Prayers to you. As far as your family and friends go, my stand has always been they're not you and they aren't married to your spouse. What you do in this situation is purely up to you. It's not even his decision (Okay, he does have a little say ;)) have fun at the beach
M-34 W-31 2 S,11&11 1 D, 6 T 13 YEARS M 12 YEARS ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009 We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.
hey lc4, thanks for the prayers and i'll say a prayer for you tonight.
I absolutely agree with Roy... this remains about you and your H.
I have thought about how family and friends (both my W and mine) would react to an R. I am sure they would accept it and support me, even if they continued to think it was a mistake.
Anyhow, keep doing what you're doing and stay strong. Your H can keep talking about MC, but until he sets up the appointment, it's still just words...
Keep the road home paved and smooth... but do NOT build the bridge... that's for him to do...
Thank you so very much for your kind words. I'm at the beach with the kids and H had mentioned coming mid-week. He then yesterday threw a fit about me having the locks re-keyed on our home and said all kinds of horrid things to me via text about it. I really had no choice at the time but to do that; he had come in and taken many things just to hurt me when I was on my girlfriends' weekend trip a week after he dropped the bomb with the kids. I did it to protect myself and belongings and had told him I had it done, but he won't listen. So....I'm turning my phone off and am going to enjoy my time in beautiful Destin with my 4 kiddos. Please pray for H's heart to soften; that he will be able to become more forgiving and kind. I feel sorry for him; it's no way to live with anger and bitterness in your heart.
The kids and I rolled in from our week-long beach vacation a couple of hours ago, and H and I already have had an argument. Before even reaching our house, he texted my oldest daughter asking her if they were coming to his home to spend the night, even though I had told him 2 hours before they would stay with me (since we were getting in at dinnertime and I had no clean clothes to send to his home with them). He then "told" on my daugther to me, saying she said I told the kids they "couldn't" go to his home. It was NOT what she had typed, but in the meantime, she got very upset thinking she had caused us to argue. The kids were exhausted from a 11 hour car ride and just wanted to sleep in their own beds in the home they've always known, but he wasn't having it. So, I loaded 4 crying kiddos up to take to their daddy's home. What a way to ruin the wonderful vacation they just had. Welcome back to reality, kids! Grrr..... So, it's obvious he was blowing smoke out his self-righteous REAR END about reconciling and going to counseling. I can only guess that he did it to be mean to me. Perhaps I was starting to appear that I was moving on with life and he didn't like that. It's no fun for him if he doesn't have me completely under his control. So, he accomplished his goal and hurt me deeply once again. If I could get this nightmare divorce finalized tomorrow, I would agree to anything, including 0 financial support, with the exception of losing my sweet babies (there is NO WAY that will ever happen). I want nothing financial or materialistic from him; I just want peace. I don't want to feel like I am in need of him in anyway anymore. I want to be free of him and his control. I understand that he and I will always have to be in each other's lives because we share 4 children together, but that's the only connection I wish to have anymore. I have lived a very nice, upscale lifestyle being married to my husband (never mind those years I worked my rear end off putting him through law school), and I would give it all up for peace. I'm not a Walk Away Wife...I'm a RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN Wife. Pray for me, friends. Pray for my kids. Pray for the self-righteous rear end. Pray that we can all have peace soon. I'm running out of tears.
I am really struggling today. It is so hard to be away from the kids and from my husband. I miss my family as a unit so very much. I picked the kids up from his house this morning to go to church; he stopped going a couple of years ago. It was so hard to take them back afterwards. My little one, just turned 5, seemed so torn getting out of the car. I could tell his little mind was wondering why he couldn't be with both of us. He gave me a good long hug and then stood at the house doorway yelling bye Mommy and waving to me as I drove away. I held myself together until I pulled out, but I've been crying off and on since then.
Also, for anyone who happens to read this, if you haven't seen it on the boards already (I stumbled upon it earlier)....a fellow DB'er, ninelives, lost his wife yesterday. She left behind her husband, who obviously loved her very much, 2 sons and a host of family and friends who loved her. Reading about this has put my problems in perspective. Please add your words of support and condolences to ninelives...the thread is BE CAREFUL DBING, and please pray for him and his family.
Your family therapist can give you better guidance than I can, but the one thing I consistently hear from ours (and read) is that the more you can minimize the "exchanges", the easier it is on the kids. I know it's not always easy, but a visitation schedule that doesn't require you to do a pick up and then drop off within a couple hours of each other might help the kids.
Just my 2�.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
H and I texted a bit last night. He remains in his depressed state, saying there is much that he needs to work on with himself. I am trying to read between the lines of what he is really saying...is that his way of putting the marriage and me off completely, or is he really trying to make changes in himself so the marriage possibly can be reconciled? Also, he is coming over for dinner with the kids and me tonight. Is this something I should allow to happen if he hasn't made a firm commitment to go to marriage counseling and call off the weapons of mass destruction in the divorce? I've read DB and DR a million times, but I'm really unsure of how to proceed at this point. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
lc4, just wanted to drop in and let you know I am lifting you and and your family up in prayer.
I say go ahead and let your H come over for dinner. Just try to be the best lc4 you can be. Don't have any expectations. Try to keep it light, upbeat, and positive. Try to avoid R talk if possible. Most of all, pray about it.
