New Sunrise, New beginning...I am ready to get 2012 started.
Thanks MAL. I had a lot of fun yesterday hanging out with his family and celebrating the new year. I wanted to ask how it went with them meeting the girlfriend for the first time the day before, but I didn't. I kept my mouth shut and kept the conversation light and fun....for the most part....I did bring up something negative the EX said to my daughter, to my MIL. I immediately wished I didn't say anything and quickly covered over it. I have to remember that no matter how close our relationship is she is HIS mother. Today, half of me wants to appologize to her about it. And the other half is saying relax it was no big deal, and move on. and from this time forward keep my feeling about her son to myself.
I sometimes obsess about the stupid stuff, that I think most people wouldn't give another thought too. I guess that's something else I need to work on in 2012.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Not sure what to think.... The STBX was over to visit and take out the Girls on Saturday. When they got back he kind of hung around for a little. He asked if he could have something hanging in the hallway to take to his new home with his GF. It was pretty much his anyways, so I said take it.
While he's following me around he starts telling me how he still cares about me, how he still "loves" me. When I looked at him Like he was crazy he said "why else would I still be taking care of everything" (He is still paying all the bills.) I have lost about 50 pounds in the last several Months, he told me how great I am looking and even implied he would like to have sex with me. WTH ! Then he asks if I have had sex yet, he knows I am not in a relationship. That was too much, I acted like I didn't hear that and walked away. End of conversation !!
Just very strange. I don't know what to think. He said all of that. But then through in how the divorce will be final July 13th...that's the day I was served papers and had to sign them. We have done no work on the divorce. I guess after 2 years it becomes final.
Anyways what would you make about all those comments, the I still care, I still love you. The sex talk ? Is he just trying to butter me up, keep me on his good side ? Is he having second thoughts ? Or is he just one confused man ? I sure know I am now, I don't know what to think after this last conversation.
Thanks, Shelby.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
He is just one confused man. Would you really want to be with him?
My ex told me he will always love me. Yet he was nasty as hell to me and lived with OW from the beginning. He did NOTHING as far as getting a divorce and was horrible in mediation (my lawyer said he has never seen worse). He paid no bills. Yet - if I had said "let's have sex" - he'd have jumped into bed in a nano second. Because it was always his fantasty to have 2 women - even if they weren't together. He did this for a while before I knew about OW. I ended up with a STD (fortunately curable). Nice huh?
My question is simple - Is this a man you would actually want to be with?
You are lucky he is paying the bills. Mine wouldn't contribute a dime to me or the 3 kids without a court order and even then - it was tough to get anything out of him. yet he sports a new BMW and is taking fancy vacations.
Sorry - this was not supposed to be about me. I just found so many things in what you wrote - typical of MLC guys. Let him spin. If he is with OW - leave him be.
Thanks. No I would not want him back. I'm just really confused by his recent behavior. My ex has been living with his GF as soon as he left too. They did purchase a new home together last summer.which has me thinking....Last year we did the taxes together since we are still legally married. When he over the other day he said we should do them separated this year. I am Begining to wonder if it is because he is trying to keep the new home out of it. He told me before he put no money on it she did. And her name is on it not his, I don't believe him because I was getting mail delivers to my house with his name on it saying "congratulations on your new home"
I think he his trying to hide the new home from me ? I don't know ?
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
My ex also did that! Unbelievable how they can all be "text book". We had a mortgage with his name still on it. He told me OW bought the house. His brother told me differently.
We were married 25 years, together 30. He changed into someone we did not recognize and still don't - 10 years later.
They will lie and cheat everyone and everything to get what they want.
The STBX was here earlier to take the DD's out for dinner. The oldest didn't want to go at all, and didn't go. My youngest did go out with him, she came back and she said all he talked about was making her feel bad and pressuring her to come down to his new home where he lives with the Girlfriend. He moved an hour away. I need to update my signature, my daughters are 16 & 13 now. They don't know her. They don't want to go there.
I don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or if I should send him a message and tell him That..... I know the Girls are getting more difficult in their teenage years, but I don't think pressuring them and making them feel guilty will help. This is the life he chose, not the life they chose to live.
Any suggestions ? Should I keep quiet or speak up ?
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
"I don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or if I should send him a message and tell him That..... I know the Girls are getting more difficult in their teenage years, but I don't think pressuring them and making them feel guilty will help. This is the life he chose, not the life they chose to live.
Any suggestions ? Should I keep quiet or speak up ?"
In the context of you both being D, think about how you broach this topic so as not to antagonize. Because you know your ex will probably feel like he is being maligned.
It is a delicate balancing act, I would think. Maybe say something about the D's loving their father but are not yet ready to move into the next phase of his R with a person other than their mom.
I don't know, kind of dicey situation that could get aggravated if not handled with care.
Sorry, its the best advice I've got.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I have dealt with a similar situation as my ex married his affair partner. The stance I have taken is that the relationships he has or doesn't have are between him and the kids.
My oldest has very little to do with him. My 16 year old does do something's but refuses to go every other weekend to their house. Ex makes the girls go all the time that the agreement dictates. They have a love hate relationship with him.
I am there to listen and offer advice. If he asks for my take on something, I may let him know but make sure I am tactful. No reason to try and keep rehashing what happened, that is done. So for the last few years I have worked on getting the kids and I to a good place. Take what you have now and move forward.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
