Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
Well I wrote my scatter brained story the other night. I was so happy to find a site that encourages keeping the marriage but I really would have liked to hear some responses or advice from someone just cuz I just need so badly to communicate in order to sort things out in my head. But maybe I seem too complicated. I mean look at my username. I am a very isolated and alone person so I don't get to discuss my issues with anyone and I guess I was hoping a miracle suggestion or something would fall down outta the sky. One that I can see or read cuz my relationship with the MAN Upstairs isn't do hot neither at the moment a lllllonnnng moment. Anyway, I just thought I might express that to u. I'm not allowed to express myself to my husband or my family(whom I no longer speak to 5 siblings) THEY say I'm too BRASHi guess cuz I call it like I see it "AND I MIGHT HURT SOMEBODY'S FEELINGS" and 4 of them older taught me this. But anyway, sorry for my scatter brained self. I'll go from one thing to another and I have to focus on saving my marriage which isn't seeming very promising at this time. Cuz I'm at fault. For doing what I did! The ultimate no no! In a marriage! I betrayed my vows in the worst way possible!
I have posted and it doesn't show. What am I doing wrong? Please let me know soon. As it is my relationship is sinking. Newcomer Merlot
You are not doing anything wrong. You are on moderation right now and your posts need to be approved by the moderator. First lesson in DB'ing - Patience.
DB Mod it might help if you could make a post about moderation explaining it to posters so that they get the official position about it. Anything I write is just guessing and what I seem to observe.
You are right, I think newbies need some explanation. And a fair amount is posted on this thread, so, I'm not really sure what else is needed. Let me know if what I post here doesn't cover it:
Newbies are moderated until the moderator on the forum has observed good posting behavior. The moderator approves each post, and then recommends to the administrator that the post can be unmoderated.
The goal to approve individual posts is 24 hours. There are very few moderators, and they have other full-time jobs. So, there are times that this approval does not happen within 24 hours. We apologize, we are committed to you, sometimes the timeframe is unavoidable.
Newbies are moderated until the moderator on the forum has observed good posting behavior. The moderator approves each post, and then recommends to the administrator that the post can be unmoderated.
So "good posting behavior" is following the TOS or DB advice?
When does moderation for a new poster end?
Is moderation different for a new poster on their own thread vs someone elses thread?
I might also suggest that you post this info, stick it and lock it to the top of the forum so no one else posts on the thread.
Those are the perfect questions, Cadet, and there is no onesizefitsall answer.
I am not speaking for other moderators, just giving my best answer based on my experience.
There can be 12-60 posts on a given day to approve, and especially if I have missed a day approving posts. So my goal is to read and approve the posts as quickly as possible, and then see who I have determined can come off full moderation. That's the short version.
"Good posting behavior" -- Following terms of service. Do you have to follow DB advice, no. Do you have to only give DB advice -- no. Can you give advice contrary to DB -- it depends on what it is.
When does moderation end: When the moderator has confidence in the posting behavior. It is not a certain number of posts.
When threads like this are closed so no one else can post, to you and me it might seem 'cleaner', but more folks get upset that they cannot respond with a question. (Notice that you personally were able to ask these questions in a forum that everyone can see.)
Is moderation different for a new poster on their own thread vs someone else's thread -- to me that is the most excellent question. I will just say -- for me -- when a newbie is posting all over the place it's harder to follow, to get a sense of continuity.
I am new here. I am happily married however I get to counsel a lot of people in my fellowship on marital issues. I thought this will be a good place to share and learn from others about saving marriages. Any suggestions about where to begin from? I welcome any help you can give me.
how do i send a private message? i tried but it said it was disabled. i went into "edit preferences" and could see nothing about sending private messages, only receiving them and i have "yes" selected. thanks
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
