There you go again, wallowing in your past naivete and misconceptions.
What are you doing NOW to achieve your goal, to become the sort of man who would attract this kind of sexually confident woman? (I'm assuming you're not talking about your W, so I'm not quite sure why she would be looking for a long-time married man with limited sexual experience....) Nonetheless, how do you plan to break down your goal into manageable pieces, so you can begin to work toward it? What changes will you need to make?
But your "goal" is, per YOU, unattainable. So that's kind of a drag for a goal.
Don't be so pessimistic! I didn't say it would be easy. To paraphrase JFK's famous quote on a challenging goal, I want to do it not because it's easy, but because it's hard.
Well, hard is time, and effort without knowing there is going to be a payoff.
That is the hard.
There is no button you push where 20,000 volts shoot through your body, but the plus side is your wife goes down on you.
So...how are you starting the process of reaching this goal...and by woman...I am assuming you mean: Wife, right?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
There you go again, wallowing in your past naivete and misconceptions. What are you doing NOW to achieve your goal, to become the sort of man who would attract this kind of sexually confident woman?
The answer to that is in the first paragraph of my "wallowing" response above. I said, "quite the contrary". I don't appear to have a problem attracting these women. More recently it's just been a case of realizing some opportunities could end up being a lot of trouble.
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Nonetheless, how do you plan to break down your goal into manageable pieces, so you can begin to work toward it? What changes will you need to make?
So...how are you starting the process of reaching this goal...
Starting?! I've been in the process for 15 years. But I like your optimistic spin, like this time we're really, really, starting it for real and it's going to work. All those earlier attempts were just feeble, unrealistic, naive and doomed to failure.
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and by woman...I am assuming you mean: Wife, right?
Yes, wife is the priority of course. But I already know the chances of that. You know, it's sobering to realize that it would be far easier to have sex with other women instead of my wife.
Those other attempts are done. They provided nothing, and produced a zero sum. You had one exception, when you put your foot down and moved out, that should tell you something.
So yes, a new start. A fresh start, new attempts.
You brought up the insanity quote, well ssmguy; you have been living it. Doing the same thing over and over again but hoping for a different outcome.
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But I already know the chances of that
: )
You realize that your affecting the outcome you want with your own negative thoughts on it?
On one hand you're quoting JFK about determination, on the other hand you're saying it's pointless. You got a spine in there or a jellyfish?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You had one exception, when you put your foot down and moved out, that should tell you something.
In retrospect it wasn't worth the effort for the small amount and quality sex. But overall, of course, I learned something.
This also touches on another reason for my current lack of enthusiasm for a Herculean effort. Based on the backsliding which happened after our separation, it's my impression that even if a Hurculean effort works, I will have to continue making a Herculean effort all the time, in whatever form it takes, like threats, ultimatums, etc. I really don't want to have sex with someone who's doing it because they think I will leave otherwise. It sure would be nice to just have someone who wants sex as a part of a normal life, not with me struggling to maintain some kind of threat/reward structure to keep it going. I mean, if it comes down to that, I think it's just more honest, straightforward, and even cheaper in terms of time and effort to have a paid escort drop by every few days.
You had one exception, when you put your foot down and moved out, that should tell you something.
In retrospect it wasn't worth the effort for the small amount and quality sex. But overall, of course, I learned something.
This also touches on another reason for my current lack of enthusiasm for a Herculean effort. Based on the backsliding which happened after our separation, it's my impression that even if a Hurculean effort works, I will have to continue making a Herculean effort all the time, in whatever form it takes, like threats, ultimatums, etc. I really don't want to have sex with someone who's doing it because they think I will leave otherwise. I Understand this. I think we all do. But it does make me wonder about what you are doing here, in a pro-marriage support site.
It sure would be nice to just have someone who wants sex as a part of a normal life, not with me struggling to maintain some kind of threat/reward structure to keep it going. I mean, if it comes down to that, I think it's just more honest, straightforward, and even cheaper in terms of time and effort to have a paid escort drop by every few days.
b/c I figured this^^^ extra-marital area was where you were heading...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
If SSMguy is really ready for the paid escort extra-marital thing, then he should seriously think about divorcing his wife.
The reason I say that is that both he and his wife deserve to have someone who loves them and wants to fulfill their partners need for love.
After readying MWD, and a host of others, I strongly believe that rather than "cheating" on my wife, that both she and I would be better off separating and struggling to find someone else.
As the sex therapist said to my wife, your husband really is a good man and has been trying hard to make you happy. He really deserves to find someone who will love him in a way that makes him happy.
My wife later admitted that she felt I would have no problem finding someone who would love me in the physical way that I wanted, but that she felt that I would never find anyone who would love me as emotionally deeply as she loved me.
I think that there is a lot of damage that is done to one's spirit or essence when one tries to live a lie. If you are seriously thinking about brining in a prostitute every few days to get you off, then I don't think you will find long term happiness, while still married to your wife. You might, but I think it will be hard.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
No, not seriously thinking about it. For one thing, a paid escort would be too much like my wife. In each case, they'd be doing it for a reasons that had nothing to do with enjoying sex with me. In each case, they'd just go through the motions and not have an orgasm.
Actually, from what I've heard some paid sex workers sometimes do have orgasms. But my wife never would.
