In ssmguy's shoes, believing I did everything I could have, and I was not going to have sex for the rest of my life with my wife...
One the table would be two sets of papers one divorce papers, the other that agreement oldtimer spoke of.
An ineffective stunt. She wouldn't sign anything. It would make her feel terrible and guilty and just raise the tension level all around. Not my style in the first place. Way too gloomy and negative as an approach.
As a result there is the resignation to two unpalatable alternatives...accept a sexless marriage or divorce. Those represent the polar bookends given the current experience. And in this website, there is advocacy for keeping a marriage intact (but also strengthening it so that it functions rather than just being a marriage in name only).
So, you won't see a lot of advocacy for divorce though there is the clear recognition that it happens.
Likewise, I wouldn't expect to see a lot of advocacy for open marriages on this website. But why imply that divorce is the only alternative? In fact, some people remain married merely for financial, etc. reasons. The discussion here seems to imply that love, sex, and marriage are all words for the same thing. Clearly they are not.
As a result there is the resignation to two unpalatable alternatives...accept a sexless marriage or divorce. Those represent the polar bookends given the current experience. And in this website, there is advocacy for keeping a marriage intact (but also strengthening it so that it functions rather than just being a marriage in name only).
So, you won't see a lot of advocacy for divorce though there is the clear recognition that it happens.
Likewise, I wouldn't expect to see a lot of advocacy for open marriages on this website. But why imply that divorce is the only alternative? In fact, some people remain married merely for financial, etc. reasons. The discussion here seems to imply that love, sex, and marriage are all words for the same thing. Clearly they are not.
I didn't reduce it to that.
I said,
assuming that you are accurate, and that nothing you do will get your w to agree to having sex, what then?
Let me add to that something you have said before, yet now seem to contradict...
you said you were NOT okay with a sexless marriage.
So, if "x" is a condition in the marriage that will not change and "X" is not acceptable-
what do YOU want US to do with that?
You seem to argue the opposite of every possibility tossed out.
what do you want?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
assuming that you are accurate, and that nothing you do will get your w to agree to having sex, what then?
Indeed, that is the question.
Quote:
Let me add to that something you have said before, yet now seem to contradict... you said you were NOT okay with a sexless marriage. So, if "x" is a condition in the marriage that will not change and "X" is not acceptable- what do YOU want US to do with that?
Do the impossible.
Quote:
You seem to argue the opposite of every possibility tossed out. what do you want?
Well, that is the difference between someone who is newly in a situation, and someone who has been in it for over a decade and tried lots of things, no? It's hard to find something new to do that hasn't been tried before and didn't work. Except, of course, for the advice to keep trying again and again.
And to posters generally here, stop assuming I'm generally unhappy just because I don't have a good sexual relationship. And stop assuming I don't want a good sexual relationship just because I'm not unhappy. I thought that should be obvious to anybody who realizes that there's more to life than just sex.
How about you write up a formal agreement with W about your FWB plan. You've said in the past she's OK with it. Get it in writing so that you are both very clear on the terms/boundaries/expectations. Heck, get it notarized so that she can't sue you for infidelity.
And I guess she could present me with a legal document wherein I promise not to sue her for loss of consortium.
The point is to make it crystal clear what you will be doing and to get crystal clear about W's agreement with the plan in a way that both of you will find binding, while ensuring there is no confusion about the plan in any way.
I'm not sure why that would be a problem given you've said that is what you are going to do and W is OK with it. Moreover, it might change W's mind, which would be a good thing, right?
