I used to feel guilty about my part in the demise of my M, but that's gone now. I am at peace, because I tried all I could to save it. In the end, there was no point, because I was the only one interested in the saving of it. I have apologized for any pain I have caused him, and now there is nothing more I can do. I hope you can get to that point. I feel free from all the negativity of our R.
Here's the thing gives me the edge on him ... I didn't run to someone else. I tried to work it out. Now, I'm not interested at all.
There is no point in feeling guilt for something you probably had no control over. But, I understand how you feel ... I did too, for a long, long time. Just let it go, but I know it's difficult. It takes time, but I'm here to tell you, that time will come, when you will hardly think of him, and you won't waste time worrying about what you could've, should've, might've, would've done had you known he felt this way or that way.
Take care. Try and live in the moment ... it's all any of us have.
PS His new wifey doesn't trust him, 'cause she knows what he's capable of doing. He did it to you, he could do it to her. I wonder how long he's going to let her have the choke chain around his neck?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hi! all my old and new friends. Sitting here catching up on all the news.My life is still pretty same old, same old. I have my little house, planted my little garden, mowed my little lawn. (I sound like the Teeny, Tiny Woman, which interestingly enough, was the first book I learned to read. )
Home, Work, Church and Wal-Mart. Pretty boring, but peaceful.
X & I are still battling over alimony. He recently had it reduced based on figures which are ultimately wrong, so here we go again. It never seems to end. He has yet to pay me even a dime. There is a part of me that just wants to accept it and let it be, but another part of me that is outraged at the injustice of it.
Stick to your guns and keep living the life you've built for yourself. At some point in time the MLCer will figure out there are consequences for their choices that they can't outrun forever.
Punkin - no it doesn't end. They are living their life according to a false narrative they have constructed. This bears no relationship to external reality, and is reinforced by the crazy person they are living with. I believe they actually chose that person because they fit in with this crazy narrative in some way.
I wish I could share SAs confidence that they figure out the consequences of their choices. Some do, but I fear some are stuck forever. They might be obliged to be compliant, but internally they do not agree.
My xh recently attempted to raise some issues which were formally dealt with in the financial settlement. But in his eyes they are still open issues, and I believe he will attempt to raise these whenever he sees an opening.
They have a distorted view of reality, and until that changes will continue to do these things.
My view of MLC has changed radically over the past few months. I believe that everything they are doing makes perfect sense to the MLCer, and that much of their rage comes from the failure of the rest of the world to 'get it'. Some of them have moments of clarity, but in general they are in a closed world. I don't know about you, but the real rage in my xh comes from anyone challenging what he is doing or saying. As long as everyone say 'Yes yes yes' and at least appears to agree with them they can cope, but challenge even the craziest notion with an incontrovertable fact, and they will become at best disbelieving, and generally angry.
Get what is owed to you. You will not change his mind though!
Thanks guys.I'm doing some heavy duty praying on this one. Part of me just wants to let it be. It is, after all, a great thing to even receive alimony in a non alimony state. On the other hand, I don't like being held respoinsible for his debts. It's not really the money, I don't think. Yes, it would make my life more comfortable, but I am not uncomfortable now. I like crossing my bridges as i come to them. I guess what I have to decide is what is my motivation. Revenge? Getting even? Not good psychological places to be in, me thinks. Anyway, I am, as we all are, a work in progress.
Glad to see how many of us have 'hung around' all this time. Miss seeing what is up with the others, though.
Lovely to get an update from you, punkin. I also think you should stick to yer guns, if only not to have to be responsible for his debt. As long as you are comfy, and don't want for anything, then you have time to wait for your alimony.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
punkin, I agree w/everyone else 100%...don't accept the situation as it is right now. Fight for what is rightfully yours in the way of alimony. If the figures are incorrect, they need to be corrected as soon as possible.
I have to agree w/Beatrice's posting about the rage. As long as life is going their way, they are okay. However, the minute you question or challenge them, the rage becomes very evident towards you. They want to be in control and dictate the way everything should fall in place per them.
Does it ever end? Unfortunately, I do not believe so. A dear elderly lady once told me that as long as my xh is alive, he will always be a part of my life. Why? She said he will never be able to fully let go of me because I am the only strong thread left in his ball of yarn. You know what? I believe she is correct. The only way to deal w/the mlcer is to live our life to the fullest extent and when they send postcards to you, read them and then drop them in the trash.
Punkin, once your alimony issue is resolved, I don't think you will have many more issues w/him. Hopefully he will hop on his train and head out of town.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Okay guys . . . . . Contacted my attorney yesterday morning and told him the situation was unacceptable. In the first place, I never say this so called "list of debts" he had paid while we were seperated. To my knowledge, the only things left to be paid on were the mtg., 3 credit cards, HIS Travel Trailer and HIS new truck that he bought 3 weeks before he walked out. Attorney said "Unfortunately, the judge has signed this decree . . ." I said "So what? He signed two others giving me $$$/month and then changed his mind before I ever way a dime?" Long and short of it is, I told him I didn't care if I ended up paying him the alimony every month, as long as I wasn't paying for X's debts.
Later -
Went to lunch with co-worker/friend. Small Italian restaurant. In walks my attorney, who sits behind and to my right. In walks my BFF, who was at my side during the court date. In walks THE JUDGE!!, who sits behind me. We were the only 4 occupied tables in that particular section. Coincidence??????
