How did you lose that 77 pounds? That's about how much weight I need to lose 70-80 pounds. I've really struggled with weight and it got worse after having kids. I actually lost alot of weight being pregnant, and would be much thinner than pre pregnancy weight after the baby was born.
I lost 23 pounds this past year due to stress and starvation due to no appetite. WEll now my appetite is back, and Im starting to gain it back. I need to start excercising...thinking I need to just turn my livingroom into a disco. Get a strobe light, turn on the music and the girls and I can just let it rip!
At any rate I wanted to tell everyone I downloaded the book No More Mr Nice Guy tonight, and boy has that really validated things! Couldn't describe Mr. Man-stbx any better!
I had discussed with Kaffe and T^2 just what his intentions could be. We then discussed how a man needs to know he's pleasing his woman. Now that I think about it..... I think he still is really trying to win my approval. Now why he's doing it, I have no idea. Figured I'd be chopped liver compared to a woman that worships him and gives him everything he wants, how he wants it and when he wants it. I have noticed that he finally seemed to start coming around and communicating better after I offered alot of praise and encouragment in the things he had been doing...and it was authentic. No manipulation or lies, I meant it.
So we'll see. Im working hard on Forgiving him. Carrying this resentment and anger is draining my soul and I don't want it anymore. But forgiving comes in stages and it takes time to actually feel it. After I read some of the No More Mr Nice guy, I felt a huge weight lift from me. It was finally sinking in just how warped poor Mr. Man's need for approval is. And I felt sorry for him! Every nasty behavior and reaction he's had towards me now makes sense as well.
The girls and i had a wonderful easter and a great easter dinner. I got to relax but enjoy the girls at the same time. Just hearing them play and laugh is music to my ears. All 3 of us survived this year and are going to be ok. I got my girls through this....now I think it's time for me to collapse!
The first 40 pounds I lost thru counting calories. Dilligently. I went thru a behavorial program. They meet weekly. Little goals. I went to bed hungry everynight for the first year.
The next 37 pounds I lost the same way, only had the stress of MLC/OW killing my appetite. I want to lose 30 more, need to crack down.
I lift weights, walk, do yoga, change it up a lot to keep it fun.
I will tell you more later. But the most important thing I learned on the program I'm in is to log your food. That way if you have a slightly bad day (Backslide) you can look at the record and see it really wasn't as bad as you thought. Never beat yourself up.
Sounds a lot like DBing! There are many online programs for logging food. Find one you like and use it!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
FWIW, my weight loss was a combo of weight training, high protein/low carbs (got rid of the grains, but lots of veggies though!) and I took my base metabolism and daily caloric needs to maintain that (~2500 cals) and lopped off 1000 cals...oh, and the LBS diet helped a lot, just wasn't hungry much 210 down to 175-ish.
As far as stbx...
Quote:
Figured I'd be chopped liver compared to a woman that worships him and gives him everything he wants, how he wants it and when he wants it.
That gets boring after the newness wears off...seriously. (And what is the deal with chopped liver, btw...? The best pates are basically that, and are they tasty!...
Quote:
have noticed that he finally seemed to start coming around and communicating better after I offered alot of praise and encouragment in the things he had been doing...and it was authentic.
Inside a lot men is a little boy who needs feeding every now and then...and words of affirmation is the LL food. But don't women also want/need that as well (especially with the day to day things)? My hit or miss in that area was number 1 or 2 of W's list...I think all of us humans could do better in that area, personally.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
You have a lot to be proud of. Your girls will have someone to look up to everyday...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
As for divorce and the dust settling...it does happen and people can put aside the arguments about finances and the what nots or how comes that require a divorce and get on w/life. I noticed that once my divorce took place, things actually settled down w/my xh once he received his settlement from the home and went on his merry way. I didn't hear from him again for about 3 1/2 years and he actually acted like a civilized human being. As for the lbs, a huge weight is lifted once a divorce takes place because you then know that he/she can't manipulate and/or control you any longer. You come to realize that all of the sparring over finances, property, assets, etc. should be over and done with and the dust settles and you can then focus on you, your family and your future.
And then again, sometimes it doesn't end. They remain un-civil long after they have gotten what they wanted. Or said they wanted at any rate.
It doesn't end until you end it. As hard as that might sound, unless and until you end it, it will not end for you. It might for him as was pointed out by others, but it will not for you.
What I see in your posts are some interesting thoughts and growth. I see positive momentum. Keep up the good work and have zero expectations. It'll show.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM, I agree, there are some who remain angry for a very long time and then there are those who will die still angry about the entire situation.
You are also correct in saying that we have to end it or it will never end for us.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I would have to agree also. Mine is still quite angry and angry about what he said would make him happy.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
[quote][/quote]That gets boring after the newness wears off...seriously. (And what is the deal with chopped liver, btw...? The best pates are basically that, and are they tasty!...
LOl....Thanks T^2! Ha ha... I liked that! Quite frankly...I don't see what he sees in her! Perhaps someone that was just as obsessed about gaming (if not worse) than he is, enjoys a surgically clean house (you should hear his expectations for a clean BBQ grill )as he does,doesn't like animals, she doesn't work, all her kids are grown, and really has no life, well she can "service" him any time he wants.
And you know what? I feel sorry for her.
I remember she always used to call over to the house and request him to rescue her in some way at work. And you know what? As down and out as I've been in my life I have never needed rescuing or asked him or anyone else to rescue me. I've asked for help and might need a little help, but I am the farthest thing from being a damsel in distress. So with him being Mr. Nice Guy, I can see how that would result in a love/hate relationship with me. Attracted to my strength, but resent me for not being needy so he can rescue me and gain approval.
Yet there are so many things he did or he was that I admired so much in him. Funny thing, he never could take a compliment either.
About the weight loss you guys, The one thing that is the hardest for me is feeling deprived. Another thing is my work is so hectic Im lucky to even get a regular break just to get a healthy snack. Then Im over hungry and end up over eating. I really must work on a solution to this.
The girls are with their Dad tonight. I text him yesterday and told him that D9 could ride the bus now given she's off crutches and wheelchair restriction. I let him know I will have her ride the bus home from school and that if he wanted to, he didn't have to take them to school every morning if that's what he wanted to do. He's been racing over here on his 15 minute breaks to get the to school since Im at work at that hour. I never got a response from him. One thing I did notice is that at every extra mile he's tried to go the past month, I've kindly said "no thank you, I have it taken care of". When I do that, he drops the coversations like a hot potato. Im curious as to if he takes offense to this.
Im feeling pretty good today and am so relieved that so much of my anger seems to have just melted away...finally. However I won't count my chickens quite yet. Im sure Im not completely done being angry, or I will most likely get frustrated by him again. But as long as it becomes less and less, that's a sign of progress.
Hi Everyone, I just wanted to tell anyone that hasn't read Co dependent No more...needs to read it!
This book is fascinating! It's enlightening me to so many things not only about myself....but dare I say my XH! I surely was NOT expecting that! Now that's an eye opener, when you see you BOTH
My whole family dynamic is in this book as well as his family dynamic!
I am so happy to have finally found this book. I think if I can really apply the tools, I really will have the life I always wanted but knew I could have. I just didn't know exactly how to get there, that's all.
Im proud to announce my attatchment is going well. I don't sense attatchment until Xh starts coming around and being nice. Now that really presses those co dependent buttons you see. I can't believe how many years I really did spend trying to control his feelings towards me or basically how he treated me b
I meant to say it surely was an eye opener when you see both you and your spouse had a co dependent relationship with eachother!
My last sentence ^^^^, what I meant was I spent many years trying to control his feelings and treatment of me by pushing myself to be something or someone I really am not.
What Im now realizing, I never would've pleased him no matter what. There was always this underlying tone of him never being quite satisfied with me or what I did. But because he did it so passively and at times far and few between I didn't really catch it, until it was full blown non stop.
210 down to 175-ish.
LOl....Thanks T^2! Ha ha... I liked that! Quite frankly...I don't see what he sees in her! Perhaps someone that was just as obsessed about gaming (if not worse) than he is, enjoys a surgically clean house (you should hear his expectations for a clean BBQ grill 
)as he does,doesn't like animals, she doesn't work, all her kids are grown, and really has no life, well she can "service" him any time he wants.