Sent W a Happy Birthday text (right thing to do). They are still on vacation. My text simply stated, "Happy Birthday! Have a terrific Day.
Later, received call from Daughter while they were en route to next locale. Talked to two out of the four children (two were sleeping) Nice to hear their voices..I've never been away from them for more then a couple days. Asked about the ctuise and let them storytell. Man, I love those precious kids.
I heard other D ask W, "Mom. do you want to talk to Daddy?"
W: Sure.
W: Hi
Me: Happy Birthday.
W: Thanks, and I received your text, too. I really appreciate it."
The rest of the convesation revolved around kids, and moving items from old house. W did most of the talking for another 10 min.
I found a good breaking point to end the conversation first and said, "You guys sound tired so I'll let you concentrate on the road. Hopefully, you'll be able to celebrate a little later. Be safe."
W: Thanks again for the Birthday wishes.
Thought I handled the convo pretty well.
W is definitely trying to engage more in dialogue when on phone. I'm not biting. She does ask questions like, "What's new this week or Anything different to reoprt, etc. Like she's fishing.
My guess is she wants to know what my job search is producing. Who knows? At least it's been civil lately.
Continuing the GAL thing. Yesterday evening, I helped a relative move some belongings to their new house.
Afterward, stopped at a restaurant for an appetizer (gumbo-yum!) and a Corona which turned into several Coronas. Boy I needed that!
Had fun conversation with the owners and staff. Had the ego stroked when the owner said, "What, are you about 32?) I smiled and said, "no, 38." She said "no freaking way" And I have four kids!
"You have one lucky wife." she continued. I thought, if only w could see that now. I guess reinforcement from total strangers can help carry us through, huh?
Anyway, tired today, but well worth it. Now, what else to do today..180 strategizing:)
Seeing the kids today for the first time since their 2 week vacation. Very difficult not seeing them.
That's one thing I still want w to experiennce...not seeing them for an extended period of time. I know it sounds spiteful, however, just want her to feel that. She has no idea what that is like.
On a positive note, I can't wait to see them and have some summer fun. Need to remember to keep upbeat when picking them up later.
Had a lot of fun with the kids last night/evening; dinner, swim, creek walk/hike, more swim. Just precious time with them and watching them smile and being happy with me is a gift.
Pick up went fine with w. Dropped off a suitcase that her sweaters/clothes were in and handed her a small birthday gift wich was on the 15th while they were on vacation. She seemed very appreciative and said so...it was just a DVD.
Drop off was good, even though the kids smelled like creek! Once again, w hung around to engage in convo. Nothing about the R, she asked how my interviews are going for new work. Filled her in just a bit. Can't help but sense she's fishin' either for child support potential or me gettting work outside of my consulting business is one thing she is looking for and can "check off her list" who knows?
She thanked me again for the gift and said that was very kind and truly appreciated the gesture...really? Pulled out of the drive and w said have a good rest of the eveneing.
Still weird when picking the kids up. Since IL's are living with her and seeing the kids more than me, I am resentful of that. It just is not fair and I don't trust my in-laws now. It's just how I feel. They buy my wife a nice house and I'm living with my cousin. I guess hearts don't always break even..
Ok, noticing some consistent behavior from WAW lately.
When commnicating via text, email, phone, w is dirtect, to the point and pretty neutral as far as being nice- perhaps even bit cold.
Now, in person, she is extremely friendly. Very odd.. I'm cordial but try to get the kids and high tail it outta there.
For example, today, w was kind, asked if I needed xyz for the kids. I puuled out of the drive, w ran down the drive and flagged me down to say, I've been meaning to tell you have very appreciative iam of you being on time for the kids. It really means a lot to me. Thanks you."
I've always been pnctual so I don't get it?? Just seems overly friendly inperson. Any insight, anyone??
KD- along my thoughts as well. First, I wonder ok, what is she fishin' for? The consistency so far is her being nice by expressing appreciation. My "love language" is words of appreciation first, then physical affection second, etc. Don't think wife has read the book but knows I want to be appreciated so It's the whole wait and see how long this continues.
That's thing though, w isn"t asking for anythng. Doesn't change what I'm doing though, GALin, really focusng on me and the kids.
Just keep the mentality of "I'm happy with or without you". Her loss. I'm sure she will sense it.
Everything is a test. The worse thing you could do is when she is being nice to you is to open up and go melty man on her. Always walk away leaving her questioning why; and hopefully, eventually, she will be left wanting more. Confidence and strength in your actions, ALWAYS.
Your strength and conviction of moving on with your life will pay off for you and she might just come running back. You never know. My suggestion, don't worry to much what she might be looking for. That's wasted mental energy and saps your self worth. Easier said than done, just a reminder.
