Punkin, Sounds like things are turning around for you. I'll keep my fingers cross that a bid is placed on your STB former home. I can't wait to hear more about your STB new home!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As usual, XH's L is holding up progress. Seems that even after a month he hasn't gotten the Divorce Decree filed yet. Holding up my closing. Called the judge to complain.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Well, things are as up in the air as usual. I got all over XH's L, who finally ( after 4 weeks ) sent a copy of the Judge's Decision to XH, and I got the long awaited scream that was heard round the world. He completely flipped out, mainly because he didn't understand the wording and took it all as bad news for him. He threatened to "come to the GD house anytime he wanted and take any GD thing he wanted" I had to rent a storage unit, and a friend and I spent the whole day moving valuables into it. There is just no making any sense. Meanwhile, I'm still held up by his a$$hat lawyer not filing the simple decree.
My eldest D took enough offense to call XH and read him the riot act. He just kept saying how it was all MY fault. She asked him "Are you just mad because Mom is moving on and getting a house?" He says "No, it was because I used his Aunt as my realtor. REALLY? He also asked if he could still see grandsons, and she reminded him that he had lived in the same town with them for over a year, and never came once. Now she lives 4.5 hours away. What did he think?
Lord I thought this would all be over by now. It's like the energizer bunny of divorce. I come to work at 7:00 just to read my emails, etc., thought I'd be in my new little house by now. Pray for me guys.
Praying for you punkin to find the strength to get over this last hump.....to a time when you will feel peaceful and content...Hang on girl.....its coming
Hi Punkin - just catching up with you and wishing that you wrap up all the legalities soon and get into your new home. I can't wait to do the same...it will be liberating and our EXs won't feel that they can do whatever they want when ever they want...our now homes will be just that OURS...off limits to them. So you hang in there...it will come soon.
Mine came yesterday to pack his stuff...at my urging..I just want everything of his out NOW...after 1/2 hour of sorting out stuff in the garage he comes in and announces that he is hungry and if I could make him some breakfast....WTHeck....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Punkin, It's all about control and he's lost control over you. I imagine he was as mad as an old wet hen, but you know what? He'll get over it or else stroke out. You did exactly what you needed to do to move on and I'm glad to see you moved out the valuables. What an @ss! But, I'm not surprised.
Mila, I had to laugh at your h for wanting you to make him breakfast.
None of them have a clue! They don't want us, but they also don't want us to stray from the spot we were standing when they walked out the door. Life and time changes and nothing remains the same.
Ladies, please do not allow you spouses to sway you from your journey...you are doing great and that bugs the crap right out of them. Continue moving forward, the next chapter in your lives is calling you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Punkin, the anger lasts for a long time with many of these guys - I think the stages, as many have noted, are misleading. They are much more mixed together than linear. Anger is present throughout much of this - it is probably the transmutation of long term depression into a felt anger.
They aren't happy, they have wrecked their lives, and wow, the partner is moving on, It isn't fair they feel, like a little kid in the playground. They have ripped the toy away and now no-one wants to play with them except OW, and they usually don't like the OW much. Strange but true.
As you know they blame us because they know it is really their problem - classic projection.
Beatrice, Glad you posted that above. I needed to hear it even though you were taling to punkin. I feel it is exactly what all these MLCers do as the LBS starts to get strong. They pout. They blame and they point the finger some more. Mine is doing just that towards me. I am not feeding into it anymore. I am just not talking to him at all instead. It is making him very mad, but it is giving me a chance to heal and gather my thoughts on what I want and deserve out of life and relationships from here on out. I cant believe the new ways I am feeling, it overwhelming to me and sad. But I know its for the best. Thanks again for that tid bit of explanation.
Punkin, hold tight. I know once you get your new house, you will have a great feeling wash over you. I moved out of our M house and bought my own condo the first time my H left. It made me feel strong and gave me self confidence. And almost immediatly after my H found out, he came running back. too bad back then I was still so he!!-bent on getting him to return, that I took him back with out a question of a doubt. Now I am not in those shoes anymore. SO SAD. But anyhow, YOU GO GIRL!!! TIPPER
