The regular season is underway...

[MadeToSucceed]

Man in the past hour she has called me 4 times, had her friend/personal assistant who is now living in the house call, text message me 4 times and sent me 3 emails...

All of this nature:

"Can we please set up a time to talk? I have a couple of questions. It will not take long, I promise. I just tried to call you.

Please get back to me ASAP! IT IS IMPORTANT!"

"Urgent! I need to talk to you!

"H! Contact me ASAP! it's important!"

IMO, if it was so important why not just state what "it" is or leave a voicemail? I'm about to read my Bible, pray and go to sleep. I can't do this tonight. I know somehow I'll get sucked in and I'll wake up regretting something I said. What is the point of all this?

[Valeska19]

Just playing devils advocate.

What if it is TRULY important and you wake up regretting something you didn't say??

You could always call, listen, validate, and leave the conversation if it get's uncomfortable.

[a girl]

Sorry, I disagree - given the emotional nature of most conversations with the WAS right now, I would highly recommend not engaging unless you have the emotional strength to deal with *anything* she might throw at you. If you are tired, worn out - you're not in a place to listen and validate.

But only you know you - just try to react with your head, not your emotions. They will misguide you, often, in these times.

[MadeToSucceed]

Valeska - again...if it TRULY was important, wouldn't a person SAY exactly what is so urgent and/or leave a voicemail? Her "assistant" (that's almost laughable to me...it's literally a girl she grew up with...they WERE best friends at one point until they had a falling out and the best friend chose a boyfriend over my W...to which point my W was crushed and I had to help her get over it) called me one more time this morning and left no voicemail. It couldn't be life threatening because she was able to continue to send the messages and if it was, she would've gotten in touch with a family member of mine or a close friend that she knows would reach out to me. It's probably nothing more than a bill or something SHE deems important on HER schedule. Well she lost the right to me respecting HER schedule when she decided she didn't want me as her H anymore. I can't just keep saying how high when she says jump.

She has a personal assistant now that lives in the home WE were trying to make together. I'm sure between the two of them, they can figure it out right? If it's something going on with the house that they need assistance with...last I checked I was given the boot from the house...my W made it so.

I know I sound angry in my post...well I am. I understand the listen and validate stuff but the things she's trying to get in contact with me for are things that she wants me to do to make things "easier" for her to get stuff done. Well she gave up all of that. Figure it out on your own with your new assistant.

Yes that was a bit of a rant...I still love my W. I still want her back. But this isn't getting me closer to my goal by talking to her about something trivial. She still sees me as the soft landing spot that can take care of us. She needs to know what it's like without me because that's the path she's chosen.

[♪CS♪]

I get it man... I think you're doing really well.

Yes... You are angry. Natural. Just try not to act out of anger. That is your test.

So you've waited a day. That is good.

Now?

Maybe a quick text. "what's up?"

Your call.

[jbnati]

MTS -
I wouldn't respond to your W's "assistant", either. That's just tacky with her having her "assistant" call you. I would think if it's REALLY important, she would reach out to you herself.

You're coming to the right place to vent your anger. Come here instead of letting your W have it.

I would agree, you probably aren't going to get any closer to your goal by talking about something trivial, unless you are using it to show her collaboration.

I am sure you want your W to want to come back.

Keep it up, I'm pulling for you.

[westcoastfella]

I'm kind of with Country on this. You could maybe send her a bare text or e-mail that says something like "What's the issue?" Then, if it really is trivial crap and it's stuff that she could figure out on her own, let her know. Be polite, but strong. "This is something that you can work out on your own," etc. Don't get sucked into an argument if she tries. Because I'm betting she will try.

I'm betting that what she has to talk about is trivial, as she hasn't bothered to do any of the things that she would have in an emergency like you mentioned. Still, it's worth checking out just to make sure.

[MadeToSucceed]

I'm 100% certain it's nothing. There's no doubt in my mind. She never contacted me again. That's why I don't really feel like it's worth it for me because I KNOW the outcome. I would contact her and she would respond "nevermind now" or not respond at all. Which does what for me?

So now what?

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since we've last had a conversation. I haven't responded to her few "I need something" attempts for 18 days. But what does that mean? Now what? I think she comes back home on Monday. The only things she would want to talk to me about at this point are things that are D related...essentially stuff to further separate us from one another. The last two things to handle is our car insurance and cell phone.

She has no desire to talk to me...about ANYTHING but those types of things..."business" related stuff. I feel as if there's no true opportunity to show her anything...I do recognize she's getting a different side of me right now but beyond that, I don't really feel like I'm going anywhere. I don't know what I'm trying to say really. Guess I'm just wishing "something" would happen. Searching for those rays of light but they seem to still be tucked in the clouds. I feel like I'm getting better but I'm not any closer to getting my W back. I fully expect when she returns her trips to see OM begin again and with us not living in the same house or anything....I don't know. I know I'm rambling but I just...I don't know. It's a rough Friday night for me.

[♪CS♪]

Time is a crazy thing man.

You ever have a weekend that went by fast? One that seemed long?

What was the difference? It wasn't the hours on the clock.

IF things change... It will take time. Your sitch is still in the beginning.

If you decide to continue to stand for your M. Just be prepared....is all I'm saying. Your timetable may not jive with reality right now. But that's normal. For all of us...

I will say...

There is a line between going dark and hiding. There are going to be times you need to interact. Obviously during a D. You made your call on this one. Fair enough. It's your call. None of us know your sitch better than you.

You hide out of fear. You don't react to them out of strength. Think about the difference as you navigate these rough waters.

[MadeToSucceed]

You're right CS. It's wild because my weekdays FLY by and then the weekends are a bit slower for me.

I know it seems like my sitch is still in the beginning stages but it almost feel like dog years because of the way she's made everything go from 0 to 100000 so fast. I was telling myself all summer I still have 3 months until mediation...I still have 2 months until mediation...now it's a month and some change a way and the train keeps speeding that direction.

I think you're right though...and that's where I'm struggling...finding the balance between dark and hiding. It felt empowering initially but now I kind of wonder what is it really doing for me...I like the fear vs. strength reference. That is definitely where I am now but I feel like I swap between the two throughout the day. Initially not responding to something is from strength but as it wears on I sometimes feel like I am doing nothing but hiding and maybe that's why I feel the way I do.

Part of me is now starting to see what you and west were suggesting by saying "what's up" to her...even though I'm pretty sure of the response. That being said...I just struggle with not feeling like it is going to get me closer to my goal. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Lenni told me on our 2nd or 3rd call that I should think if something will get me closer to or further from my goal and if I couldn't figure out which way it was leading, maybe I should do nothing.

I find myself doing a lot of nothing lately.