Somewhere between filing and D

[ncl]

Good way to set some boundaries and protect your feelings. Make her miss you.

Thanks lc4. I'm feeling it today, but had a good meeting with my C. He had never told me this in 3 years of meeting, but he was divorced while in seminary, and at my school nonetheless. His W left him for another woman. He told me more of his story today than I've ever heard. It did give me some hope, that I'll be OK regardless. My C gave me a couple good Lawyer phone numbers, so I'll get on that tomorrow.

I responded to a Craigslist Harley ad, going to look at it tomorrow. It's just about perfect for what I want, and only $3500.

Got a last minute gig leading worship at a camp with some friends tonight. So much fun. I really feel numb and depressed, having to force myself to do these GAL things. I'm frustrated to go through this again, just like 4 years ago, 2 years ago. My C helped me see that I wasn't crazy to keep trying all this time, that I wanted to be faithful as long as there was any hope. He said God will honor that. It's so hard to let go now.

This is all great stuff, Jon! I'm glad you got out there tonight and had some fun. It sounds like you have an awesome counselor. The book I recommended, "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" is written by a therapist who was also abandoned in her marriage. The book offers some exercises to help you process your pain and start healing. I think it would be a good read for you. And I think that is great your therapist shared some references with you for attorneys. Your counselor knows better than anyone the type of person who will be a good match for you!

Dang....a Harley??? Now that's some super GAL'ing going on there! The mom in me says please, BE CAREFUL and WEAR YOUR HELMENT!, but the DB'er in me says, HAVE FUN!!!!

And I agree with your counselor 100%. Of course you weren't crazy to stick with working on the relationship. You are committed to your wife and your marriage and have done/are doing everything you can to save it. That makes you a good guy. And you aren't just going to be OK, you are going to be better because of the things you are doing to make yourself better...for YOU!

Remember too...it ain't over 'til it's over.

Hang in there...lc4

[jon2911]

Dang....a Harley??? Now that's some super GAL'ing going on there! The mom in me says please, BE CAREFUL and WEAR YOUR HELMENT!, but the DB'er in me says, HAVE FUN!!!!

Definitely. I bought the bike on the spot and took it home in my truck. So excited! I could flip it right now and make money if I wanted to. Buying and selling vehicles has always really scared me, so this is a great step.

Nothing from W since Monday, no business stuff or anything. Which is a really nice break. Planning to make those lawyer calls today.

[MichelleLT]

Good job on setting some boundaries.

I am sure you are struggling a bit, but that's just normal. D is a whole other rollercoaster. Keep up the GAL

[jon2911]

Yeah, struggling. Read through some of my threads here today, it's been a ride. Still nothing from W. Trying to be excited about the long weekend with family, but that has issues as well. Making the best of it!

[ncl]

Just checking in...how's your weekend been?

[jon2911]

Weekend was good. Ran 10 miles on Saturday, still on track with marathon training. It's going to be hard from here on out, but feeling like I can do it.

Good talk with a L today, meeting with him tomorrow. One day at a time.

[MichelleLT]

Hope you had a good weekend. Sounds like you had a good run at least.

One day at a time is good.

Stay dark. Stay focused.

[jon2911]

Thanks Michelle. Still dark. Almost 2 weeks now.

I had a great L meeting Wednesday, he gave me a great deal on writing a response to W, and doesn't think I'll need to pay anything more. Just have her lawyer draw it up and I'll sign. He says her L would be foolish to fight this because W has money now.

Big relief there. Nothing from W, not even business stuff. I must admit, this is very hard. I'm having a hard time detaching, and wondering if NC is the right choice, or how long to continue it. Any advice is appreciated.

I read 25 MLC on another thread, saying to envision my life 3 years from now, without W. Envision myself happy, and what would that look like, and make it happen. Good stuff. Going to do that and write about it here.

[MichelleLT]

NC is the only choice you have at the moment. Because the way I see it, it's the only chance you have.

She calls you when she's hurting, when she's down. You still have a lot of emotional connection. She's having just as much trouble detaching, and I'm sure is missing the texts and talks. You were always the one who understood how debilitating her migraines were, who was sympathetic and helpful. How many times did she say that no one else really understood?

But she filed for D. You can't pursue her right now, that'll just push her away, make the D more certain.

Her own mind will create the doubts for you.

[jon2911]

Michelle,
Thanks for that, needed the reminder. Hopefully that means something now, but even if not I know I'm a better person for taking care of her like that.


Jon