kids. They can be so lovely sometimes...
Mainly, I just wanted to wish you happiness and good fortune in case you don't make it back here. You've been helpful to many of us, including myself. Take care!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Do post in a few weeks/months so we know how you are okay? I guess it's a request I make b/c when people disappear, as I have, others wonder and it's helpful to know
later on, how you processed the anger. I agree that it was my first and greatest challenge in the whole scheme of things.
It was totally reasonable anger that I felt. But it was consuming ME and affecting my r's with the kids, too preoccupied, irritable, etc.
A big lesson there. Like forgiving the grandfather post mortem...thing is, since forgivness is really for YOU, so you can let go of the anger, it's not important whether he knows...unless he asked for forgiveness from you, in which case a visit is a noble thing to do.
Your w is pushing buttons but when the time comes and you can discuss the kids, you may have to come up with a united front, or a bit more of one at least. Don't assume d13 is always fun at your stbx' s house...oh no, do not assume that.
I have a d13 and though she's been easy compared to her friends and I have a crazy batchit niece her age so I never complain...but seeing that niece and recalling that age, I think for some girls, this age 12-15 is the hardest. Add in a divorce and you have the recipe for stress....it will get better. So will your R with her.
My h has rebuilt a lot of his R with our d22, and she really did not like him for a few years. It's a lot better now. IT DOES HAPPEN KD....
SO, go do what you gotta do. Losing the anger and letting go of what you cannot control, if you are a believer in a higher power, turn that pain and anger over to Him, b/c it can get too heavy. Just say it out loud in the shower if you have to and as gimmicky as it sounds, I did it about 25 times out loud there each day, sometimes more...and I swear it helped me. Especially if I had to talk to h during that day.
Good luck, hold your head high. You will be happy again.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
