E, I don't want to feel detached, but after the last couple of nights...I don't know. I just am so tired of putting up with this. I'm starting to wonder if we are just wasting each other's time and need to move on. I know there is a lot of love left between us, as there should be since we have children together, but I'm just getting worn out.
Sorry for the short reply, lc4. I was typing here and texting my daughter at the same time. That's as much multi-tasking as I can handle.
First, you are no dumb blonde. Blonde, yes (according to you). Dumb, absolutely not (according to me).
But I digress...
You said:
"I know there is a lot of love left between us, as there should be since we have children together, but I'm just getting worn out."
That is what I meant by parental love. Sure, you love each other as parents to your children. You'll always have that. And that's a good thing for your children.
But a husband and wife should love each other in a different way, also...with respect, trust, intimacy, passion...they should adore each other, miss each other when one is away, serve each other before themselves and look at each other with joy and longing.
That is what I meant by marital love. If that isn't present, something is wrong.
I know it's not fireworks every day. But that kind of love should always be there, smoldering, waiting for the right moment to appear between a husband and wife.
And that is what is so frustrating about what we are fighting for. We want to feel that kind of intense love and connection, and most of us want to feel it with our spouses. We know it might have been missing before, but we see those mistakes and want so much to correct them and share that new love with our spouses.
But they are not feeling it. They have shut down that part of their heart, of their soul, that allows them to feel that kind of love for us. Maybe it happened years ago; for some here, it happened only months or even weeks ago. But the situation is the same; we are trying to push a rope up a hill by wanting our love for them to be acknowledged and returned.
And if our desire to have our spouses return that love remains unfulfilled, it starts to die within us, too. We see them differently, because they have become different, alien to us; no longer the person we wanted to share that marital love with.
lc4, you have fought the good fight. I could not have shown your strength and grace the way you have. You are the woman only a fool would leave, and I think - hopefully without sounding too sappy - that any man would be proud to stand alongside you.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
E, I don't want to feel detached, but after the last couple of nights...I don't know. I just am so tired of putting up with this. I'm starting to wonder if we are just wasting each other's time and need to move on. I know there is a lot of love left between us, as there should be since we have children together, but I'm just getting worn out.
I just rambled on about this for half a page in my thread. Apparently, I need to learn to summarize. Hah.
Anyway, I'm right there with you.
I am just so tired of this drama.
And I have to wonder if it's just a character issue that my H will never overcome.
Do you feel like your H is going to leave every time you have a fight, or every time you go through the normal ups and downs of a long-term marriage? Because no marriage is perfect.
But a husband and wife should love each other in a different way, also...with respect, trust, intimacy, passion...they should adore each other, miss each other when one is away, serve each other before themselves and look at each other with joy and longing.
That is what I meant by marital love. If that isn't present, something is wrong.
I know it's not fireworks every day. But that kind of love should always be there, smoldering, waiting for the right moment to appear between a husband and wife.
And that is what is so frustrating about what we are fighting for. We want to feel that kind of intense love and connection, and most of us want to feel it with our spouses. We know it might have been missing before, but we see those mistakes and want so much to correct them and share that new love with our spouses.
But they are not feeling it. They have shut down that part of their heart, of their soul, that allows them to feel that kind of love for us. Maybe it happened years ago; for some here, it happened only months or even weeks ago. But the situation is the same; we are trying to push a rope up a hill by wanting our love for them to be acknowledged and returned.
And if our desire to have our spouses return that love remains unfulfilled, it starts to die within us, too. We see them differently, because they have become different, alien to us; no longer the person we wanted to share that marital love with.
lc4, you have fought the good fight. I could not have shown your strength and grace the way you have. You are the woman only a fool would leave, and I think - hopefully without sounding too sappy - that any man would be proud to stand alongside you.
Telemark, this is a great post. You are very wise. I'm going to save this one.
E, I don't want to feel detached, but after the last couple of nights...I don't know. I just am so tired of putting up with this. I'm starting to wonder if we are just wasting each other's time and need to move on. I know there is a lot of love left between us, as there should be since we have children together, but I'm just getting worn out.
Hang in there lc4. I'm gonna echo something you just posted to me. Your H is showing you a man right now you don't want to be M'd to, but you know deep down somewhere in there is the man you still love. I can see how you are flat-dab wore out right now. Work on yourself. Pray for strength to persevere. Know that I and several others are also praying for you.
Sorry for the short reply, lc4. I was typing here and texting my daughter at the same time. That's as much multi-tasking as I can handle.
First, you are no dumb blonde. Blonde, yes (according to you). Dumb, absolutely not (according to me).
But I digress...
You said:
"I know there is a lot of love left between us, as there should be since we have children together, but I'm just getting worn out."
That is what I meant by parental love. Sure, you love each other as parents to your children. You'll always have that. And that's a good thing for your children.
But a husband and wife should love each other in a different way, also...with respect, trust, intimacy, passion...they should adore each other, miss each other when one is away, serve each other before themselves and look at each other with joy and longing.
That is what I meant by marital love. If that isn't present, something is wrong.
I know it's not fireworks every day. But that kind of love should always be there, smoldering, waiting for the right moment to appear between a husband and wife.
And that is what is so frustrating about what we are fighting for. We want to feel that kind of intense love and connection, and most of us want to feel it with our spouses. We know it might have been missing before, but we see those mistakes and want so much to correct them and share that new love with our spouses.
But they are not feeling it. They have shut down that part of their heart, of their soul, that allows them to feel that kind of love for us. Maybe it happened years ago; for some here, it happened only months or even weeks ago. But the situation is the same; we are trying to push a rope up a hill by wanting our love for them to be acknowledged and returned.
And if our desire to have our spouses return that love remains unfulfilled, it starts to die within us, too. We see them differently, because they have become different, alien to us; no longer the person we wanted to share that marital love with.
lc4, you have fought the good fight. I could not have shown your strength and grace the way you have. You are the woman only a fool would leave, and I think - hopefully without sounding too sappy - that any man would be proud to stand alongside you.
This post...THIS is what it is all about. That last paragraph...you just don't know what those words mean to me. Thank you so much.
E, I don't want to feel detached, but after the last couple of nights...I don't know. I just am so tired of putting up with this. I'm starting to wonder if we are just wasting each other's time and need to move on. I know there is a lot of love left between us, as there should be since we have children together, but I'm just getting worn out.
Hang in there lc4. I'm gonna echo something you just posted to me. Your H is showing you a man right now you don't want to be M'd to, but you know deep down somewhere in there is the man you still love. I can see how you are flat-dab wore out right now. Work on yourself. Pray for strength to persevere. Know that I and several others are also praying for you.
Sweet JB...Justin Bieber...Johnny Bench.... I am afraid that in my H's case, he has become the person that he is portraying. It is so very sad, because I married, and by the grace of God, brought 4 children into this world with an AMAZING man. A couple of weeks ago, I went through a box of old letters and cards he gave me throughout our marriage. I am just blown away at how much he has changed from when I married him 13 + years ago. I'm not saying that I don't think he CAN change back; I'm starting to believe he WON'T change back.
Flat dab wore out? Shoot, JB...this Texan couldn't have put it better herself!
The prayers...oh how I so appreciate and covet the prayers. That is what has gotten me and the kids through the last 3 years! At some point, I stopped praying for the Lord to save my marriage, and began to pray instead that my will be His will. I feel peace with that.
Apparently, I need to learn to summarize. Hah.
