Walk away spouse- what else can I do?

[Handler]

I think the A is over but don't know 100%.

I can verify that my W was pretty happy during the height of the A.

[Handler]

Your only other option, and I DO NOT recommend this NOR encourage it... just putting it out there... just as food for thought...

What if YOU were suddenly in a rush to D? What do you think your W might think or do if suddenly, you not only responded VERY QUICKLY to requests, but went further and asked her to hurry up the process as you want D final as soon as possible... perhaps by a specific date...

That is said strictly for... entertainment purposes... allow yourself to consider her perspective... once she's D... what's her plan? Maybe she THINKS she has a plan, but once she gets her "win"... she might be VERY lost because her purpose in life right now is to D so once she has that in hand... ????

My lawyer friend (I've known him before he went over to the dark side) actually suggested this to me. He said it would:
1. Help restore some control on my behalf in this crisis
2. Make her start having to think more actively about the huge ball of crap that accompanies a divorce

I just think she'd be pleased about this but don't know for sure. I would have trouble facing my kids knowing that I had filed. Both have behavorial difficulties and this thing, should it come to be, will be very hard on them.

[~ kd ~]

Understood...

For the sake of discussion, let's say that your M does end...

What is your "Plan B" for helping the kids deal with the D.

One thing I'm always thinking about is, how to best provide the necessary support for my kids as their dad, in a "worst case" scenario...

[Handler]

We're struggling on how to sort that out.

She wants to tell them that were splitting after I return from visiting my mom.

That puts us at least two weeks out.

[Handler]

And really... if she wants to think you're working against the D... what would she expect... that you're going to jump up and down for it...? She knows how you feel...

Your only other option, and I DO NOT recommend this NOR encourage it... just putting it out there... just as food for thought...

What if YOU were suddenly in a rush to D? What do you think your W might think or do if suddenly, you not only responded VERY QUICKLY to requests, but went further and asked her to hurry up the process as you want D final as soon as possible... perhaps by a specific date...

That is said strictly for... entertainment purposes... allow yourself to consider her perspective... once she's D... what's her plan? Maybe she THINKS she has a plan, but once she gets her "win"... she might be VERY lost because her purpose in life right now is to D so once she has that in hand... ????

I talked to my lawyer friend again tonight and relayed the information about last nights re-bombing.

He again suggested that I file, and that this would force her to confront some reality. He believes that she's enjoying a lot of liberty at the moment, and has me in puppet mode. He's willing to file on my behalf. He's said that he's had a number of filings that resulted in the two parties reconciling as a filing really makes people take a look at what comes next.

I'm intrigued by this opportunity. This would be a clear message that I'm ready to move on. This would require a commitment on my part. I'm of course struggling as to whether I can really buy into this.

[~ kd ~]

Really tough choice. Nothing should ever be used as a tactic.

Only choose D if it is really something you are prepared for because that is as likely the end result.

I don't envy your position at all.

In the mean time, how is your GALing coming along?

[Handler]

I'll have some time away over the next 11 days as I'm with my mom to think about this.

My GAL is OK but I probably need to do more away from the house.

I have signed on as assistant football coach (yeah!) for my son's team. This will get me out at least 5 days a week beyond my normal schedule and give me something else to focus on. This begins immediately on my return from visiting my mom.

The W continues to be friendly with me. She's not putting me down and is attentive to everything I say. This is the best she's treated me since she dropped the bomb.

Although I'm enjoying the change and hope it sticks, it is confusing as to why this pleasant change began on Friday and continues given her re-bombing Monday night.

Sandi2 warned me to not try and understand the actions of the WAW but I can't help but wonder about what's motivating this behavior.

[~ kd ~]

Well, sandi2 ALSO let you know that sometimes... a WAS can be in a down mood when an A is not going so well and in an UP mood when an A is... well... making her happy... and she might be transferring that happiness on you... by mistake...

Sorry to mention that, but Sandi2 was a WAS and she's quite in tune with how they "think"...

[sandi2]

If you will go back and read about having a great day with her, and even were playful, look at the conversation topic. You were not fighting her about the D, so she thought, "Hey, he's going to give me what I want and he'll still be my best friend".......and you were not seeing that at all. You saw your W acting happy and like so many men do, you weren't LISTENING!!! You thought things were in an upward swing.

[Handler]

Except for the Monday night talk, she's been pretty consistent on being much more pleasant with me. I'm not sure about the not fighting about the D being the root of her more pleasant nature as she has told me that she knows I don't want a D.

She drove me to the airport today for my trip to visit my mom. Not a long drive at about 35 minutes but still some time out of her day. We didn't have much intimate conversation as I was filling out some forms that were needed. I offered an embrace as she let me off at the terminal and although she was hesitant, we hugged for a brief moment. Our first real touch in months. Be still my beating heart!

The trip involves a overseas flight and minutes after checking in, I was informed that my initial flight was delayed due to security issues. There was no way I was going to make my overseas connection. I called her on the cell and she came back to pick me up.

I'll try flying out again tomorrow. She has agreed to drive me again tomorrow and I'll try to engage in some meaningful conversation. I talked about giving her a calling card number to reach me and she voiced her doubts that we would have intimate conversation. I'm just not sure how to engage in intimate conversation without talking about our R or the D she seems intent upon.

It is her birthday today and we had a fun birthday dinner last night as I expected to be gone this evening. She's out with friends at an event and I'm home with our S.