You're still the one

[Butterfly1]

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ox

[Freckle6]

LR: I didn't really hang in there all that time. I had, not given up, but accepted it was really over after about 2 1/2 years. He was back and forth for over a year of that time, so really after a bit over a year, I had resigned myself to being divorced. But I never win anything so I'll take the prize! Is it a pretty trophy? LOL

Hi Hope! For some reason the internet goblins ate most of my post to you in your thread yesterday.

[Butterfly1]

I think of you too every day. You and rabbit are my two biggest inspirations and have been my best friends on this site. I couldn't be happier to hear how well your new life is going as a family! BIG WELL DESERVED HUGS~

[Freckle6]

Thank you! I wish there were a way to stay in touch beyond here. Grrr.

[Butterfly1]

Me too - you can always reach me on FB just ask if you want my "real" fb page.

You have been my inspiration for so long.
Whenever I'm going through something I think Freckle went through it too - and for much longer and when her child was much younger - and it gives me strength!

[artemesia]

Hi Freckle6. I don't mean to hijack your thread but you've been in this for the long haul and I've been doing this for 3 years now. Like you, H and I have run hot and cold during this entire time. Last oct to this spring we were spendig a lot of time on the phone (10 - 20 hours a week) and some weekends together ( we lived 5 hours away due to jobs).

This spring between going back and forth of moving in together again (his idea) to him starting to see co-worker, I said enough no more contact that I couldn't deal with it this way. We talked a few times and he finally said that we shouldn't talk anymore.

So we left it at that. He called in aug but I didn't answer. He called a few days ago and I finally called him back. He has a client he wants to send to me (we are in the same professional field). We talked for an hour. He seemed really happy to talk with me and flirted. I think I was a bit aloof but I told him about the cool new things I've been doing since I moved a couple of months ago (plus I'm sick).

So this is the first time we've talked in 4 months. I'm upset with myself for talking with him. I feel like I undid all the progress I made over the last 4 months of moving on. Did you go through this and how did you deal? The timing is impeccable. Just as I'm starting to move on... I know I didn't have to talk to him. I thought I should for whatever reason this time.

Thanks for any insight...

[Freckle6]

Hope, how do I find you on FB? Having a younger child was easier I think. I could cry in front of him when he was a baby and he didn't know and since caring for an infant is so time consuming (yet mindless and rote) it distracted me from what was going on. And those baby giggles where their whole body shakes and lights up are good for getting you out of your depressing funks and seeing what is really important. Once S got older and talked about his Dad and cried for him--that was the hardest and would break my heart all over again in a different way. You know that as a mom, the worst thing is to know your child is hurting and you can't do anything about it other than comfort them.

Artemesia, don't beat yourself up over talking to your H. I think aloof was the way to go. When my H first started making his way back at exactly this time last year, he didn't just come out and say it. He was making contact w/ me in weird ways and my initial reactions were more like WTF and I was very aloof and probably pretty cold too.

One of the things I remember was that he texted me and said that it would be nice if sometime I texted him and told him what our son and I were up to. My first thought was, "FU, you don't have any right to keep tabs on me." I actually thought he was saying something snotty to me and I replied and asked what the hell he meant. He explained a bit and I found out he wasn't being a jerk, but I guess just wanted to know what we were up to when I had S. When this exchange was going on, it was a couple hours after he had dropped our S off after visitation and I had just taken S to urgent care because he had come home sicker after having a cold for like 2 weeks. So, I told him where we were and he called me and we talked a bit--mostly about S and that was it.

The next week was Halloween and against every fiber of my being I texted him and told him about trick or treeting plans and invited him to come if he wanted. He did and it was awkward and I hated being near him and barely said a word to him. I didn't know what was going on with him, but I was not going to let myself get pulled back in again unless he flat out said what his intentions were.

I know it's hard when you think you've moved on and they do something that pulls you back there and you realize you weren't moved on nearly as far as you thought. I never really figured out how to not do that, so unfortunately I can't tell you any magic things to do to protect yourself. You'd think I might have figured this out as it's been going on with him since I was about 12, but I guess not... LOL

Hang in there! If he is having second (ninth?) thoughts he will make them clearer. At this point, I'd stay distant and if he's thinking of trying to reconnect, he'll make the effort to keep trying to get to you and you'll know better where he stands.

[Freckle6]

Things have been good here since H moved back in at the end of Sept. In some ways we're still kind of shy around one another, but it's been getting easier.

H got a new job last week which requires him to travel a lot. Last night was the first night he was gone and it was weird to be alone in bed again. Though I will admit it was nice sleeping without the snoring that I still haven't gotten used to again.

He's going to be gone during the week probably more often than not now. He won't be terribly far away--a few hours usually, but away is away. When he was considering this job (more money and benefits which he didn't have) and we were talking about the travel, I told him that to be completely blunt, the travel part wouldn't really be a big deal to me and our son at home as I had been handling everything for 5+ years anyway. I made a point to tell him I did like him here and did want him with us ideally, but logistically, it wouldn't be a big transition for our family as it would be for "normal" families. He said to me, "so, in other words, you haven't gotten that used to me being around again". LOL

I think our slow reconciliation will help too. We spent most of a year texting during the week and spending the weekends together so this will be similar to that. We did make a point to explain to our son (he's only 6) that this was still Daddy's home and when he didn't have to be away because of work, that this is where he'll be.

Hope all is well with the handful of us that are here.

[Freckle6]

Found myself wandering around here and figured I'd throw a quick update up.

Things are going well with us. H's "new" job keeps him out of town most weeks so it's sort of the best of both worlds in some ways.

After a long, horribly horrible and painful battle, my MIL died of cancer in May. It was the most horrifying (did I say it was horrible?) thing I've ever been though and I wouldn't wish that kind of death on my worst enemy. I know it made her happy that we were back together. She told me that when he called her last fall to tell her he was moving home she said that was the best news she had had in years. I miss her so much though and it still hasn't sunk in that she's gone. She was my rock for those difficult years.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I am sorry for your loss Freckle.