Somewhere between filing and D

[jon2911]

I've been thinking and processing the last few days. I've been letting W make all contact with me, and she's been texting to check on things like reminding me that Monday was red head appreciation day at Marble Slab. Free red velvet ice cream! It was so fun.

I've been working hard on getting my place organized, and the taxes, and giving her space. Now I want to try making more contact and seeing what happens.

Just after I decided that, text from W today: "ugh, just got stranded. AAA saved me. Getting car worked on now. Ugh."

I called her right away, and she made a point of thanking me for renewing the AAA membership. Her battery had died, and I told her I hoped the warranty would cover it but to text me if she needed anything.

She texted later "Service guy just told me I have to get a new battery. I'm totally strapped for cash right now. Could I please borrow some money until the end of the month?"

Then:
"Battery is $117, and I have to replace two bulbs. So rounding up to $150. Could you please help me?"

I was thinking how to respond, probably a conversation that yes I would help her out, but I don't want to hear about the D for a while. I'm working on taxes, etc. I didn't want to make it conditional, or make her feel trapped. While thinking that over, she texted back:
"Nevermind, Aunt is going to cover me."

I called her real quick and explained that texts are delayed in the basement where I work. She told me what was up, and I made sure she was OK.

Really, I'm deciding to not act in fear. She will do what she will do. It seems ridiculous for her to try and focus on the D with everything else going on, but I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to call more, and try and visit soon.

[MichelleLT]

Really, I'm deciding to not act in fear. She will do what she will do.

Perfect!

[jon2911]

Nice talk with W tonight. She asked about work, my new roommate, etc. She sounded a little annoyed and said "you sound like a match made in heaven".

Later she told me she was in a cruddy mood and needed to go. She had a good weekend at the Ranch with her family, and was beat after that, so she said she wanted to call because we've been missing each others calls.

It struck me today that it's now been four months since she filed the D. I know from experience they'll throw it out at six, unless that was a Dallas County thing. I also double-checked that she can't go ahead with anything without serving me. Struggled a bit with wondering what she was up to this week, but did a good job of GAL, hanging with my new roommate and playing a lot of disc golf. No matter what WAW does, life is good.

[MichelleLT]

Of course she's annoyed. You are no longer holding that space for her. She feels the loss of that safety net, whether she consciously knows it or not.

She also comes off as jealous of the time you are spending bonding with your new roommate.

Again, her loss.

She could be living there. She could be with you.

She chooses not to be. So her loss.

Most places have some time-frame within which a case has to move or it is dismissed for inaction. Not sure what that would be there, but time is always on your side.

Keep enjoying life! You are doing well in both life and DBing!

[jon2911]

Thanks for the insight Michelle. I need that encouragement.

Working on the taxes this weekend, it's been tough on me and brings back a lot of memories. Fighting through it.

[jon2911]

Well, W called me last week and wanted to update me that her grandparent's house sold. It wasn't even on the market yet but someone came and made a good offer. This came as quite a surprise to W and everyone. Her current plan is to live with Aunt for a few weeks, then try upstate New York for the winter to see if she can handle it. If she can, she'll buy a little house there.

I listened and validated, appreciated that she wanted to tell me this. I know she'll get a lot of flack from FIL over it.

Friday August 19th is our 6th anniversary. We've somehow made it work to see each other the last few years. I might mention it to her and see what happens. One day at a time.

[MichelleLT]

It's always nice to have someone to talk to who you know will want you to pursue your goals and dreams, not give you a guilt-trip about it. Good job!!

[jon2911]

Thanks Michelle.

[jon2911]

My roommate called tonight and said a guy with a badge was waiting at the house looking for me, with papers. I didn't get home until 10:00 so he gave up. Here we go. This has been inevitable I guess, but I'm still a bit stunned. Going to bed now, running early in the morning with my roommate.

[MichelleLT]

*deep breath*

At least you had the night to prepare.

You'll be fine regardless.

We always suspected deep down she wasn't going to be okay until she'd done it, she had to do it to feel like she's really independent.

Hope you had a good run.

Hang in there.