No 2x4s from me. He is like a yo-yo. I can see why you're getting a whiplash of emotions. I'm glad to hear you had a good evening, and I'm even more glad you are preparing for the pull back.
Your H seems to have a D fantasy similar to my W's. Happiness is on the other side of D. When you're unhappyMy W's swing don't seems to be as drastic as those of your H, though. My W started bringing up about 9 years ago, and brought it up in just about every serious argument. It didn't really do a whole lot for helping to solve any issues. I was on eggshells. As you can see from my signature, this last bomb was bomb #2. She went to counseling with me after bomb #1. I'm just mentioning this because I can feel some of your pain. I don't think I'm getting the whiplash like you are, probably more like a neck cramp.
No 2x4s from me...I don't think I could refuse my W if we were in that situation.
Question is, how do you feel this morning about everything?
Thanks for your restraint with the 2x4s; you are too much of a gentleman! I truly need one so I can keep my boundaries up and quit doing "more of the same" behavior...because that just tells him his "more of the same" is okay. And none of that is okay.
Not quite sure how I'm feeling. I'm no more or less hopeful about reconciling. Again, I'll believe that is a possibility when I see that he makes an effort at true change and commits to MC. And please understand. I in NO way think I'm the perfect wife! I know that I need to make changes as well, but in order for us to be on the same page of what changes NEED to be made, we need to work with a MC. We simply cannot fix it on our own.
I also don't feel any better or worse about myself. It happened, it is what it is. No use beating myself up over it or priding myself in the fact that it happened. It was a very enjoyable night, wasn't awkward, so that is all good. It was kind of weird having him in bed again, holding me through the night, etc. I could tell he's missed my presence, even in his sleep. No doubt, there is still a lot of love left on both sides. It's the liking each other that we need to work on.
So, I'm okay. Yesterday was a busy one with the kids, today will be as well. That is always a good thing!
Sounds like you've got yourself under control; that's the important part. You're a human being w/ human emotions, needs and desires...just like the rest of us.
This is a great observation:
"No doubt, there is still a lot of love left on both sides. It's the liking each other that we need to work on."
Amen to that.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
JB, no doubt he has a D fantasy. He really thinks the grass is greener at a bachelor's pad than at the family home. He is one of those stubborn people who has to learn the hard way that the "freedom" of divorce isn't all that and a bag of chips. One thing that I think contributed to him leaving the marriage in such a hurry this time is that he doesn't discuss his feelings with his Christian, married friends who know me and our family and our history...he knows how they all feel about this situation (they've made it clear to him)! He this time has turned to a single friend/work aquaintance (never married) who doesn't live here and has never met me or our kids. He has turned to him because he knows he is going to hear what he wants to hear...no 2x4s. So, yes...I'm prepared for the pull back...got my emotional neck brace on. This time was bomb #3 for me...I'm starting to lose count.
lc4, oh yeah, they will surround themselves with people who tell them what they want to hear. I have referred to her twice-divorced sister as her divorce coach before. I'll have to say, though, that I do the same thing - I surround myself with people who are pro saving the M. I have very little interest in talking to someone who tells me to just give up. Perhaps the difference is I will tend to challenge someone with a differing opinion. There's some people I've been able to get to start drinking the DB Kool-Aid with me when they understand it.
My support system (other than this board) consists of my family (parents, sisters, b-i-ls; we are very tight-knit) and 4 friends (3 from my childhood and only one who lives here). I'm extremely private about my M and don't discuss it much even with my tight circle (that's why this board is good for me to vent). I keep them on a need-to-know basis only. While the 1st 2 times my support system supported my decision to return to the M, stay the course, etc., they now are all pretty done with H. They are tired of seeing me and the kids hurt again & again. I don't think any of them would "abandon" me if we R, but I think there would be a few "Amen!"s if we do D. They simply do not believe he will ever change. And believe me, they all loved him for many years and forgave him countless times. H's support system has pretty much told him he's nuts at this point, which is why he's latched on to this new buddy to confirm his poor choices. Misery loves company!!!
Journaling.... It's been a good day. 2 oldest are still at the "outlaws", and I took the 2 little ones to the movie. I'm currently poolside with a good book and a cold glass of chardonnay. I've received a few texts today with no real purpose other than checking in. It's almost as if nothing has changed. And yet, everything has.
Journaling.... It's been a good day. 2 oldest are still at the "outlaws", and I took the 2 little ones to the movie. I'm currently poolside with a good book and a cold glass of chardonnay.
Sounds delightful, lc4! Enjoy! The book, no doubt, must be DR.
Originally Posted By: lc4
It's almost as if nothing has changed. And yet, everything has.
Really warped, isn't it! Hang in there and enjoy your evening!
Thanks, JB. You know, I'm trying to read anything BUT self-help, DB-type, etc. etc. books right now and just focus on some good FICTION! I need my escapes from reality! I did see "Smurfs" today at the movie theater. Oh heavens.... H came by again tonight...he's in the kitchen taking a business related call. My youngest asked if Daddy doesn't live at that other house anymore. I replied, "Yep. He does." I mean, what in the hey is going on around here?!?
