It doesn't make you stupid, lib, in some situations it can help. Pay attention to how YOU feel, though. If you don't feel good about it, don't do it. And if you don't get good results, don't do it.
Now is the time to go dark. Verrry dark. Make him miss you.
Hi Lib, This has to be an incredibly challenging time for you. Do you think the divorce is to get divorced or do you think it's a message that things need to change. Make your list of changes you need to make and get started!
Thanks so much for your replies, dbmod and dolphin. I can't tell you how much it helps me emotionally. I will take all the advice I can get. I do not open up to my close friends and family about this, so the support I receive here is all I have.
As for making changes, I certainly have my list. I can be quite dramatic in my dealings with H. I do a lot of things like demand a divorce or separation when I get upset, throw his A in his face, kick him out of the house. Of course, as soon as I do these things, I have tremendous regret, but I can't take back the hateful words and actions once they are out there. He's had enough of that. I have vowed to him to not do these things anymore. I am praying he will give a chance to see that I mean it.
H continued to text me throughout the day yesterday after he had left in the morning; nothing about the R, but about the kids, etc. I responded with nice but brief texts. He asked me to meet him for dinner, and then we went to the bookstore and bought the kids a couple of books. He decided to not come to our home last night afterward. He did text me and thank me for meeting him for dinner. I responded with a text that said, "The ups and downs are too tough on me emotionally right now, and I think it's best we don't have contact for a few days." I didn't hear back from him, so now I feel like I messed up.
The scariest thing about going dark is that perhaps he won't miss me, that it will be a relief to not hear from me. I guess I have nothing to lose, though, and going dark is my only choice.
We leave on Wednesday to go pick up the kids. I'm praying for a miracle.....lib
Thanks so much for your replies, dbmod and dolphin. I can't tell you how much it helps me emotionally. I will take all the advice I can get. I do not open up to my close friends and family about this, so the support I receive here is all I have.
As for making changes, I certainly have my list. I can be quite dramatic in my dealings with H. I do a lot of things like demand a divorce or separation when I get upset, throw his A in his face, kick him out of the house.
STOP NOW DON'T GIVE YOURSELF AN OUT. NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.
Of course, as soon as I do these things, I have tremendous regret, but I can't take back the hateful words and actions once they are out there. He's had enough of that. I have vowed to him to not do these things anymore.
I am praying he will give a chance to see that I mean it.
Your words will be meaningless if you do it again. You MUST stop.
H continued to text me throughout the day yesterday after he had left in the morning; nothing about the R, but about the kids, etc. I responded with nice but brief texts. He asked me to meet him for dinner, and then we went to the bookstore and bought the kids a couple of books. He decided to not come to our home last night afterward. He did text me and thank me for meeting him for dinner. I responded with a text that said, "The ups and downs are too tough on me emotionally right now, and I think it's best we don't have contact for a few days." I didn't hear back from him, so now I feel like I messed up.
No, but you would have been stronger with no response.
The scariest thing about going dark is that perhaps he won't miss me, that it will be a relief to not hear from me. I guess I have nothing to lose, though, and going dark is my only choice.
In a sense, you have nothing and in another sense, you have EVERYTHING to lose, because he's still engaged. STOP NOW (with the things that are holding you back)
We leave on Wednesday to go pick up the kids. I'm praying for a miracle.....lib
Monday morning....I've posted at least once that hasn't been displayed yet, but needed to journal. Yesterday and last night were really tough for me. H had texted earlier in the day that he was undoubtedly done. He said he honestly believes that divorce is the best thing for us. I really think he means it this time. I cried harder than I have in a long time. He texted me at 7:40 am asking me if he could come to the house to take a shower, as he has no hot water at his place. I just responded "ok." I was in the bedroom when he came in, but I kept my eyes closed. As soon as he went into the bathroom, I quietly moved to another room and stayed away until he was gone. After leaving he texted, " Not sure where you went. Thanks for letting me use the shower. Have a good day." I didn't respond.
Just journaling...hurting...missing my kids and H. Ready to have my kids back home, but scared to death of what is to come. They have been so hurt by H moving out and on before; I pray with all my heart he will change his mind before we all get back home on Sunday. I haven't had contact with him much today; sent him a pic of a letter we received from my S at camp and answered a question he had about it. I'm reading "This is Not the Story You Think it Is." I wish I had her strength. I wish I had her courage. I wish I had any strength or courage.
I just read this on Royloveshiswife's thread. Wow, what amazing grace and faith! May anyone who reads his heartfelt words feel the same inspiration to not look down but to look UP to the Lord to carry us during these tough times.... Thanks, Roy.
"Don't be sorry for me. Pray for me, if you like, but don't be sorry, please. All things work to His glory. If you face trials in this life, Rejoice! For the Lord has deemed you worthy of His help and council. He will never leave you. His Grace and faithfulness is everlasting. All things work to His glory. If it seems dark, remember, He is the light and the way. When it seems hardest, cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you. As I told a coworker tonight, "Once you give up on your dreams, then they are gone. For until you give up, they are achievable." The Lord is working on an amazing ending. Impossible is a man-made word. The Lord knows it not. He has a plan for you and me and everyone else. Faith is working to understand what He wants us to do."
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
