If Mach would prefer not to post the info here, would you be kind enough to drop me a note and let me know if she's okay. I admired her strength and ability to come here and face her demons, but also to help others.
Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Here is another post to ButterFlyMom who reconciled with her MLC'er MyfavoriteWierdo.
There is a link to MFW's thread who also posted on DB for those who are interested contained in the below link.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...196#Post1382196 BFM ~ It really upsets me to read that your husband was treated badly here by some people. Had I seen it at the time... well, I think we know what would have happened ;\) and it wouldn't have been pretty.
Your husband has done THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD THERE IS TO DO AFTER MLC - turn around and try to return home - and you can tell him that I said, from experience, that he has a hell of a lot to be proud of himself for because it takes a Divine conviction the likes of which UTTERLY SLAYS the prideful MLC spirit (and the newly awake MLCer has to practically BEG God for), and then it takes balls the size of Texas to look at our LBSs and admit we were wrong - all wrong- and to ask your forgiveness when it is all we can do to stand upright in the face of the realization of what we have done. If anyone, and I mean on any website, bashes someone that has survived MLC to return to their family - or even try to - they KNOW NOTHING - I REPEAT - THEY HAVE LEARNED NOTHING - while they've been claiming to stand for an MLCer. They are hypocrites. Stupid (which is different than ignorant as they have been exposed to the information on MLC) hypocrites!
Jack, I'm very happy to hear that she's doing great. If you should be in contact w/her, please send her my regards and well wishes.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will have to go and read more of Amy's posts.....reading this was like she was writing about me. I have been wondering if my H is in MLC. (He wants out and I am trying to DB)....but now I'm starting to think I was in MLC a few years ago and this January marked my coming out of it. I have told H that I actually feel physiologically DIFFERENT (and better) than I have for a long time. Of course he thinks this is BS, but I cant explain it any other way. Could it be that what I thought was depression (and strict denial of such) was actually MLC?? I too have said horrible things and H doesn't understand how someone can even think those things, much less say them. But they were there in my mind and out of my mouth. And like Amy there were other horrible things I didn't say ( I never told him I hated him) they were definitely in my mind and yes, my actions spoke volumes to my H. So much so that he convinced himself that i wanted a D, which has never been true (though it was an occasional fantasy during that time i refer to as "when i had the crazies"). Since my "awakening" in Jan I can no longer imagine going back to the way I was.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
jen, The major symptom of mlc is depression. So, yes, you experienced depression a few years ago. MLC is not just about doing and saying odd things, but it's about the past, which is what depression is all about.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So much of that resonated as per my W. I mean everything for the first two years of Amy's time frame for her MLC.
IF my W is MLC, like what appears Amy was, she'd be a vanisher if it wasn't for the kids. I'd be at that two year mark where Amy indicates her H finally gave up (I've appeared to, in my mind). And she indicated that she'd felt that was a good thing at first, and began a new cycle of replay (I've found out that my W is planning some good ol' partying this summer).
How she had a new circle of friends; yup to my W. Yes, my W maintains (some) contact with old friends, while her current group of friends has mainly consisted of people she never knew or would not have partied (spent time) with (some much younger).
Eventually Amy indicated she'd stopped talking to "everyone". My W now appears to have only a few people she really associates with on a regular basis. For the most part, I think it's just companionship so she isn't ever "alone".
Amy indicates she'd convinced "everyone" close to her (family, etc) that she was right to want to be S / D from her H. Certainly appears to be the case with my W.
And then... she began to re-connect with old friends... I just found out that my W has just reconnected with an old, good friend from her past. Someone I am aware that she has not spent much time with over the past three or so years (confirmed by D14; who would know). She was visiting with that friend, today.
None of this matters, really. I just find it has been a really interesting read. Based on Amy's description of her MLC, the primary portion of her distancing from her "old life" / M extended over a period of at least 3.5 years. Of that, at least 1.5 consisted of her truly believing that her H had given up and let go / moved on.
Even without the OM, whom she suggests she'd got rid of prior to her H giving up, she still needed another 1.5+ years to get everything else out of her system (burning herself out / emotionally getting to rock bottom) before she started looking inwards.
I'd submit that an "important" transition might take a couple years for sure. Possibly a little more.
I think Amy's story really resonates with the understanding that the crises extends much beyond a transition time frame. Most likely the significant reason for that is due to the reality that it is a crises, and many people initially fight and resist the crises, either through denial or brute will.
I know there are members here who might either be MLC deniers, or perhaps doubt the extent or depth of what a person who is experiencing this "type" of life crises is really dealing with.
I think that maybe a person can look at Amy's words and still have suspicion that those words are just excuses and reasons for poor behaviour.
I am convinced there is something much deeper going on and I also suspect that many who go through MLC are no where near as open or honest about their MLC experience... In denial DURING the MLC... and in denial OF the MLC, POST MLC...
