It doesnt matter whether he had the discussion or not. I would like to think that he had enough respect for me as their mother that he would at least discuss it with her.
Either way, I made a request, it was what I felt I needed to do. I will not tolerate it. If it had been any other person, like a teacher or friend, I would have made the same request to them.
I think it was ok that he called his therapist, I just dont understand why...but I guess it doesnt matter....
AND I truly try to remember to control only what I can...and this was one thing I guess I just thought I could control to some extent.
Im hanging in there.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
OMG..I was so mad for you as I was reading what happened!! I totally understand how you feel and I would have done the same thing. I know people say that you can't control all this and that you have to let your kids have their relationship with the other parent and such...but here is my take on all this crap..
These women these MLC'ers choose are pure trash...I don't want my daughter exposed to trashy women, thinking that, that is okay and right...they are sluts who slept with and maybe even still are sleeping with a married man..I don't want my daughter or son around a woman who has these values, morals, and I don't want them to have that as an example in their life.
My job as a mother is to protect my kids as much as possible, I know you can't do it all the time. They are going to go to school and hear awful stuff, they will be exposed to crap on TV, the internet, etc...but do the people around them and the ones they are interacting with on a regular basis as adult examples, as people shaping and moulding them have to be these pieces of garbage women who are home-wreckers???
I don't believe so and I fought and fought to keep my kids away from it, I moved 700 miles away from them(XH and OW) so my kids wouldn't be around her or him as he is a piss poor example of a man and what a husband and father should be, he lies, he cheats, he disrespects, etc...that is not at all what I want my kids to think is okay and good. I coudln't just sit back and let my kids be exposed to all that, it was really bad in the community where we lived, contagious really..two of my best friends had it happen to them before me. I just couldn't let my kids think this behavior was "normal" and such. It makes me so sick. I am lucky that OW#1 is gone and is getting married to someone else this summer, OW#2 which actually happened after we were divorced, but were getting back together, is in and out of the picture, she is worse than OW#1 and I will not be letting my kids go down to visit him this summer because of this and because he doesn't have proper living conditions for them.
I feel for you and I know my actions were extreme, I just knew myself and I knew if I stayed there I would never, ever have peace, I knew I would do something I would regret and I knew I couldn't watch who I considered MY husband regardless of the martial status, be with such horrible women!! I know they will all get their's in the end and I know I can't control who he chooses, who he dates or anything to do with him, but I have been successful in limiting who my kids have been around. But, I have watched my fiends go through what you are and I get so upset for them, it really s*cks big time. Hang in there and sorry for the long post, but this stuff, when it involves the OW's just makes me upset!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
It isnt easy, but I dont want to keep my kids from their dad. They love him and he loves them. I will however voice my concern when it comes to my kids and how they are treated by his gf. I have done most of the raising of my kids. I have them in church and around people who show them respect, so they know when they are around bad influences.
I have had a difficult couple of days. I will find myself dwelling on things and it makes me so mad! I constantly have to keep reminding myself NOT to think about things. I hate that I have so much that needs done around my home, things I cant do and I have to depend on someone else or call my H and WAIT till its convienient to him. SO, of course I get mad thinking about how he is Mowing HER yard, and fixing her faucets and just taking care of HER HER HER! YES, it makes me angry!!!!
UGH! Sorry, but Im just tired of being so angry over this. It hurts. I cry. I get mad. Still, after all this time, I get so mad!
Of course it does pass quickly, but lately the times are closer together and anything can make me just fall apart.
I dont know whats wrong with me.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I guess my H is trying to ease a guilty conscience this morning. These are the texts I have gotten today....
Just wanna say I miss you and love you.
Just wanna say Sorry and I still care and love you.
Hugs Hugs, kisses kisses
All I said was I know and thank you. He replyed "thank you so much"
Didnt know what else to say. What I wanted to say would have been mean. And I didnt wanna be mean....because I still love him. I only miss who I thought he was.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Never thought 18 years ago this is where I would be.
Sunday will be my 18th wedding anniversary.
NOT looking forward to this one. We were together last year, yet I got nothing.
Im alone with my thoughts today. Not a good place to be. Kids will be with their dad for the most part of the weekend. SO, being alone is not where I want to be. I have a feeling lots of crying will be involved.
I still got lots of anger and hurt I cant seem to let go of. Im tired of my thoughts always going to my H when Im alone.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I still got lots of anger and hurt I cant seem to let go of. Im tired of my thoughts always going to my H when Im alone.
I thought about you this weekend while I was down near your neck of the woods.. I have been thinking...instead of trying so HARD to "let go", why not just try to live. Stop trying to "get over H", just live your life day by day, minute by minute.
IMHO, you need to feel everything that you are feeling but maybe you are trying to hard to rush or stop feeling the things that you are feeling.
Enjoy life the best you can. Limit your interactions with H and just take one day at a time. You can do this.
Let me remind you of a few things...
1) Your H's actions ARE NOT a reflection of YOU 2) Your life is YOUR responsibility 3) You do not need to answer or respond EVERYTIME H contacts you 4) Show your children the strength that you have by your actions.
So as WCW says...."disconnect" from your H. I have never seen you attempt a dark/dim approach maybe it is time you give this is a shot. Not for your H for YOURSELF!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
So, you were down this way?? It was a beautiful weekend. I went to the beach with my kids yesterday and had a wonderful time...just me and them. Im so lucky to live only an hour away from the ocean
I am trying to disconnect from my H. Lately I have had to stop myself when thoughts of him come to me. I know i am in control of my own thoughts, so I just make myself think of other things....happy things.
I have tried the dark approach way back in the beginning, and I just cant seem to stick to it. I do better now though. I never text him out of the blue...but I will answer his texts when I get them...only because he will call if I dont answer, then if I dont answer his calls, he will pay me a visit....which oddly enough I havent heard from him much today or yesterday. That has been good for me.
He did tell me Sunday night that he loved me and missed me and still cared about me(it was our 18th anniversary).
Why would someone feel this way and yet be in another relationship is beyond me. Use to I would fall apart when he would say stuff like this, now its really just words that I hear...they mean very little anymore.
Anyway, living day to day is what ive been doing all along.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
So, you were down this way?? It was a beautiful weekend.
Yes and Yes...it was lovely this weekend.
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I am trying to disconnect from my H.
To "try" is to fail...to "do" is to succeed.
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I just cant seem to stick to it
cause deep down inside YOU DO NOT WANT TO.
Example, say your child was allergic to something. I would bet that YOU would DO (not try) everything in YOUR power to make sure that whatever they were allergic too you would not have around them.
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but I will answer his texts when I get them
Cause deep down inside you are still fighting to let go.
I am not saying to D your H or to lose hope. What I am saying is that YOU are responsible for YOUR actions. Watch this...
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only because he will call if I dont answer
Option 1 - don't answer the phone. Option 2 - change your number Option 3 - don't have a cell phone, switch to a pager.
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then if I dont answer his calls, he will pay me a visit
Option 1 - don't answer the door Option 2 - Move Option 3 - getting a restraining order
My point, is that IF you want something YOU will do what it is that you need to do. For some reason you continue to allow HIM to control your life and your actions. When YOU finally stop this, a ton of things may happen. You may feel better, you may feel empowered, you may feel like less of a victim, you may feel totally different than you do today.
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I havent heard from him much today or yesterday
Because he is IN CONTROL of HIS LIFE. he does whatever he needs to do.
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He did tell me Sunday night that he loved me and missed me and still cared about me
MLC 101...they try to drag you back in...IMO, the more he KNOWS that you are still waiting for him, the LESS he is likely to ever look inside himself. So, sometimes kissak....letting them go helps THEM and US.
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Why would someone feel this way and yet be in another relationship is beyond me
WHen the WHY does not matter anymore...you are living!
Personally, the why is simple...he has CHOOSEN to live HIS life that way. It was his choice. MLC...probably.. Either way, just as he has a god given right to choose, so do YOU.
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they mean very little anymore
I am going to call bullchit here. They do mean something to you. The mere fact that he contacts you means something and YOU know it. Deep down inside, you still operate with some fear. Fear that you will totally lose him. Me - I say you can let him go, and still love him. First though....you must really love yourself. Love yourself enough to let him completely go.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
