I just wanted to add I was NOT being sarcastic. I really do hope the letter gets your wife thinking in way that she comes back to because of the person you've become.
I don't think you want her to come back b/c of pressure or fear alone.
I guess I would have just worded what you said differently, if I was going to write something like that. For example, I wouldn't have used the world "detach" in an email.
I won't judge you for being lawerly.
Thanks Harrier. I know that you wish me the best.
As for whether or not things could have been worded differently goes, I'm sure that I could have... but there are a million woulda, coulda, shouldas with this...
There is no manual on how to do this stuff... no 'right' answer... we play our cards and let the chips fall where they may...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
We can nitpick the words. For me just too many. But that is neither here nor there. I thought the gist of it was good.
But I'm confused....
Quote:
but I will not ignore her if she contacts me.
So I guess status quo? Still chit chat about her apartment and such? Jokes about the weather?
Or just a real attempt to reconnect?
Not sure where this leaves you.
I guess what i mean is that I hope that she understands from my email that I'm really not interested in casual chit chat... that it prevents me from moving forward with my life.
BUT...
That if she needs something, I will not flat out ignore her.
OR...
That if she does contact me bc she is interested in working towards something, that I will not ignore her.
Obviously, nothing is ever so black and white... I'm just going to have to let it all play out and see what happens.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Just want to say that I think you are there. You have a plan in place to deal with your W that is RESPECTFUL and KIND to her while at the same time PROTECTS YOU and YOUR FEELINGS.
This is a hard place to get to.........you have to try it all the other ways first and see them fail before you calm down and start to look at yourself and the other people in your life differently.
Now that you are in this place, it is still hard work to stay there.
I hesitate to put words in Cat's mouth (forgive me Cat ) but I think what she is saying is that it might not take very much to knock you out of that healthy place you are in.
It happened to me once or twice and it happened as recently as this last Christmas......so it is just a word of caution that the "work" never stops......and it will become evident when you do start that next realationship
whether it is with your wife or with someone else.......
Cheers
~C
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Going dark is something I've been considering in my own sitch, I just find it hard to as my W and I have a S1 and I really can't go an evening without hearing his little babbles and "Hi dada" when I check on him every evening. Just something I'm considering and in your sitch I definitely would have just...disappeared. Let her make the contact from now on I would guess.
I think you did a pretty good job in your email. Like the others, a little wordy but then I'm more of a bullet item kind of guy. However ...
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
I guess what i mean is that I hope that she understands from my email that I'm really not interested in casual chit chat... that it prevents me from moving forward with my life.
I don't get from your email that you're not interested in casual chit chat like has been going on. I think she's going to continue to try to maintain casual contact with you so she knows you're "still out there." And how you respond to her next contact will be key. And she WILL contact you over some mundane item.......
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I think she's going to continue to try to maintain casual contact with you so she knows you're "still out there." And how you respond to her next contact will be key. And she WILL contact you over some mundane item.......
Yep. Like I said, how she's going to respond to this is all very predictable.
) but I think what she is saying is that it might not take very much to knock you out of that healthy place you are in.