Well SFO, MM blew me off again this weekend. I gave her a couple of options that we could do and she couldn't make it for any of them and had no alternative suggestions for maybe the next weekend. It did not feel good. Last week she passed too, which I understood. So, I've been backing off this week at the advice of friends. No FB, no texting, no phone calls...I just don't see the point in continuing to get more attached to someone who doesn't have the time or whatever. Her work schedule makes it so difficult as is but if other things are also more important than even a quick lunch with me on a Saturday,well, what's the point. I just sent her a message tonight which I feel better about doing because it's honest. |it's not game playing, waiting for this or that response...and I sure don't want to hang around being avoided and having date requests batted away. That ain't fun! So, this is what wrote: MM, it seems you are very busy these days and don't have time to hang out with me. So, I'm just going to leave this in your hands. If you find your schedule allows for time together then let me know. I don't want to frustrate either of us by continually asking for time you don't have. So, I hope I hear from you soon...I really do!!! I've enjoyed your company, your humour and your friendship. I hope we can continue it, if not then Ignat Ka! Good or bad, it's been done. What will be will be.
Your RL friends and your DB friends have all given the same advice. It's hard to know how hard to try. If she wants to continue - she'll reply positively and try to make time. But my guess is that she enjoyed the time with you but got cold feet when she realized you wanted more.
We learn something from everyone we encounter - some of it good, some of it not so good. Remember - the first person we want to be with after the divorce is usually not the lasting one. But it all happened for a reason. It pushed you out of your comfort zone and helped you remember how nice it is to have someone else in your life.
I'm not sure I would have sent the note but then - I'm not you. I really think subtlety is a better way to go in the dating world.
Hope things continue to move fwd for you with or without MM.
Barb, MM got back to me...she needs serious psychological help! We're done. I won't even relate the FB conversation I had with her, it's too nuts. I am totally stunned. I'm gonna start dating men.
It's 2:00 am and I can't sleep. I'm just so sad right now. She was my friend, someone I talked to almost daily. Someone who would phone to see how my day was. Someone who would text me things in Tagalog like "I love to make you laugh", someone I cared for. She says she wants to be my friend and, sadly, she means it. I told her I don't think I can do that. I'm hating every minute of this...but at least I'm having tears now, letting out more than just anger. I'm so sad.
Wii: I am so sorry to hear this. I think this is what the rest of us suspected and tried to warn you of. The problem is that you fell for her head over heels despite all the little warning signs that things were not what you wanted.
She was just not that into you but all the little things she did (like texting and going out) led you to believe it was something much more than it really was. And outsiders could see it but you could not because infatuation is like that and it was what you SO needed.
Remember what I told you about my first Post D R??? I was head over heels nuts for him and read so much into every little thing he did. I was sure that the stars had aligned and that we were surely to be together. I took his lack of physical contact (no kissing - just hugging) as his wanting to go slow as he was still not completely over his wife. What I didn't acknowledge was that he was dating other women and apparently - didn't have any trouble kissing them. He LIKED me and liked spending time with me but never saw us together as I did. And when he realized I wanted more - he dropped me like a hot potato. And I cried so much I couldn't get out of bed. More than I had when my husband left because I "needed" him so much. But I also bounced back fast. And I learned a lot. And it opened me up to more and better possibilities. I went on to a real dating R. One that involved a bit more but the guy was not as much my type and I ended it. Then one more. Then I met Josh and when I met him - I was ready. My first Post D (and subsequent) had made me ready for the Right One. And maybe if I had met Josh first - it would never have gone this way.
Again - I am sorry to see you hurting. But don't write off all women. The right woman will love you for who you are and she will be an equal partner in dating. Don't give up. But don't try dating again until you have had some time to process clearly what you have learned.
Sorry things did not work out for you and MM. However a good friend once told me about these things that don't necessarily work out: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Easy to say and hard to do I know but I do think it is a good philosophy.
The positive is that I know where I stand now whereas before it was like trying to hold goop in your hands. I can move on and heal from this...and never date another Asian as long as I live lol!
