Yes, maybe we are both crazy!?! I agree it is a pathetic way to interact and I am done doing it. No more tears for me. My life is full. And, good. Thankful I am able to enjoy all of these milestones with my kids. Wouldn't miss them for the world. So...here is my plan that is in line with the email I sent him.
I will only contact him by email if it concerns finances. Then I will add in something about the kids. Milestones, activities, etc. That is the only time I will contact or dicuss our family unless he contacts us and brings it up.
HOw does that sound?
I still hold on to hope. I really believe he isn't done. He just doesn't know what he is.
I am still working on forgiveness. Hoping that will help with the tears. It is just when we talk about the kids it hits such a place in my heart I can't help it. But, I do need to control that.
No more reaching out to him. He truly is the loser in all of this.
We will be okay.
I will not go back to living the way we were before. That I know. He needs to want to get the help- not me not his kids.
You plan sounds good to me. Having a positive attitude and doing things different always helps!
I am not sure kids are necessarily the way back until they are good and ready to start work on themselves. Those who aren't too far gone can't bear the thought of losing their kids, but those who have already deeply alienated their children are often not willing to do the work at the time, to rebuild the r. They just want it to be better.
25yearsmloc and others: spoke with H a few days ago. He came to the house. He is talking about R. No action but words again. Difft words this time. So, this time I said I know where I went wrong and am working on those things BUT, I cannot go back to living the way we were before. Things would have to be different. NEw and improved.
He didn't like this too much. I told him -I can't live with the drinking and the lies. We need to communicate. I said things couldn't be like the used to be but better. He claimed things were good when he was here for him. Just never realized it!! Well, I can't say the same. So, can I have a little input on how I did with this response? Were those good boundaries? I did validate some in the conversation. But, I felt strong yesterday. My future looks good and I know what I want.
Anyone? 25, AJ, Beatrice?? I would like some input on my update, please. Or, maybe there isn't anything to say? Just wondering what anyone thought about my response to H. Thank you.
Sorry, I thought you just wanted input from 25 - just a thought but actions are more important than words and there is a book called Solo Partner.
I have learned that most men are not good at relationship talks, and if your h has any interest in repairing your marriage it probably won't be through talking. Have a look at reviews of this book and see if you think it might help you
Thanks Beatrice~ A major part of our R problems I think are because not much or very good communication. H is really bad. Even admits to it. I am wondering if it was okay though to say I had to continue with D unless he DOES something that could improve the sitch? rather than just talking about it and how miserable he is. I will look into that book.
Thanks Beatrice~ A major part of our R problems I think are because not much or very good communication. H is really bad. Even admits to it. I am wondering if it was okay though to say I had to continue with D unless he DOES something that could improve the sitch? rather than just talking about it and how miserable he is. I will look into that book.
If you were to take him back without SOME ACTION on his end to show that things will be better AND DIFFERENT
you will be back here within a year...
he just wants to come home and pretend it never happened AND go on like before? How does that really sound to YOU?
You know the answer. For once take the path of MORE resistance b/c in the long run, taking him back "AS IS"
is about the more certain path to more pain and loss for all. For all we know, he wants to save money and still see OW...
Hate to say that but what is different now? Oh, you filed to get money...and the only thing he says is things were fine before "he just didn't know it"???
SIGH
stay the course-it's working.
Doesn't mean you make him climb Mt Everest-be clear on that-but a modicum of ACTION ON HIS END is mandatory
or he's not serious.
Sorry, but that's my take on it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
