Yes, one of the things that I realized is that he is naturally pessimistic. Since he is gone, I realized that I am not. Well, I guess i am in some ways, but I am much more likely to look at bad situations as challenges.
I also realized that I am much more energetic than he is.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Forward and Trusting, my H does the same competitive thing about who has it worse.
I remember when my SS was deployed to Iraq the first time. His unit got into a fire fight and the lead lieutenant which was SS's best friend was shot and he died in my son's arms.
I was crying for all of them and I told my H that our son would never be the same again after that.
H turned on me and he very vehemently let me know that his best friend also was shot and died in his arms when he was serving in Germany during the Nam war.
I remember being shocked as this was the first time he'd ever shared that with me and even more so at his tone.
Little did I know at the time that his MLC was beginning to kick into high gear.
I think the "competitive" self kicks into high gear because as children, they weren't recognized for their accomplishments. Maybe a brother, sister or someone else in their peer group got all of the attention for something similiar to what the mlcer did. The mlcer is looking for admiration and acknowledgement all of the time during the crisis and it's very sad. If you have children, you might even see your mlcer in competition w/them. Sad, isn't it?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Very sad. My ex was very competititive with my son saying at one point to him, "You will never be as good looking or as successful as me". Oh, ex heard a ear full from me that day. This was one of the key reasons why I had ex to leave the home.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
One thing that is confusing to me is that my H still will once in a while look (fish) for my admiration and or approval. Not sure why he bothers with what I think as he has handily replaced me with ow.
Do wonder sometimes if ow is a little lax in handing out the praise to him or if he looks to me because it's something she might not know about or understand. (Something in our history)
Nothing I dwell on, but certain incidents are curious to me.
Seeking, What your xh is doing is quite the norm...my xh married ow in 2003 and still is competitive w/me. It's not about us or the ow, it's all about them seeking affirmation/recognition from anyone they think will do it.
My xh is looking for affirmation for being an airport firefighter and that has come about because of 9/11. Prior to leaving the marriage, he looked at the position as a job that provided him w/a paycheck. Didn't want to do volunteer services, didn't want to advance the fire department...just put his time in. When the PI found his apartment and was invited into the place, the PI advised me that my xh had framed all of his fire department training certificates and had them hung on the wall over the sofa....this was so out of character because xh had often talked about quitting the job. Now, w/911, his has put on on his Facebook page, as well as others "retired firefighter" in bold letters. It's because he can get more attention and interest in him that way. In other words, he is capitalizing on the 9/11 tragedy...how crazy and sick is that?
It's all about them and what they didn't get as as children.
Just be yourself and don't worry about them being competitive w/you. Eventually, they have to get tired of trying to keep up w/everyone. I know I would be exhausted trying to impress people all of the time. Be thankful you are sane, whole and have your feet planted firmly on the ground.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
What a day. I went grocery shopping today and ran into ex's sister. We have not spoken since the divorce. We hugged and told each other how much we missed each other. She told me that she was told by ex that I did not want any contact from her. She told me that ex tells everyone that I am crazy. His sister told me how much she disapproved of what ex did to me. She has gotten in many arguments with him about it. She said she does not have much of a relationship with him because all he wants to do is talk about how much money he makes and the things he gets. It was all so interesting. We have plans to keep in touch and go out on a regular basis. I feel so blessed that this happened. Ex has tried so hard to make sure that no one has interactions with me. Things are going to change. The funny thing about all of this was that OW was also in the store shopping. Luckily, I did not run into her, but ex's sister informed me of this.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, I'm so happy to read that you and your xsil bumped into each other. It explains a lot of why you haven't heard from her. You have to wonder as to what else he's told people...you? crazy? I don't think so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just more projection on his part. He would love for me to just disappear.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
