The divorce recovery class I'm a part of had a teaching about emotional intimacy. I've posted it before. There's five levels and the emotional intimacy, the teaching says, stops progressing once you start having sex.
It made sense to me. XW and I were getting it on very early in the relationship and I know now there's lots of things I never learned about her.
The goal of the teaching is to convince you to wait until marriage the second time around.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
It is an interesting idea that physical intimacy can ruin a relationship but, what is too soon? We have not slept together but there is lots of making out and fooling around. She is waiting for marriage to have sex with someone. yikes!
I mean, after you marry someone and sleep with them does the marriage become only about getting it on? Who is to say that waiting is any guarentee of success?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
She is waiting for marriage to have sex with someone. yikes!
You know, I'm sure there are plenty of religious people here who will disagree with me on this. But for me? I'd never go for this.
As an experienced adult, I would worry about whether I would marry someone and then find out they are impotent or bad in bed. I would also worry that, unless it was in the context of some shared serious religious beliefs, that they were too low-drive for me or had other issues around sex that would interfere with that part of our relationship.
Now - if she's a virgin in her 20's? Maybe then I could understand.
As a girl myself - ok, old lady - that says to me either: - she's VERY religious - maybe too much for you unless you share her beliefs? OR - she's low drive (seriously, I could never have made it to 30 without having sex, even though I went to catholic school and white-knuckled my virginity until I got into college.) - she's got issues around sex (hx of abuse? Distrust of men? Thinks it's "bad"?)
She is not and never was Muslim. She is Christian. Time will tell on the cultural thing but so far everything has been pretty good. There have been some bumps with me being a divorced Dad but I think we can handle it.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
- ok, old lady - that says to me either: