Well I blew it a couple days ago. I tlked too much and gave my husband too much "advice". It set us on a couple awful days which then lead into the weekend when he is miserable at work anyway. Ooops.
Hi JAS, I am new to this forum and the ideas of DB. Have ordered the books but I am in australia so gonna take a while toget here. I am just starting to implement the 180s and pull back but as you say it is hard because it goes against everything you think shoudlwork to save your marriage. My wife has no interest in working things out and is currently out looking for a place to move out to. I am gutted as I did not really see this coming and she refuses to work at it. I am watching your post as I am keen if these techniques work. all the best for your R
I am new too and sounds like in a similar situation with my husband! He says he doesn't want to work on it and is planning to move out also. I read DB and now I'm waiting for DV to come. I just had a baby and didn't see this coming either. I posted the whole store in another thread I started. I have been trying 180's but I think I need more help with them. This whole time is so confusing. My husband has completely shut down.
Wow, I'm living nearly the same thing. We are both still in the same house, same bed, no sex, no ILY, no kisses hello or goodbye since 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary and date of our last argument. He has emotionally detached from me and says he doesn't think he can "come back". I discovered DB on 5/5/12 and have just finished reading DR today. Been trying to implement the techniques...thought we had a little breakthrough about 10 days ago, but it was short lived. I know I need to be A LOT more patient. I finally decided to try some telephone coaching (we have each done some MC and IC). The kicker of still living in the same house is that my husband's job provided housing, so if anyone is going to move out it needs to be me. And I have no intention of doing that right now, so it kind of works to my advantage.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
I am in a similar situation as many of you. This site has really helped me not feel so desperate and alone. My husband told me on 6/1/12 that he feels trapped and doesnt want to be married.he said "i love you but i'm not IN love with you." he says he doesnt want to work on our marriage. he is still at home, we still sleep in the same bed. he still kisses me goodbye and says i love you. i thought things were getting better and that he was coming around but he said last night he is still planning to leave and he is just trying to act normal for our 3 sons. he says he is not conflicted, and this is what he wants. i feel like if i act okay with all of this, he will be put at ease and it will make it easier for him to leave. i have to fight myself all day long not to call him or text or IM him and beg him to stay with us. i feel so powerless. and so hurt and devastated as i am the one who has always given so much to our marriage and family.
Hi JAS2000, I am also in the same boat as you, living with my H who does not seem to want to try and is also seeing someone else (not sure to what extent). My therapist recommended writing him a letter to tell him how much I value him and our relationship which I gave to him this morning. Have you thought about that? I am also not questioning or bringing up anything about the OW but he is very distant when he is home and the silence is uncomfortable. I am trying to keep the conversations going about things that interest him, our daughter, our home life, but nothing about "us" right now as he is not ready and right now I do not know if he ever will be. Time and patience is key and hopefully it will be the key to put my family back together.
i think this is a great post and a "category" of people on this forum. it seems like there is a bit of specific advise to give ones that are still living in the same house together. much of the advice applies, but this unique situation obviously is a common one.
i started LRT this week. I am living w my spouse but in my opinion he actually home less n more distant from me. Although it seems to be counterintuitive..I must say I personally feel better from the decreased contact. I stopped crying as much. It wasnt working anyway before so I have nothing to lose by detaching n trying to GAL.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
