Without looking back yet, what I would change would be to be more detached, if that's possible. Not to let myself get sucked into too much contact too soon. MM and I were texting, talking, phoning almost every day...way too much! Especially at the beginning of a R when you don't know what kind of fruit loop you're dealing with yet. Mega dating for a short period is also not a great idea. It gets you too hyped up too soon. I would also follow MM's advice "my dear, go slow, relax and don't think so much" She has issues but is pretty smart too! And I'd also do whatever OT tells me to do no matter what...nah, I can't go that far lol!
Another lesson occured to me this morning. I FB'd MM the other day saying that I was leaving our time together in her hands due to her extremely busy schedule, let me know if.... Now, when she replied,which I did not expect" she basically said "Im so so sorry. I kind of a workaholic and when a new project comes up I throw myself right into it and it gets all my attention. I want to be the best when I start something. One of our P/T ers has now quit and I will probably cover for her until we find someone else." So, why would I not just say "thanks for letting me know, have a good day" What possessed me to open up a conversation she was in no way ready to have? All it did was get me layed out on the floor by a lady who felt trapped and was scratching at the door to get out unscathed (sorry she had to absorb a few blows before it was over but...). Bad move! I guess I thought her response was a signal that she wanted to maintain our connection. In hindsight there was nothing there that said "I want this connection" It was a notice stating why everything was going to continue as is, that's it. Live and learn. Hindsight is always so wonderful lol. Should have passed! Remember for next time...ugh.
Last night D14 asked me to sign some forms so she can try out for the school golf team...she's never golfed in her life. OK, I did not have her health card number so I asked her to call her mom. So when Voldemort calls, D14 is having a shower so I take the call...another lesson learned in a lesson filled week. "Oh, so when she needs something she calls me 10 times,it has to be right now but when I want the dishes done I have to wait and ...." Always a blessing to have Voldemort call cuz you realize there really is someone out there more unhappy than yourself. Thanks V, you're always that one bright shining light that helps carry me through!
I swear my hold world is going nuts! Voldemort just called and she passed on a couple of family items we need to take care of. As we finished she said "are you OK? You don't sound alright? Is anything wrong?" OMG, it's come to this, Voldemort showing caring. Is there nothing left for me to believe in lol! I'm going to bed.
Wow! I go away for a few weeks, and everything has turned upside down. Sorry about your MM experience, and I'm sure you'll get over it quickly.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks BM, I will survive. I'm tired though physically and mentally right now. I just have to allow the process to take place and I will rise again. I talked to the shrink yesterday and she was extremely pleased with I how handled everything. She said that when I began to pick up on things that didn't feel right (regardless of whether others were ahead of me on that) I took action and told her what would work for me and what would not. I didn't sit around waiting for it to turn out, or excuse explain away her actions. I acted. She felt that in the exchange I had with MM I was straight forward, honest but also respectful towards her. She also said that MM deserved some credit too. She listened to what I said, she didn't lash out, she didn't say 'I'm not listening to this" and leave. She took it and tried to maintain a friendly rapport. Shrink said there was no way she was going to interact on an emotional level with me but she stayed and went through the process. She also said it was, of course, ridiculous to claim we never dated. She said that many of our conversations were around setting up a R together. She felt MM was operating in a fog and just doing rather than thinking through her actions and it probably just overwhelmed her so she hit the denial button. May be, many not be. Anyway, she even said she felt MM might come back (don't know about that or even want that right now!) but if she does I need to slap on limits right away. She said MM is not a bad person (I never said she was) just very confused right now and made some bad choices. So, anyway. All is well...I guess! lol
"There is truly only one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our hearts to the possibility that love exists"~ Heidi Banks
