I know you didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday--I'm just curious why you've made yourself so comfortable in that ditch!! You say you separated from your W for a time over the issue, and things improved for a while. My question is, what made you stop thinking "I will not be in an SSM" once the sex dried up again? As the months passed into years, what made you lose the resolve you'd once shown? (And don't say, "I thought she'd change"--that's just like the lies beaten wives tell themselves.)
Why did you keep showing your W that if she blocked any efforts you made a few times, you'd give up on that? You wouldn't do that if your children kept defying you on a particular issue, or your pet. What did YOU gain by presenting yourself as the guy who has always been "right" in each interaction with her?
didn't you say that things DID improve when you left? So Then I guess ONE approach did work before...or did you come back with no change? I thought you said she did make an effort back then.
So why'd you stop it?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm still hearing "I tried that fad diet and didn't lose a pound." Lifestyle changes are permanent, not something you "try" at.
You need to state clearly what your goal is. It doesn't and shouldn't involve anyone but you. What is your goal?
Break that "elephant" goal down into bite sized chunks. Quit saying "That elephant's too big." and "I tried using a rope on that elephant before." Do you know how old cowboys used to train wild horses? Look it up. It took time and patience.
Quit with the defeatest, "done it all attitude" since it's really not getting you anywhere. Quit grubbing in the past like a pig wallowing in the mud. Do you really like your life so much that you want it to continue as it is? If so, then great! You have no need to change. If not? What then?
What is your goal? You can't get anywhere without one, it's just you meandering through life or stuck waiting for the world to change around you or for your wife to finally "get it". She won't.
Again, for things to change for you, you have to change. What is your goal?
What made me lose my resolve? How about just getting plain worn down by the resistance. I never imagined it would be so deep.
And not just that. Without the perspective that I've gained from this website, especially the comments from women, and other sources like it in recent years, I figured most women were more or less like my wife. After years of marriage, kids, stress, and going into menopause, I figured the Tonight Show jokes were a reflection of reality -- that women have headaches most nights in most seasoned marriages. And I had male friends who agreed with me, like one friend whose wife flat out told him she "was done with sex".
Yeah, things did improve for a short while when we got back together again. And then it tapered off again and eventually reached the same SSM status again.
Why did I stop it? You mean, why didn't we separate again and again, so that each time we'd get back together, I'd have that initial goodwill sex before it tapered off again?
My goal is to have great sex with a fun-loving, highly communicative, high-energy woman who loves sex, has orgasms, wants it frequently, and has a great sexual fantasy imagination. I've never experienced that, and would love know what it's like.
Sounds shallow? Hey, you asked! Now break that into bite sized chunks.
My goal is to have great sex with a fun-loving, highly communicative, high-energy woman who loves sex, has orgasms, wants it frequently, and has a great sexual fantasy imagination. I've never experienced that, and would love know what it's like.
Sounds shallow? Hey, you asked! Now break that into bite sized chunks.
can't break it down. You said you won't leave her or threaten to (though it sort of worked before but you're vague about why you came back and how it again changed to no sex)
but no one here is asking you to leave her.
But your "goal" is, per YOU, unattainable. So that's kind of a drag for a goal.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My goal is to have great sex with a fun-loving, highly communicative, high-energy woman who loves sex, has orgasms, wants it frequently, and has a great sexual fantasy imagination. I've never experienced that, and would love know what it's like.
Well ... there are plenty of those around, certainly most of the women I'm close to. I wonder what it is about you that hasn't attracted those women into your life?
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
But your "goal" is, per YOU, unattainable. So that's kind of a drag for a goal.
Don't be so pessimistic! I didn't say it would be easy. To paraphrase JFK's famous quote on a challenging goal, I want to do it not because it's easy, but because it's hard.
Well ... there are plenty of those around, certainly most of the women I'm close to. I wonder what it is about you that hasn't attracted those women into your life?
Quite the contrary. But looking back, I often mistook it for flirtation just to get attention, not real sexual interest. Or, at best, I assumed it was just flash-in-the-pan interest like my wife showed when we first met.
Remember the 2003 Newsweek cover showing a married couple in bed, the man working on a laptop and the woman eating ice cream, both looking stressed? The cover title was "No Sex, Please, We're Married". My response was, "Yep, ain't that the truth", and so I assumed it was pretty universal.
