When we are at this stage in our lives (which can happen as many times as we want), the remaking of ourselves has no real limits...
Understand that it is a great thing you want to investigate and change the negatives you found in yourself, while your M was faltering... also take a look at yourself and see what else you might want to upgrade... might be your health, your spirituality, your looks, your work, your hobbies...
You might want to try a bucket list... there's a online, free bucket list that you can find which allows you to look at what others have on their bucket lists and also create your own (of course)... it might give you an opportunity to look at and try some things you never even thought of...
In re-inventing yourself, you get so many benefits... again with all things, just be sure that whatever you might do, make sure it feels right for you if you decide to keep it...
oh, I also just checked out the "living social" web site... there's a lot of opportunity there to do things quite inexpensively, whether coupons or deep discounts on trips or tickets...
I saw a cancun trip for 30% of the regular stay price for 7 days and an all inclusive... all a person has to do is get themselves there...
Anyhow, just something else to look at... the more we GAL, the more we learn who we are and we grow inside, even if that wasn't our conscious intention...
Thanks, KD, for your suggestions and support. I love the idea of a bucket list and started on mine after you made the suggestion.
Much of what I need to work on is inward...it's sad how we can let our insides "go" while trying so hard to appear happy and healthy and attractive on the outside. I feel like my soul is an overgrown, unkept garden right now, and it needs some pruning, refreshing and new planting...some real TLC.
lc4, if this was on FB, it would say jbnati likes this under it.
I think KD had some excellent suggstions. For me, some of the changes that appear on the outside had to take place inside first. There were other changes that took place on the outside that permeated the inside. Does that make any sense?
I know you are helping out with your church, but are there some other groups you may be able to join that could help you grow spiritually? Any conferences you could attend? BTW - we gave a book to the kids at the detention center - "The Rhythm of Life". Someone gave me a copy to read. It's about becoming the best possible you. There may be some other books you could check out, too. Heck, even the Bible has some good stuff in it. IMO, to grow spiritually, you have to turn to God, and let him re-make you.
lc4, if this was on FB, it would say jbnati likes this under it.
E likes this too.
lc, when I was growing through a period of personal growth a few years ago (too bad I didn't apply it to my M though!), I started to think about what my dreams were. What I truly wanted, not what I thought was practical or logical, but what I truly wanted? And it led me to doing something I always wanted to do but was too afraid to pursue. It was a childhood dream come true and it has given me so much more confidence as a person. (Not enough but it's a start).
So sometimes I think looking back, or looking deep within yourself and asking yourself who and what you truly want to be will provide you with some answers on what a new lc looks and feels like. Hope that makes sense.
Wow...thanks so much, y'all, for your input and support. In my situation, I have always spread myself so thin...I am very social, have been involved in every organization under the sun, and, before D bomb #1, I never felt comfortable saying "no" or quitting something even when I wasn't enjoying it. I'm also very physically active, so it's always been go, go, go with me...this on top of mothering 4 young children. I'm the Energizer Bunny!
When our marital problems became public with D bomb #1 (remember, we live in a smallish city, so it was the talk of the town), I decided to start weeding out the things (and some people!) I wasn't enjoying, and I am now involved in what I like most. It's a much better lifestyle for my family and for me. So, like you, E., I think now is the time for me to focus on following my true passion and working toward some personal goals I have. Thanks for sharing your experience with me. It really helped me wrap my brain around what I'm wanting to do to bring on some changes in my life. I know that is all about as clear as mud...but really, your words helped me.
On a different note, and I need advice here, H has been coming around everyday and night. On my nights with the kids, he wants to come over and help with homework, hang out with the kids, etc, so I've been letting him. The texting between us is pretty frequent as well. I'm not pursuing in anyway, but I'm certainly not "dark" with him. I'm just comfortable and kind, not overly eager. I'm still feeling pretty detached, at peace with things if they go either way. However, I'm wondering if I'm giving him too much freedom to come and go as he wishes? He stays at his house overnight, but we are occasionally affectionate toward each other (never in front of the kids). If I keep letting him come and go as he wishes, am I setting a standard that this is okay? For now it is okay, but at some point, we need to decide to divorce or move back in together. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself or feeling pressure for one thing or another right now, but I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing.
Again, any advice is appreciated. I feel like I should be paying y'all for the wonderful advice you give!
lc4, I consider my advice crack advice, so I guess you get what you pay for.
I think it's good to say no to those things you don't enjoy and kind of weed those things out, so to speak. That allows you to focus on what's really important.
I was just thinking about this earlier tonight. Do you have ability to just go away by yourself for a weekend or week? Maybe to decompress and really get in touch with what some of those personal goals may be?
Perhaps for some of the evenings you could use those as an opportunity, too, to just get out of the house. Your situation is a little atypical in terms of a WAS as you would not usually have to be concerned too much about them contact you too frequently or being around too much. I suggest that you just play it by ear for now, make adjustments in the form of baby steps, just depending on what direction you see fit. It sounds like you're doing a pretty good job of not being overly eager or anything. Maybe over time you can ease into some more boundaries, like having him plan to come over, for example i.e. must making a little less easy for him to come and go as he pleases.
Going on two weeks of really pleasant interaction with my H. He wants to be at the house more often, is becoming more and more affectionate, is texting just to chat or tell me about his work, something funny the kids have done, etc., and we are getting along very well. I'm still holding him at an arm's length emotionally...really tired of getting my heart broken over and over. I now realize that I continued to set myself up for that, and I refuse to do that anymore. Taking things one day at a time is working well for me right now.
I feel like I've come further in the time we have been separated (2 months) than I have in the 3 years since we starting having problems.
Also, he is taking a fly fishing trip with a friend of his next month. This friend is a very positive role model for my H, both professionally as well as personally. He is a great family Christian man. I am praying that this will be a good time for my H in many ways.
The best feeling for me right now is KNOWING that I will not only be "okay" but that I will be fantastic no matter what happens to our M. My kids, H, family and friends all see that in my right now, too. That is a very good thing!
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
lc4, it sounds like you are getting on the right road and a lot of positive changes are occurring.
Originally Posted By: lc4
Also, he is taking a fly fishing trip with a friend of his next month. This friend is a very positive role model for my H, both professionally as well as personally. He is a great family Christian man. I am praying that this will be a good time for my H in many ways.
Wow, this could be HUGE! I'm not wanting to get your hopes and expectations out of whack, but I see potential in this. I will be praying for this as well.
I think you have a really good outlook right now. Keep it up!
Heck, even the Bible has some good stuff in it. 
IMO, to grow spiritually, you have to turn to God, and let him re-make you.