I just caught up on your thread and you sound like you're reaching a place of understanding and of "letting go". And I think you might have just stepped off that rollercoaster.
Anyway, I hope counselling is the catalyst for change. I really do. I hope your H can get to a place of forgiveness because you have tried so hard to keep your family together. You should be so proud of that because it's so difficult and so painful when you feel like you're doing it alone.
I am sending you all the positive thoughts I can...
Good to hear from you, E! I appreciate your words of support and your big hugs.
You know what, I think I've stepped off the roller coaster, too! I'm amazed by how good I've been feeling the last few days. I've really gotten comfortable with him not being in the house! I have 0 desire to pursue him anymore. When contact is made, it is initiated by him (unless it is absolutely necessary on my part, with regard to the kids' schedules, etc). It's not that I don't feel love for him or am no longer sad about the separation; it's just that I'm not overwhelmed by the feelings anymore. I think this is what is referred to as PEACE. It's pretty nice!!!
I'm prayerful, as well, that the counseling can bring about some positive changes...for him, for me, for us, for our family. If the best thing that comes from counseling is that we do divorce but can be effective co-parents, then that's okay. That's better than being hateful, bitter, ex-spouses who can't get along even for the sake of our kids. If we eventually reconcile, then great! But change is so very needed and necessary.
I hope you are doing okay; I'll check in on you! Love and hugs, sweet friend! lc4
I've been off the boards but I just got caught up...lc4, you are doing so well! I am happy to read about you being able to experience some peace and stability; for your sake and for the kids' sakes.
I guess I'll be the dam (not wet) blanket and just say to be on your guard for your H to backslide into old habits. I'm sure you know all of that; I don't want to see you get hurt any more.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Checking in...it's been a week since things with H have been more pleasant again. We've gotten along all week, shuffling kids back and forth, and he had a big success in his work this past week. I was the first person he called with the news. I was so very happy for him. Additionally, we stayed together as a family this weekend at an out of town tourney for my oldest son. Seemed like old times.
I continue to feel like I'm emotionally detaching more and more each day, even though I see and communicate with him several times daily. I have no desire to do any R talk (a big change from the past) and am truly content with just taking things day by day, at least for now. Time, better than anything, tells if a person is willing and able to make changes. I think he's still deciding if he wants to make those changes or to check out for good. Whatever happens, I'm at peace.
Your update sounds very positive, lc. I was wondering how you were doing the other day. I sure miss you around the board (because your sitch comes the closet to mine) but am glad you're doing well, and that things in your sitch are not as dramatic or emotionally charged right now. Stepping off that crazy train is good for the soul.
Thanks, E. I had a long entry typed up on your sitch earlier and then lost it when H came over (I had to shut my computer down!). I'll be back to give you my thoughts in the morning; I'm currently logged in through my phone as my computer has been hijacked by a kiddo! I had some thoughts to share with you regarding detachment. It's made all the difference for me. I caught up on your sitch over the weekend and have been thinkIng about my crazy train friend!
Tonight was positive! We had dinner together as a family and then watched a movie together. We were busy but did have some time to visit (about nothing, really!) on the front porch. Baby steps..... And I was fine when he left! He's already sent a thank you text for me having him over.
Oh no worries, lc. Get to it when you have time. I'd love to hear your thoughts on detaching because I admit, I'm in the anger stage right now, and that's not a good thing. (For instance, I've had thoughts of throwing his sorry a$$ out rolling around in my head all day. ) A girl's gotta fantasize sometimes.
Anyway, not completely detached but this time around, I'm not jumping to R talk whenever he asks. Been there, done that and it was pointless because this is still all about him and his agenda SO I have learned something at least. I took the kids and got out of the house and it helped my anxiety. I actually felt better.
Anyway, I'm glad your dinner went well. It sounds like he's noticing your detachment and it must be confusing the heck out of him! Stay strong. You're doing so well!
lc4, I'm so glad you've strung together some good days. At the core of DB'ing is to "do what works, don't do what doesn't work" So - keep doing what works. I am also so glad you're off the roller coaster now. That may be the best thing of all at this point. I hope the counseling leads y'all in the right direction.
We had another great day yesterday as a family spending time outdoors together biking and swimming. The weather has cooled off a bit here in Texas, such a nice change (we've gone from baking at 105+ to a breezy high of 82 today)!
I think I've come to a point in this journey where I'm done with the finger-pointing of H's flaws and am ready to embrace acknowledging & changing MY flaws. I realize that I've brought my equal share of problems to the marriage table. Even if we do go through with the divorce (I can honestly say I have no idea if that will happen or not), I want to come out of this being a better person. Spending time alone during our separation has allowed me to look within myself, and I see some things I don't like so much. I feel like I'm transitioning from a mindset of changing my marriage for the better to changing MYSELF for the better. Does any of this make sense to anyone out there?
