Ok I won't say that I won't make love with someone before I marry them bu I totally understand it. It was a big deal for me when I was growing up and not because I had some fear of God or sin or whatever. It was a choice I made. Not everyone that doesn't want to jump in bed on the third date has a low sex drive. Such BS.
For a lot of us out here sex means something besides a good time. If you are so focused on what a good lay they are, you may fail to see what a liar they are, how irresponsible with their money, how they have no goals, but hey good sex is what you are after. You are making your bed, good thing you get to lay in it.
Sorry this thinking makes me think of teenagers and not adults. I have a healthy sex drive and no, I haven't been with anyone since my divorce. Oh, there MUST be something wrong with me. Actually there isn't. I can take care of that myself if need be, but I have been busy getting 4 kids back to a balanced place in their own lives.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Sorry I was harsh! I just had a conversation with my son that responsibility has to come before fun. Not that I don't want him to have a good time but he can't put his obligations on the back burner and let them slide.
He has always been really responsible but all of that went out the window with his first serious girlfriend over the summer. I needed to say something so he could focus on balancing work, school and girlfriend and friends. It can be done and I know he can do it, but it isn't easy.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I haven't found that sex has affected intimacy. My bf and I have grown together in both intimacy and having sex. Sex is fun and adds to the relationship, it doesn't mean that we didn't do intimate things like kiss and cuddle and hang out etc. Now we are apart we both crave spending time together over sex like watching tv together or cuddling on the sofa, although we miss sex too of course. Sex adds fun, it's been my experience that if a guy is into you sex doesn't destroy that. It's just your choice if you want to give that part of yourself to that person and if you are ok with all possible outcomes.
Thanks Violin. I was ticked though too because I really don't agree that there has to be something wrong with you if you aren't having sex.
The guy I was interested in last year that decided to go with the 29 year old cupcake, moved her and her kids half way across the country to live with him...you guessed it, they fell apart. They didn't know each other except as sponsor Dad and daughter(creeps me out too!). They didn't get to know each other as adults. Just thought oh, this sounds like fun and it was for a while. Then when real life reared it's ugly head, things fell apart. The whole relationship was built on hormones. Case in point, they are aren't together but enjoy benefits.
I think the majority of the time relationships based on sex fail.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
There is no right or wrong here. Everyone has different needs, wishes and desires.
I, personally, could not go around having sex for fun. I would lose all respect for myself. I would do everything to teach my kids not to do that either. But did I wait until marriage to have sex the first time around or the second? No. But that was my choice. Would I encourage my kids to hold out until marriage? No. I don't really think that is realistic. It also might push them into marriage too soon and after my own failed marriage - that is not what I want for them.
I think I'm in a healthy relationship. I miss him when we are not together. I miss his companionship, our fun times and sex. But I would not say that sex tops the list. More like the icing on the cake. But icing without cake just gives me a tummy ache. And I think that's how sex without some kind of commitment might be. (I wouldn't know - I choose not to try).
I think I would be a bit worried about a 30 year old who wanted to wait. But I'm not in that relationship so I can't say for sure. I wouldn't want to make that kind of commitment without knowing that we were compatible. Yes - like a test drive - LOL! I think it is even less realistic for a someone who is NOT a virgin, one with kids to wait. But only you know what is really going on in your R and whether or not you could wait. I seriously hope you will not rush into marriage with this woman just so you can finally have sex with her. I'm not sure how long you've been divorced but I do know that it takes a long, long time to recover from a divorce and be ready for a new marriage.
