I wouldn't expect her to want to be in a room with you for anything, even counseling, for a long time. Have you told her in the past that you won't hit her again or that you only hit her because she makes you so angry?
I'm sure it took her a lot of courage to be able to get to where she is right now and she is right to have you out of the house.
You have lots of work to do, keep with the counseling.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
As far as I know, my father wasn't physically abusive to my mom or any female, but he was verbally. (In fact it always upset me that she didn't stand up to him.) However, he has a vitamin B12 problem. I've heard the stories that when it started his temper was much worse, with veiled hints it almost broke them up. So I don't know what actually happened then. To this day he has to take a monthly shot of B12 and if it waits too long he starts to get short tempered. So far my B12 has been normal. No bipolar I know of.
Labug: No, she doesn't want to be in a room with me for anything. I'm sure I've said many variations on I wont' do it again: I don't want to do this again, how can I not do this again, why do I keep doing this. She doesn't trust me and I know with good reason. At this point I don't trust myself. I agree I should be out of the house right now.
I never said specifically it was because she mad me angry. I did try in the beginning to analyze where in the argument things went out of control, as if somehow we both were doing something wrong, but long ago I knew it was me and I had to stop. I've tried various things on my own for years thinking I could fix it myself. How very wrong I was.
M 42, W 40, S 11, D 9 Together 20 years, married 15 W Dropped Bomb 1/12/2012 I moved (kicked) out 1/27/2012
So you are fairly healthy mentally? If you are trully depressed you would not have the energy to fight. So I think you like myself want to get angry and give yourself permission to be angry. Does that make sense? I was thought that it was manlier to show anger instead of fear and other emotions. Does that sound familiar?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Was your father physically abusive towards your mom or any other female in the family? Is there a history of bipolar disorder on mom or dads side?
I am wondering why, of all mental illness, you seemed to gravitate towards questions regarding history of bi-polar dis-order. Of course, there may be no particular reason, I am just curious, as I have been stamped with a variation of the disorder myself. Thank you in advance for your response per THIS case. Yas
Married 27 Years Together 32 Years 4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08 Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
So you are fairly healthy mentally? If you are trully depressed you would not have the energy to fight. So I think you like myself want to get angry and give yourself permission to be angry. Does that make sense? I was thought that it was manlier to show anger instead of fear and other emotions. Does that sound familiar?
So, it took a few days to decide I wanted to post this part.
There are those pesky suicidal thoughts I've had since I was a teen, and that period after the kids were born when I would look at people, realize we all end up dead anyway, and wonder what the point of everything was. I described it as "seeing" people as skeletons, not hallucinating but like visualizing a room painted a different color. I thought I was "fairly mentally healthy" then too. But no, as of yet there is no full diagnosis of mental illness.
As for wanting to be angry, I don't think so. It does seem to be my go-to reaction though. if I'm not really paying attention to keeping things in check. I don't even know that I would call it not wanting to show fear, because I can very often say "I'm afraid that . . ." -- I just end up saying it angrily.
A lot of this is in the past and helped the Cymbalta, thought I think it's no surprise the suicidal thoughts have come back (and yes the shrinks are aware).
M 42, W 40, S 11, D 9 Together 20 years, married 15 W Dropped Bomb 1/12/2012 I moved (kicked) out 1/27/2012
