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Joined: Feb 2006
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Here are some examples:

She told me this evening that it is very hard for her to be in the same house with me.

"Me too. I don't think it is good for either of us. I feel bad for us both."

She told me this evening that her animosity grows toward me when she feels that I am lengthening the divorce process.

"I understand -- it is hard to feel loving toward someone if you feel they are getting in the way of very important things in your life."

She has told me that she is not interested in spending time with me.

"Yeah, it is hard on me too. Less stress is good. Let's figure out how to minimize the time while keeping things as easy for the kids as possible."


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Oh, and avoid, "I'm sorry IF I hurt your feelings." If you are saying that, you hurt someone's feelings. "I'm sorry I hurt you."


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IMO wordsmithing is pointless.

The old "I am sorry you feel that way."

Is meant to validate but probably doesn't if you repeat it often.

But

It is also meant to avoid talking about R issues when it is not time to do so.

That time being when your spouse is raw and hurting. (unless you want non productive communication)

So say something that is non confrontational and non passive aggressive.

Passive aggressive?

Statements that are intentionally sharp while not seeming so.

There is a neutral response IMO in every situation and if you can't think of how best to do it then just STFU.

Unless your goal is to actually make your Spouse react to you or force a decision.

That should not be done in the heat of the moment or with hidden agendas.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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Thanks to all of you for chipping in.

These responses give me some things to work with.

She has been especially pissed these past two days.

I'm beginning to doubt that I can rescue our M.

When will this roller coaster smooth out?


Me: 45 W: 45
S: 12 D: 9
M: 16 T:22

Bomb: 4/20/2011
Says she moves out in July with Kids
Discovered Affair: 6/10/2011
She files for divorce: 8/18/2011
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