Day 13 NC. I am really struggling. Going back and reading old posts that are helpful.
Friends have let me know they have seen H working around OW's house. Fixer upper projects. That was such a blow. Especially when he didn't do that stuff here.
Then it all comes back. How could he? H spends time with OW's daughter and hasn't seen his own in months!!
How invested is he witht his OW???
I am venting but could use some encouragment.
I am GALing but its hard to believe that H is too but with another family. Breaks my heart. I want my old H back. OR, at least the one I thought I had. Thanks for listening.
Your friends need to keep some of this to themselves...sheesh...
Don't assume he's not reminded of his own kids every time he's w/hers...
back to what you're doing for YOU and the GAL!!
remember, you're all you have control over...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Don't know why friends and family make it a point to tell you things like this, but maybe from misguided loyalty? Just tell them you'd rather not hear about those things.
I remember people telling me the things my H was doing for the ow around her house, things, as you said, that he didn't do here.
I know it hurts, but I'm here to tell you that it does get better.
25 is spot on. You are the only one you can control.
I know they meant well but I don't think THEY THOUGHT...
If they see him drive drunk or do drugs, you need to know. Otherwise,
gently tell them you are trying to keep the focus on YOUR actions/life...
besides, it makes reconciliation harder to know everyone else knows something...
sorry...I hated that h was so far away but in hindsight I was probably lucky
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Day 13 NC. I am really struggling. Going back and reading old posts that are helpful. CONGRATS ON DAY 13...But having those comments from friends makes it harder on YOU.
Stay the course...
How invested is he witht his OW???---We don't know...
I am venting but could use some encouragment.
I am GALing but its hard to believe that H is too but with another family. Breaks my heart. I want my old H back. OR, at least the one I thought I had. Thanks for listening.
again, stay the course...
Detach and learn to let what you cannot control, roll off your back.
No more mind reading. I honestly think you're making it out as if he's ALL happy and
forgot his own family...really life, do you believe that?
I mean I know he's an alcoholic, but so was my dad, but HE remembered he had kids...
Honey, he KNOWS he has a family. He needs a family fix and is getting it for now. But I bet you every time he's with them, he thinks of HIS/YOURS...
When he begins to think his children might be around some OM, well, I wonder...
Not saying to play a game. Just wondering what would happen if he worried about it.
I have neighbors who have a split family. The mother went into a major MLC... (Her d2 plays with my d2.) Huge personality changes. Went from being the rigid PTA mom (told me once I sliced cake "too big" and took over for me...I laughed b/c she was so serious, and it was for 2nd grade!!) ANYHOW
SHE left the family home and kids. And She began partying big time and had OM and let her kids meet him weeks into it...then OM#2, also met the kids, etc. And OM#3 too...moves in, moves out for new OM.
Her h was so torn up. He was older. But He did rise to the occasion with his kids, thankfully. I could not let d2 over at the "mother's place" b/c of the drinking & drugs & driving, etc....but they're still friends and we have her d2 over here or have our d2 at the family home, etc
But the odd thing was that the mother told me all about her new life and the man she was living with and HIS CHILDREN....
and suddenly, she asked me if I thought her h might "bring OW to HER home someday...b/c the thought of OW 'raising' her own children was 'too much' for HER"
I said, "don't you think that's a double standard?" Honest to God, the mother looked at me like it was the first time it occurred to her that her h might begin dating OWs...
She moved home the next month...True, it didn't last. She only came home to check if her h was still stuck on her. (But I wonder if there had been a real OW on the horizon, she'd have stayed.)
but isn't it odd that it never occurred to this MLC woman, that her h might date OW and that OWs might be around her kids....literally clueless.
Gotta wonder what a little mystery on your end might do for you, Life... couldn't hurt.
And again, congrats on the NC!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I forgot this part of the story about MLC mom I knew who was SHOCKED that her h might someday date OW, and that an OW might someday be around the children she had abandoned...
when I said "don't you think that's a double standard?" She said
"I guess I can see how someone could say that...."
She "guesses"??? Amazing. Living in their own world. And that MLC mother was also an alcoholic who LOVES to party now b/c
it numbs her pain. It also delays them from realizing what seems obvious to the rest of us.
Something to think about.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you everyone. The highs and lows of this get so emotionally draining. Even with the GAL my mind still goes there.
H is an alcoholic. In addition to my friends and their "sightings" I have also been told they see him out and about often "sloppy drunk". Nice. The father of my kids.
I believe this OW doesn't mind this behavior-as you 25 have said. Two drunks shacking up together. BUt, its when they are invovled in day to day stuff. Yuck. Who will tire of who? Does he ever think of me? I know, I know.
I know its suppose to be only about me but honestly it is getting a little less every day. In my mind I feel like the more I understand their "relationship" the more I will understand whats going on. Or, to be honest, if there is hope. Yup, being honest. Venting.
Read the after the affair book. Not so impressed. Maybe just not ready for it.
Thank you everyone. The highs and lows of this get so emotionally draining. Even with the GAL my mind still goes there.
H is an alcoholic. In addition to my friends and their "sightings" I have also been told they see him out and about often "sloppy drunk". Nice. The father of my kids.
I believe this OW doesn't mind this behavior-as you 25 have said. Two drunks shacking up together. BUt, its when they are invovled in day to day stuff. Yuck. Who will tire of who? Does he ever think of me? I know, I know.
I know its suppose to be only about me but honestly it is getting a little less every day. In my mind I feel like the more I understand their "relationship" the more I will understand whats going on. Or, to be honest, if there is hope. Yup, being honest. Venting.
Read the after the affair book. Not so impressed. Maybe just not ready for it.
Interesting, a friend recommended it so I went by that.
as for if you'll know if there's hope if you know what's going on with them...
I don't think so. Guess I don't see how.
Meaning, don't see how you could get inside their r, let alone understand it...(Do THEY? Doubtful).
and even if you DID somehow KNOW what was going on with them, so?
how does that predict what will happen with YOU and your h?
I mean guess if they ARE ALWAYS HAPPY...and we somehow KNEW that-
then there'd be less hope??
Hmmm, the real question is,
given that life is short, and it IS SHORT AND you have kids
what do you want to spend your precious life's energy on?
Sorry I don't have those answers for you.
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
As far as creating some mystery- my self esteem has taken such a blow with this OW. Also, the failure I feel on my part for the marriage.
I suddenly wonder if I know how to be, would anyone like me? dumb I know. Just where I am at.
I do have many friends some very close. I guess if I can make friends and keep them that should be some indication of my ability to have relationships.
Just where I am at right now. Honestly, don't think H would care if he thought there even could be OM. He is so into himself.
Okay 15 days of NC! Proud of myself. But, sad for the kids. We are talking months for them. One leaving for college soon and hasn't seen his dad in months. I can hardley believe it. So sad.
There has never been a talk on finances. NOthing has changed but I am afraid that will be soon. I don't want to contact him but WHEN will this stuff get worked out?
Part of me feels it will be the final nail once we get on this subject.
Breaks my heart. I want my old H back. OR, at least the one I thought I had. Thanks for listening.