Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Another excellent read is the following and it can be downloaded free in PDF form. just google: The Negative Love Syndrome. author Bob Hoffman. With this you should be able to get into perspective, the MLCer and ones own short comings, and how and where one learned the behaviour etc.
Wow that was really enlightening..Thanks so much for recommending that Delboy.
We;ve always said that issues from childhood are part of the MLC process. I never quite grasped how that worked, until NOW.
I didn't really grasp it all because my mom loved me with all her heart. I mattered. period. There were a few times I felt I didn't matter, but I now understand that was when she was going through a time of serious turmoil in her life and battling her own demons.
The checklist of behaviors of your mother and father...Dear Lord XH's mother and step father fit every one of them. I know this from the little that he's told me through the years, but then actually seeing this dynamic with his very own mother.
Wow. It is hard to read since it is so familiar. I know I haven't been the best husband I could be, but so much of this hits home its not funny. I can also see how I was more of a codependent caretaker and fed into some of this behavior early on, which just made me a "nice guy" who was resentful when things didn't turn around. I am happy I can at least see the changes I need to make in myself while also being prepared for anythign that could still come. Thank you for this post.
I'm 33, she's 32. S4 S2 Married 6 years together 8 EA started Oct 2011 ILYBINILWY February 2012 EA turned PA (for sure)March 2012
This is so dead on with what my H is like. Out of a list of 30, there are only a few that don't apply, and that's scary.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
