AND... there is only one time that your D is done... that's when the paperwork gets the final stamp by the courts...
until then, either one of you can prevent that...
remember... your W could... maybe... change her mind...
no guarantee... but are YOU going to be the one to nail the coffin shut?
Or you going to be you... the person she loved enough to marry in the first place... and be a BETTER YOU... someone she will forever wonder what life with you might have been like... if she chooses D...
She may just be testing to see if you'll fall apart or react negatively. That's the glass-half-full viewpoint. That's what I would choose to assume, just so long as you maintain NO EXPECTATIONS otherwise!
Me-44, W-38 S12, D10 --- EA: 3/20/11 Bomb: 3/25/11 "I'm waiting til June to 'do something'" statement from W: 4/26/11 Still in same house, in same bed
Yes, if you stall or do not provide, the courts may eventually rule on the D, without further input from you...
So in a way, no... you actually can not prevent the D if she presses...
The real point is, not matter how much your W might THINK that you are stalling or are working against the D... every time you provide the necessary response... within the constraints of the request... you are SHOWING that you are allowing the D to move forward...
And really... if she wants to think you're working against the D... what would she expect... that you're going to jump up and down for it...? She knows how you feel...
Your only other option, and I DO NOT recommend this NOR encourage it... just putting it out there... just as food for thought...
What if YOU were suddenly in a rush to D? What do you think your W might think or do if suddenly, you not only responded VERY QUICKLY to requests, but went further and asked her to hurry up the process as you want D final as soon as possible... perhaps by a specific date...
That is said strictly for... entertainment purposes... allow yourself to consider her perspective... once she's D... what's her plan? Maybe she THINKS she has a plan, but once she gets her "win"... she might be VERY lost because her purpose in life right now is to D so once she has that in hand... ????
Why did she have this positive upswing in our interactions over the last couple days before reestablishing the bomb last night?
I doubt any H can understand a WAW! You will save yourself a truck load of grief if you'll just accept the fact that you will not understand what causes her wide mood swings when wanting a D from you. And, I can promise you that you have only started to see what will be many mood swings to come.
I'm not trying to oppose what others tell you, but I think men set themselves up for disappointment when they take one little word that's said or one day of her not acting like a bi!ch as a positive step. Just b/c everything happens to go her way one day and she isn't acting crazy...does not mean that things are in an UPWARD SWING! The woman wants a D!
Even if she were WILLING to work on the M, it would take weeks, or maybe even months, of hard work (from her) before it would truly be a positive step.
So, you can make up your mind to expect her to be nice once in a while.....but realize that it doesn't mean she's wanting to R the M. She could be setting you up for something else entirely, but who knows.
Just as one word or one mood swing doesn't spell out the worst, neither does it spell out the best.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Problem is... it is a HUGE risk... probably the BIGGEST LRT there could possibly be...
I know there's been some great breakthoughs here by taking great risks...
I'm kinda taking a lead on this one... My W doesn't want the paperwork, but does not want to be M to me, lives like she's not M to me, and yet refused to tell me she wanted D...
So... I'm already dead... because she is living D, without having to do the work...
So... I am going to give her D...
I'll be sure to let everyone know how it works... I have only one expectation... that once it's all said and done... I will be D... *sigh*
Even if she were WILLING to work on the M, it would take weeks, or maybe even months, of hard work (from her) before it would truly be a positive step.
I probably should have left this statement out. I know what I meant but it didn't come out that way. So, disregard.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Words from a wise DBer use to say that when a WAW (who is having an A) is in an "up" mood....that's not good b/c it means her A with OM is hotter than ever. OTOH, if she is very "down" then that's good b/c things aren't going so well in the A.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
