No you are not confusing me. I think I understand what you are saying. You have good self awareness, I think that is the key in piecing. You must continually tweek and check your actions and behaviors so all your progress does not regress.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My XH never stopped calling me on the phone during our separation, divorce and even post-divorce. Usually he was sober and would talk to me for long periods of time, saying he always loved me and regretted the sorry choices he made by walking out.
Then, there were the other phone calls when he was drunk and he would yell at me about everything from being unhappy for 20 years to never loving me.
The harrassing calls always ended abruptly with him hanging up, usually after I said something that blew a hole in his tirade.
He would ALWAYS call back within minutes to tell me I was the love of his life and would I drive down to his (new) house and join him in the hot tub? (Of course I never did).
Those conflicting phone calls were driving me crazy until I finally caught on to what was happening and later confirmed by my sister-in-law. Apparently, the OW was his audience during the drunken phone calls. She was listening in to our conversations. The OW knew that XH was calling me often. She pressured him to make these calls to appease her jealousy.
XH was weak to let the OW dictate his actions. But, really not surprising since he played a passive role during our 20 year marriage, too.
I'm glad to say that those roller-coaster phone calls are a thing of the past. XH still calls me on occasion, but he is always sober, he's always sorry for what he did and, of course, he will always love me.
I listen to him, smile, and feel relief that the crazy ride is over.
OMG....Valeria that is just insane! The OW making him call you and verbally abuse you like that to appease her own self esteem/jealousy?
Sick and wrong! Is he still with that woman?
It still blows me away over the kind of people our X's hook up with after their insane departures...hell if you can even say that...departure! With phone calls like that, how could you ever feel like he was gone?
They may be out of the house but with all the drama that goes on with an MLCer, sometimes it's like they never left! The emotional scald and overall vibe tends to linger, until we get a firm grip on detatchment.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Well Im getting mixed signals again, and Im really upset! Hopefully someone can identify or give me some pointers in how to look at this!
STBX has gone from NC for 4 months, to being communicative and actually working with me about visits with the kids, schedules, and now tax filing. Even friendly, like we're getting back to the good friends we used to be. As much as I want that, I don't trust him! I hate the I don't trust him.
I know back in December he was in Monster (had been for months anyway) mode and he got called on it by my attorney and his attorney as well. After that he's slowly returned to acting like the kind man I knew him to be. As much as I prayed for this to happen, and have wanted it, well Im getting it and it's scaring me to death!
Im scared because this is how he was the first 3 months after he left. Sweet as pie, then get BAM he's snapping about something and not talking to me. Sweet as pie, acting like my best friend then BOOM I find out he's been living with OW for 2 months. I then hire and attorney and then spew and NC for another 3 months until I had to pressure him about child support. Then BAM with spew, but this time he did get talked to by my attorneys. Since then he's slowly become cooperative to being my friend again.
He has blown all his inheritence money for now. However he blamed me for him being broke. From what Im putting together, OW will not get a job. She sleeps till 11 a.m., doesn't get dressed unless they go somewhere, and stays in her PJ's all day long. She does cook, clean, and game online most of the time. STBX works and is paying most of the bills, plus child support to me. I had heard she was on extended unemployment, or some sort of compensation. When my kids are over there, she does her own thing while he and the girls spend all their time together. She doesn't join in. Which quite frankly IS OK WITH ME.
Im just scared. This is the man I miss, this is the man I remember, this is the man I still love. He's peeking out of the tunnel again? It's a farse to look good to the court and everyone around? Or has he literally snapped out of narcissist mode and joined the human race? What suprises me is that as much as I wanted this, it angers me that NOW, a month and a half before our divorce will be final, that he DECIDES TO PEEK OUT AND SAY HELLO! Jump off the mothership for a visit??
Im scared and frustrated, and my emotions want me to blow my stack and yell at him, WHY NOW.. but I of course won't do that. I will come here, because here is wher I found sanity out of the most insane situation. Is MLC like being Bi polar too?
Detach Kimmerz. I'd post on your thread but don't know where it is. You can enjoy this positive AND still not trust him. That's OK. Just don't get sucked back in.
Is MLC like being bi-polar? A little, perhaps. There's other emotional disorders like borderline, narcissistic, etc that it may closely resemble.
Your situation is very common. Their emotions fluctuate. When he is decent, notice it, relish it and compliment his choice to be this way. You are worried about not trusting him, well why should you? Trust is earned and it takes lots of time. Just when we think their behavior will be consistent, they turn again.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
