I'm sorry, I know you were nervous. Not totally surprised he didn't show, they are so unpredictable in this state.
I am still very new and others may have better advice for you, but do you think you may want to give yourself 48 to 72 hours to not react in a way that you may regret. If you still want to contact a lawyer at that time, then you can?
I could be wrong, but I just wouldn't want it to be a knee jerk reaction, I know I tend to do them all the time.
I know what you mean. But, I feel I need to hurry up and protect us at this point. Although I feel like now when I file It is the beginning of the end! He will not fight for us. So, my hope is gone.
Did the L tell you that you have to file in order to get C/S? Or can you just get an order for C/S? If you do have to file, make sure everything else financial is separated too. You do not need to be financially responsible for any new debt he may create. You're very wise to protect yourself and the kids.
Life, I'm not saying this to be harsh, but your marriage was over when your H walked out the door. That said, it doesn't mean that at some point, well down the road, that you won't be able to build a new M with your H.
The faster you realize that MLC takes time, a lot of time in most cases, the better you'll be able to cope with what you have to deal with. Don't spend the time just waiting for your H to come out of the fog. Live your life for you and your children. Take this opportunity to work on yourself and be the person you want to be. A new world is open to you if you want to take the step.
It doesn't seem like it now, but you've been presented with a gift. What you do with it is up to you.
You're right, your H will most likely not fight for you at this time. It may not always be that way.
You're only done when you decide you're done. That's a choice you get to make.
I scheduled an appt with lawyer in a few days. Anxious to get on this. 25yearsmlc you have given me great great advice and I have followed it to a T. So, now I need your advice on my next step. I was NC for 6 weeks and you said to re-evaluate at one month. It was as if we don't exist. Never heard from him.
I had to break NC because of finances. He pulled his money from our joint. I spoke briefly and to the point. We decided to meet to make some sense of the money and he never showed, never called. Glad you are back!
25yearsmlc- could you check in when you have time. Interested on your view of what I am doing now. I plan to be fair when I meet with the lawyer but have to protect myself and kids.
Just catching up on your sitch. It all sounds so familiar, and you've gotten great advice from pros who have BEEN THERE DONE THAT. As the old saying goes, "Physician, heal thyself"; there should be one that says "LBS, Protect Thyself!"
Don't be surprised if H acts surprised and/or hateful about any self-preservation moves. That brick on there shoulder is the only thing that keeps their helium head from floating away. Don't back down about the well being of yourself and your children.
Thanks for the reply. He will be hateful. He has commented in the past that will be all about "revenge" for me. Nah, sorry buddy-I think thats what you did when you slept with OW! Its called responsibility as far as Im concerned.
I hate to do it but will. I think the mind frame he is in right now he will just roll over. No fighting for anything. I really didn't want it to get to this point.
The L made it sound like once I start the process I have to see it to end. Or delay it. But, I thought many D's get drug on forever and ever. He said if he didn't argue for anything it would be done fairly quickly.
Life, there appears to be three main MLC approaches to divorce. Some start it early in the MLC and this is usually over fairly quickly. The second starts the divorce later on in the crisis when other stuff is going badly and then it seems to drag on for months and even years, and the third talks about it endlessly and may even start it, but never finishes it.
I am sure there are variations on this. Oh yes, and sometimes the LBS starts the divorce to protect their assets, and/or because they have moved on. Even then the MLCer can delay things almost endlessly
A friend of mine who no longer posts here has been in the divorce process for nearly three years, and mine took over two to finalise, all the delays down to my xh. But there are others who got done in a matter of weeks.
I think if you are looking for 'reasons' some of them seem to think that divorce will 'solve' their problems and they get it over quickly Others are less sure, and drag it out and also use the process as a punishment.
Just remember that the MLCer is essentially nuts, and take care of yourself. Please do not worry about your h's reactions. You will never 'win' with a MLCer. As long as they blame others for what is going in their lives and minds the principal person they direct their rage at will be you. Think of them as a very cross toddler whose mommy has just failed to produce a cookie . . . . If you think 'Ah yes, cookie rage' it is less hurtful.
