Picking up the pieces

[ncl]

Thank you so much for your support and kind and encouraging words, NLW! You are a good friend. There are probably several things from my past threads that you could cut and paste in your archives on what NOT to do as well! If anyone has been able to gain anything of value from my posts, then the hardship has been worth it.

Forgiving can be so very difficult, as unfortunately, we just can't FORGET all the trauma we have been put through. I will be going along doing so well and then, boom, I'm served with a reminder and I feel like I go back to square one. I've learned how to deal with those feelings in positive, healthy ways as opposed to lashing out at my husband. I'm blessed that he is very open and willing to reassure me when I let the fear creep in. It's difficult since ow is someone I'm likely to run into on at least a weekly basis, and sadly, she is the type of person who feels no regret for her actions; in fact, she enjoys gloating about the pain she brought me. I have to work on not being her victim and not giving her any control. And I have to remind myself that if God loves me so very much that He gave his Son to die on the cross for my many sins -- offering me complete forgiveness -- who am I to hold grudges against other people? It's not always easy to remember or practice that, but I do my best.

I am hopeful that time+consistency on my husband's part, as well as consistency in the changes I've made, will indeed help the fear, anger and pain fade in time. While there is much value in learning from the past, there is none in staying stuck there...life is short, so we need to get to living for TODAY!

[NLW]

What fortitude and strength of character you have shown ncl.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have to encounter ow every week.

I am trying to prepare myself to run into my H's ow when I take my kids to watch their daddy play football on Saturday. I don't know for sure that she'll be there, but I'm trying to gear myself up for it.

I still can't work out how to handle the situation/her.

In my heart, I'd like to ask her to leave him alone and tell her just how much pain and suffering she is causing to so many people. I used to want to yell and scream at her, but now I feel I'd just like her to know what hurt she is causing (and, I suppose, appeal to her better nature).

As you've experienced, this would probably only lead to gloating on her part.
But I imagine that there has to be some feeling of self-loathing or shame behind such reactions....

Another cut and past for me from your post above:

"While there is much value in learning from the past, there is none in staying stuck there"

Thanks again; you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[ncl]

I am trying to prepare myself to run into my H's ow when I take my kids to watch their daddy play football on Saturday. I don't know for sure that she'll be there, but I'm trying to gear myself up for it.

I still can't work out how to handle the situation/her.

NLW,

Here's my advice...

Be outgoing, warm and friendly to everyone around you. Look absolutely fantastic (I know you will). Don't pay her any attention, but rather act as if she isn't even there. I don't mean act outwardly rude to her; just ACT AS IF.

I know that you are a class act of a lady. Show everyone that!!!

If you need to go home and fall apart into a bottle of wine and your favorite chocolates afterward...so be it.

But for the game time...put on your game face.

You got this!!!

[angel61]

Hi ncl, I just wanted you to know that I was reading your posts and you inspire me and give me hope. Seeing how many times you had attempted and finally are succeeding helps me hang in there.

I am thanking my lucky stars that my family does not know what has happened between me and my H. They would of course be very protective. Its my H's family I confided to when I was down, and of course, they were very supportive and encouraged me to hang in there.

We are having a rough time right now in our journey. I am not sure if everything will come out to be fine in the end, but I am in a good place.

[ncl]

Angel,

Thank you for reading my posts and for commenting. I'm so grateful that my situation gives you hope!

I read up on your sitch last night and will be following you in your journey. I'm sorry you've hit a rough patch, but as you mentioned, putting your marriage in God's hands is the best thing to do. You can only control YOU, so focus on making Angel the very best you can be, and you will see positive changes in your relations with others (hopefully with your husband). I, too, am a woman of great faith, and without it, I do not think I could be at this point of forgiveness and recovery.

Yes, I've been knocked down many, many times in this journey. However, when I searched my heart, I was never truly content with walking away. Yes, I was in a very good and healthy place and knew the kids and I would thrive should my husband and I divorce, BUT...when he came back with an interest in reconciling, I knew it was right for the kids and particularly ME to give it another shot. I'm so very glad I kept an open mind and heart, in spite of the multitude of hurt I've had.

So first and foremost, take care of you...and focus on you. I'll be praying for you and your marriage. And, I'll be checking in on you.

Hang in there! Ncl