We had about 9 days apart during the July 4th holiday and she came back seeming more agitated with me.
I'm worried that the next 10 days apart will lead to a similar drop in her attitude towards me.
I have been doing a lot of things around the house in terms of cooking and cleaning up after our kids, not to mention shuttling them around town. I'm hopeful that these contributions make an impact on her as she has to pick up the load while I'm gone.
Me: 45 W: 45 S: 12 D: 9 M: 16 T:22
Bomb: 4/20/2011 Says she moves out in July with Kids Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011 She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
In terms of intimate conversation, should I ask her whether she's still seeing the OM? Or how she's handling the people around town who are probably learning of the A? These will be tough questions for her to hear but I doubt anyone else is asking her about these events.
Me: 45 W: 45 S: 12 D: 9 M: 16 T:22
Bomb: 4/20/2011 Says she moves out in July with Kids Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011 She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
In terms of intimate conversation, should I ask her whether she's still seeing the OM? Or how she's handling the people around town who are probably learning of the A? These will be tough questions for her to hear but I doubt anyone else is asking her about these events.
Stay away for any intimate conversations! The outcome would be bad. Do not ask her any questions about her personal life, OM, or the people around town.
Leave the conversation up to her. It is not up to you to try to entertain her when she's with you. Keep it light & easy. Talk about the weather or the kids.
If she doesn't want your cell number when you are over seas....that a big sign that she hasn't any intentions of contacting you. However, you need somebody to be able to reach you for emergency reasons regarding the children.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Mission accomplished on the lite talk as our daughter rode with us.
We did have some light talk this morning and I told her she looked beautiful in her work attire (she did). Was this pursuing? Probably, but set me straight Sandi2 if so. She seemed pleased about the comment.
She had my daughter call me on the cell (drivers can't speak on phone in our state) after dropping me off to see if I got on board.
We made plans for her to contact me while I'm away and I provided a calling card number for her (I'm on my way overseas).
She did reciprocate my full body goodbye hug at the terminal today and smiled at me as I walked away (probably thinking about the parties she'll hit while I'm gone). This was better than yesterday's half-hearted hug.
Now on to the 10 hour plane trip and trying to figure out how to DB across an ocean.
Me: 45 W: 45 S: 12 D: 9 M: 16 T:22
Bomb: 4/20/2011 Says she moves out in July with Kids Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011 She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
I told her she looked beautiful in her work attire (she did). Was this pursuing? Probably, but set me straight Sandi2 if so. She seemed pleased about the comment.
A compliment can be tricky. There are some LBH's who can pull it off without it appearing to be "kissing up" in a desparate attempt to get her to like him. Not being able to see your face or hear your voice when you told her .....it's hard to know for sure.
Here's my take on the whole body hug, promises of contacts, etc. at the airport. She's thinking she can endure being nice to you for a little while...since you are going over-seas. Once you're out of her hair, then she'll feel free and what can you do over there?
No, that's not very encouraging, is it? So, what will you do when you don't hear anything from her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
We communicated with a couple of brief phone calls and emails during my trip overseas.
I got back last week and was served with divorce papers on Thursday at my work. Nice. I have a month to respond.
She called to see how I was doing and we had a walk during lunch. It became a bit testy at times but she remarked how well I was taking this.
We went to dinner that night for a work-related event and had a good time considering the circumstances.
We’ve had mostly good interactions since. She has organized several activities that will take her out of the house on weekends, without me of course. She asked last night when we would tell the kids about the impending (probably) divorce and we talked briefly about potential dates.
Overall, she does seem more relaxed and joked around with me several times last night during and after dinner.
I continue to strive to be that person that only a fool would leave.
Me: 45 W: 45 S: 12 D: 9 M: 16 T:22
Bomb: 4/20/2011 Says she moves out in July with Kids Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011 She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
She's out for the weekend with our kids for a family gathering. I'm heading out to a friend's to get some advice on responding to her filing. I appears I'll have a month or so before the court removes one of us (probably me) from our house due to her filing. I don't know if there's enough time left for my continuuing 180 to change her mind but I'm enjoying my changes and they feel right, if not easy to do. She has commented that I've been an exemplary husband but she still says she wants out on her own with our kids.
We've had some uncomfortable brief talks about finances after I discovered some irregularities in our back accounts. Nothing major but it's hard to trust her and I found that I couldn't hold back from asking about them. This asking doesn't follow sandi2's list of do and dont's I'm afraid but I can't let her walk over me.
She has been on a roller coaster this past week. Sometimes happy to see me and happy in communicating but other times distant. There are times when I feel there is hope for us but other times when it feels like I'm in an impossible mission.
Me: 45 W: 45 S: 12 D: 9 M: 16 T:22
Bomb: 4/20/2011 Says she moves out in July with Kids Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011 She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
I truly hate and dispise the rollercoaster. I'm SO sorry so many of us are going through this hell. I wish I could give you all hugs!!! (((((((( )))))))))
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
I've pulled back from trying to engage her in conversation and inviting her to do things. She seems to now be initiating conversation and asking me about events in my life. I've become a bit more angry at how this has all unfolded. She's away with friends in another town tonight. It is a relief to not have her in the same house. I'm trying to detach and the anger helps but I don't like feeling angry. Maybe this detaching thing and being more distant is working, since she seems to be asking me things for a change?
Me: 45 W: 45 S: 12 D: 9 M: 16 T:22
Bomb: 4/20/2011 Says she moves out in July with Kids Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011 She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
She got home last night and I made sure I was out with our kids doing something. She expressed anger later that night when we returned that I did not let her know where we were. She said this behavior was at the root of some of our problems. She has a point here but she has also taken our kids places without letting me know. I apologized.
She let me know this morning that she was frustrated that I hadn't moved out. She said she felt suffocated.She looked angry and this was an uncomfortable interaction. I told (yet again) her I was sorry she felt that way. I think part of her bad mood was being hungry- she gets in a bad way when this happens.
After she had some coffee and had one of the waffles I made for breakfast, our conversation was pleasant. She is going out to an event tonight and I'll be spending time with our kids.
This great roller coaster continues. I'm getting tired of this ride.
Me: 45 W: 45 S: 12 D: 9 M: 16 T:22
Bomb: 4/20/2011 Says she moves out in July with Kids Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011 She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
