Sorry to hear you are hurting so bad lc4. Hang in there and don't make any rash decisions. Focus on thinking what YOU need and what will make you feel better.
It sounds like you are starting to detach which should help you continue to gain more perspective. Getting a separate hotel room for the soccer tournament sounds like a good idea at this point as well.
((( )))
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Thanks to all of you for your insight and words of wisdom.
I think I'm going to step away from the boards for a little while...focus on getting the kids back into the swing of the school year and all of their activities; look for a part-time job (for the first time in well over a decade, I won't have a child at home to care for during the day); spend some time and energy and thought on anything and everything in my life but my relationship with my husband. It's obvious nothing is going to happen with the divorce that's on file for the time being; it's been sitting for almost 4 months, and I imagine it will continue to sit for as long as I want.
My life is totally consumed by thoughts of my husband, our relationship, our marriage, our separation, our potential divorce...it's what I think about and read about and write about and talk about most of my days and then either dream about or lie awake obsessing about most of my nights. The 2 weeks after he dropped the bomb on the kids and I stepped away (from him, from the boards, from even the thought of possibly reconciling), I was really able to clear my mind and work on me. But since he has come back wanting to reconcile, I've gone back to that spineless girl who is waiting and watching for his next move. I don't like being that girl. She's not near as cute as the real me, on the inside or out.
I wish all of you the best in your situations while I check out for awhile. There are some mighty good DB'ers who have been commenting on my thread and helping me through this, and I know that good things are in store for each of you, with or without your spouses. I also have no doubt that in each case if the marriage doesn't survive, your spouses will one day regret their decision to give up so easily.
Telemark: Noticed you just separated last week. I'm in same sitch. Sorry. Will probably happen in a few days. Same # of M, same time in this one. Every day I get more and more detached. It's hard, starting over at this age is hard.
lc4, you know I wish only good things for you. I will miss our conversations, but I understand your need to step away from it all for a while. You have so much to give and offer; your kids are lucky to have you watching over them.
Your H is a fool.
Don't stay away too long.
Big Yankee hug...
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Michael1, sorry to see you are about to embark on the single living journey. However, almost 2 weeks in, and I'm feeling better than I thought I would.
I'll visit your thread and post a thought or two.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
lc4, I'm going to miss you too. Reading about your sitch made me feel not so alone in mine. It has also helped me realize that I have allowed myself to feel unworthy and maybe even a little afraid of commitment (it's amazing how it's easier to see the answers in others sitches but not in our own.)
That said, you have to do what's best for YOU! And I completely understand your need to step off the crazy train. .
I hope the time away give you a new perspective and a renewed strength. We're all pulling for you and your kiddies.
I am wondering if he doesn't really want me, but wants to make sure no one else gets me either.
I'd say that's an accurate assessment.
25yearsMLC made this observation, that spouses are like a monkey swinging from the vine, they don't let go of one until they have another one in hand.
I empathize with your exhaustion and frustration.
Wishing you strength and stamina during this difficult time.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
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