Oops- I see I quoted that wrong. Yes its the actions for sure. THe things hes says change from one day to the next.
I could never be like OW. She is everything I am not. Maybe that is why he is attracted to her. I don't know. With that said, I don't want to be her either. I wouldnt ever want to be in the position either of them are in. I can look at myself in the mirror every morning.
I am angry today. Angry at what my kids are experiencing. Angry I have to hold the family together while he is out living it up. My poor kids.
Why can't they just get the pain out? Talk to someone.
I am venting. It has been a long day. But, day three with NC! Yeah me! Pathetic I know. Thanks for the reply
Hi, it is very hard not to obsess about OP, and I understand it. But they really are irrelevant. Of course she is nothing like you.
He is looking for someone he can 'help' who will look up to him [in his view]. And what decent person has an affair with a married man? Withdraw from the situation as much as you can. MLC lasts a long time. I agree about not obsessing about the stages, but the crazy behaviour and total involvement is a sure sign of Replay. There is much discussion about whether the OP lasts beyond replay. Based on my own experience and what I have read I would say that the OP invovlement can continue after Replay behaviour ends. The acid test is whether the OP is really important to them any longer.
So the OP can remain as someone they see - and remember that they usually lose most of their good old friends during MLC. They are a crutch - indespensable at first and then less and less important. And one day they no longer need them. Also the OP often stick like a leech. Others don't.
However if the affair ends quite quickly, the MLCer will sometimes move on to another r. We are all here for you - survivors of our journey.
Thank you for replying to my questions about OP. I have looked on here to find more info about that but not sure where to look. I can't believe I am even talking about OP!!! Crazy. I am guessing just from the little I know he is going to have a hard time getting away from this one should he choose to do so.
I do know he is quite depressed. But, has also isolated himself from everyone.
In withdrawl-does that mean they withdraw from OP too?
I guess I just want to keep looking for some light at the end of the tunnel. But, for now I will worry about my own light!!
Wishing for something is sort of like putting the burden on the mythical to achieve a goal you want. Somewhere miracles occur and presto! Good things happen.
If I had a wish, it'd be for something as zen as world peace.
: )
Life, you can only control yourself, while you can at best, influence others.
Something like alcholism and depression, usually takes a rock bottom landing before a person seeks help.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I am scared to see or hear of H's rock bottom. He is doing things the man never seemed capapble of right now. How much worse does it have to get? I probably don't want to know.
I really am feeling like this is too big of a mountain right now. I guess I am discouraged.
I am working on my issues. Learning to forgive but gee its no longer cause he yelled at me or belittled me now I have to work on forgiving him for OW. How did it get here??!
Somewhere on here I read when its MLC - its not us the LBS - its them and their journey but that I have see how I contrubuted to demise of the m. Well to me that is confusing. Which is it?
Somewhere on here I read when its MLC - its not us the LBS - its them and their journey but that I have see how I contrubuted to demise of the m. Well to me that is confusing. Which is it?
Life,
It is both.
MLC happens not because of us but despite us. There are things in their past, things that they need to work through...
They spend time running from those things, seeking things that make them happy.
When the crisis begins, they try different things, clothes, activities, and as they find that they are still not happy, then they begin to look at us...because the reason must NOT be something within them...
There are things that each of us did that were problems for our S. Things that were problems in the M, even if they were small...
You have to look at the things he said to you, were you controlling? Did you act like his mother? How were your house keeping skills? Your sex life? ETC...
Find the things that he said that were true and honest complaints and fix those things...
Begin to make yourself happy...
What you learn on this journey, will be invaluable to your future..
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
So, another question. Woke up thinking about this. If our S's find an OP and they(op) are usually needy, clingy, and looking for someone to help them. Why is it if we S's act needy or clingy its unattractive? But, attractive to our spouses when it comes from the OP?? Hope that makes sense.
Good question. Problem is we represent a lot of stuff to our spouse that they are running from - responsibility, commitment, family ties. They are probably not aware of the neediness of the the OP at a conscious level - they are just happy to be able to 'take care' of someone else. But you are right, they don't want to take care of us.
The needy OP usually gets old eventually, but this takes quite a long time. There is nothing rational about MLC but it does have its own weird logic.
How long is long? I am so frustrated and feeling so rejected today. I know I need to focus on myself and I am trying. But, when will he wake up? He is ruining our family. NO contact with the kids. I don't get it!! But OW has a child. Is that one a replacement?
