Well spoke to H this morn about financial stuff again. It is getting really old. I must confess. I didn't DB. I just let it out. Very little but I didn't mince any words. This M is over anyway and he is a jerk. I asked again when he planned to see his kids and he asked what we were doing this weekend. I said thats what you said last weekend and you never showed. He said"you could have called or texted" Whatever! He never answers when its me. I am counting the days. So sad. Thought this might wake him up some. NOthing seems to phase him.
Man, he sure is a real jerk when it comes to showing up!
Geez, IDK what to tell you. I wish I knew the "secret" code/words to wake them up with.
Maybe, just tell the kids nothing and be "internally flexible" with your time on the weekend. So if he shows up, great, if not, no one gets their hopes dashed. Of course, I'm only talking short run here. In the long run the court will make a schedule and the less he shows up, the more he pays (as you will document the no shows) and you'll have a record of it he cannot refute.)
This might just be the hardest part of all this, Life...and it will pass.
For you, the clarity is growing. Things will get better for you.
Hang in there, and protect those children.
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
As for your kids, look for opportunities to help the kids reconnect. Seriously. It'll suck for you, but don't let that get in the way. Compartmentalize it as much as you can and realize that kids need their father. Look for those opportunities and encourage without interferring. If you don't, only your kids lose. If you do and it still doesn't work out, then you have taken a positive action and can be content knowing that. Later. For now, segment the parts and do the best you can to deal with the situation as it is.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM- I have looked for ways for them to connect with their father. He cancels everytime. I have not let the kids know when he says he will visit so they don't get disappointed. But, there were two times they knew he said he was coming when they asked and he never showed. No call or text. They are hurt and frankly don't want to see him right now. So, I guess its okay he doesn't come around. I just think the longer it goes on the harder it will get. Can't he understand that.?!? Frankly, I am NOT going to nag or beg him to see his kids. His actions speak volumes.. WHile I ache for my kids maybe it is better he 's not around them if he truly doesn't want to be.
I totally understand. I was lucky in that I was able to encourage mine and she responded fairly quickly (12 months or so). She doesn't even recall that I did that, btw.
Just the same, you may have tried now, but don't stop trying. Or believing he will come around to them.
That doesn't mean begging or nagging by the way. It means encouraging the kids when he does. It means not saying anything even remotely negative about him where the kids can hear. Period. It means having no expectations of him around the kids.
In the end... his loss really. While it hurts the kids, and they won't like it, they will come through it with your help. And you may consider therapy for them. I highly suggest it for them right now while he is acting like this, actually. But meanwhile, no disparraging remarks about him around the kids. Help them through it...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Keep them out of it. Tell the family and friends to also refrain from any comments around the kids.
In time the kids will form their own opinion. When they do, they will look at you and God willing, will thank you for never bashing dad.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I agree Eric. 25yearsmlc- I think I am ready to address your comment to me that "I don't believe I am sufficiently deserving" from Aug 28th. Just been thinking about that more and with trying to detach from him I wanted to spend some time on myself. I would like your input on this comment you made. Thanks.
