How do you respond when he wants attention? Am I reading you correctly that you mean he wants s*x? Do you give it? There's a lot of debate about whether to do that while DBing or not.
Yes, I have been following the incredible moving toothbrush ... quite weird.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
hrm, I'm glad to see that you recognized the depression signs and your counselor agrees. Some days are very difficult to roll out of the bed, but you have to do it. If you don't, you'll fall into that black pit and may not come out for a long time.
Your h is a very confused "young man" these days. He's actually acting out at the age of 17/18 because he doesn't know what to do and him admitting that he's walking back and forth, i.e., to see what you are doing, leads me to think that he is very insecure and is afraid that you are going to leave him. He doesn't know how to deal w/that issue. Oh, yeah, he's noticed the detachment and his mind is working twice as hard to understand it.
As for the toothbrush...guess he's going to stay right where he's at for the time being. Wonder if he'll park even closer to the front door in the next week or so....he's giving it all he's got to get your attention "mom"!
Happy 4th of July!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
being me~ Yep that's what I am referring to when I say attention. I do give him the "attention"..... don't know if that is the DB way or not..... but hey, I have needs too! It doesn't happen often... apparently only when he is "having trouble resisting me".
toothbrush still in holder this morning.... LOL I don't know why, but it's just amusing to watch it's journey.... hey, just trying to keep my sense of humor during my tour in Crazytown.
T~ No, I'm not on meds, I hate taking meds, I avoid them as much as possible. Even for my PCOS, stopped taking the meds the doctor wanted me on and started taking cinnamon instead, it works just as well, and no yucky side effects! T, I know that my alien doesn't even know what he wants from one minute to the next, it's sad really, yet at the same time I am so angry at him... I don't know what happened, but yesterday the anger just kept edging back in and I can't seem to make it go away. I'm going to try and drag myself to the gym after work today, gotta get back into the swing of things.... Oh, and T, thanks for the hug, don't really get many of those these days, but they are much needed, thank you.
So this morning left me with yet another strange encounter with H. H didn't arrive home last night until after 10, not normal for him, he's generally in bed early, sometimes I call him gramps (only in my head LOL). While I was washing my hands in the bathroom he comes in and he looks a bit... idk, anxious, I guess. He asks me if I can do him a favor. I just look at him (go me I didn't roll on the floor in fits of laughter!), I said what is it? He proceeded to say he hates to even ask me this, but he was wondering if I could check his head for ticks, he was in the woods last night and he had 2 on his legs. I told him sure and made him go out to the living room into the sunlight. As I'm checking his head I said, "You had me worried for a minute when you said check your head, I thought you were going to say lice!" and then I laughed. Apparently I'm funny to absolutely everyone else right now, just not him. All he said again was how sorry he was to ask me to do that for him, but he didn't have anyone else to do it. I didn't point out that fact whoever he was with could have de-ticked him last night. I remained cheerful me and told him he was tick free. I also made sure he had flushed the others he had found on him last night. He said he had, and he was going to wash his laundry when he got home tonight.
Alright, well it's off to get the car aligned I go....
Thanks snodderly, you are always so insightful! I appreciate it greatly. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I think you are a very wise woman!
Well, now my curiosity is up...wonder why he was in the woods last night? Was he looking for the hole Alice's hole so that he could tumble down into Wonderland?
He must have been very concerned about the ticks or he wouldn't have asked you to check his head. He's lucky he didn't get chiggers! LOL!
Your sense of humor is keeping you sane. I wonder what would happen if you purchased a brand new toothbrush and set it right beside his?
Hang in there. Your man child is craving attention from "mom".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ok, so I need either a talk down, a pep talk, or a slap across the face that you would give to some hysterical person!!! Of course it's H.... and I should just be used to his crap by now, but today I'm not dealing well. So instead of going out there and yelling at him, I'm venting here.
H gets home thanks me again for de-ticking him. I laugh and say no problem. I go out to try and cut up a small tree that has fallen down, but I can't find our little camping axe, so that doesn't work well. When I come back in H informs me there is pizza in the oven if I want any.
Fast forward to like an hour later I'm downstairs getting ready to play Just Dance and he asks me if I want to talk. I answered honestly. No, I'm busy. He seemed irritated. I continued with if you have something you want to say then by all means say it. He said (yet again) he wanted to know if I had changed my mind about anything. I said no. I said did you (I knew the answer but couldn't stop my mouth from asking), he did a cold laugh and said no. Threw a little baby fit and I walked back to my game. Played a looooooong time..... Kept thinking of the 37 rules.... anything to keep me from going up to him and yelling there is the door walk the fvck out it if you want, I don't have you shackled here. Also kept me from calling or texting his entire support system and telling them how collectively stupid they all are.
I guess he's decided he should bring up a "talk" because he's not doing a good job of pissing me off with anything else.... Then I find more evidence of just how crazy he is.... another shopping spree.... last website he was at was some shopping cart for something, he deletes the browser history, but the last page is still there. Guess he doesn't realize that.
You would think after almost 9 months a person would get a clue that stuff isn't going to make everything better,and that I'm clearly not the problem, but whatever, throw a baby fit. I think I am also annoyed because today was the day of my car alignment, and well that was another $120!! The guy had to come in and talk to me about something, I don't know I wasn't following him, torque and some crank thingy, and something being really bent. He must have noticed I wasn't following him because he said I probably have you really confused. I said yes, I trust you, please do whatever you need to to fix it. We both laughed. Where I take it I trust them totally, I know they would never screw anyone over. They are a great family owned business that has been in our community for a long time.
H just came storming back here, with grrrr grumpy, I'm mad at you face, and says quite rudely, "It's cooled down considerably, I'd like to open the windows if YOU don't mind." I replied cheerfully, "no, go ahead, that's fine!"
I will NOT give him the fight he is looking for, I refuse to do it. The world does not revolve around him, I refuse to leave my home, and I will continue to stand my ground.
He can have a lovely time talking sh!t about me with his fuvked up family tomorrow.... instead of facing his real issues. Project away jackass!!!!!!!!
hrm, You are handling your situation very well. Poor baby! I bet you never thought you'd be raising a baby at this time in your marriage? Hey, you are a great "mom" in handling your man/child!
The calmer you remain during your interactions, the more frustrated and confused he will become. Yes, he's been doing a lot of of odd things w/one goal in mind...to annoy you enough for you to say that's it.
You are doing the right thing by coming here to vent...oh, by the way, is the toothbrush still in the same place? I bet he'll move it again this week!
Happy 4th of July!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
OH MY!!!!! I am laughing and mad at yout H all at the same time.
And Darn, I'm getting my Sing Star game out and going to play it. And I always wanted a Just Dance. There is no one here but me, and that sounds like fun.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Kaffe~ I found your comment funny, but I hate to break it to you, there is no dance pad for Just Dance, I think you are thinking of that other dance game.... oh what is it called... thinking... thinking... Dance Dance Revelation, that's it!
snodderly~Thank you! I think I'm looking like I am handling the situation well on the outside, which is good for being around my toddler/teen, but on the inside the pain kills me a little more everyday. The toothbrush has DEFINITELY moved since our little chat (or should I say our I'm not gonna chat because he keeps saying the same stuff). Tuesday night it left the holder and found it's way to the side of the sink closest to the holder. This morning when I got up it found it's way back to the far end of the sink. LOL Funny, I didn't even see him yesterday, except briefly in the morning, but we didn't even speak to each other. Perhaps he was annoyed at my appearing to be happy despite him coming home at God knows what hour.
Wendy~ Isn't it funny how we can laugh and be angry at them the same time! lol I hope you had fun playing your Sing Star game, it sounds like a lot of fun too!! Sing your heart out girl!
So updates around here, I've been continuing to get a life, and ignore H's crazy shenanigans, and even when annoyed put on a happy face, I will not give him the reaction he wants, after all, the world does NOT revolve around him, as much as he would like to think it does.
For the 4th, a friend came over and I did some burgers and dogs on the grill for us, then we went to see Magic Mike, after which we discovered the amazing deliciousness of Sweet Frog yogurt!!! When she and I got back to my house we sat in the living room talking for a couple of minutes before H walked in (he had been gone since early in the morning). My friend has never met him before, she looked up smiled and said Hi. Big shocker H didn't respond, kind of half smiled and kept going. After my friend left I thought I would actually utilize the tv so I decided to watch something on Netflix. H kept coming through the area, seemed annoyed. He finally ended up downstairs. Oh poor baby had to watch tv downstairs with no AC, well why should I always be the one to do that?? That night he left at 8:45, and I have no idea what time he got home, I was in bed and asleep by 11. I must say, I found a movie on Netflix with H's name in it about an alien, it was called _______ the Alien! Hilariously appropriate, I thought! (I left the name blank since it is H's).
Yesterday in the morning I was determined H was not going to irritate me, I started humming as I went about my daily routine. Strangely, I don't know where this came from, but Christina Aguilera's song Fighter, came into my head (haven't heard that in years!!) so I started humming that. I was humming and dancing around as I passed the bathroom door where H was. Don't know what he thought, don't care.
Last night I had no desire to be stuck here in crazytown, so I decided to go see a movie solo. Never did that before, but it was a movie I really wanted to see and could only find one place still playing it, and they were only playing it last night, so I decided to go. It was Snow White and the Huntsman btw (Chris Hemsworth is hot, had to see it ) I didn't get home until 10, at which point H was already in his room (probably went to bed early, since gramps did keep a couple of late nights!)
This morning I have found he has bought an air conditioner for his room.... interesting.... guessing he was tired of me closing the doors to my room so the only cool air he would be getting would be from the AC in the kitchen. Who knows.... but we are apparently back in super overdrive spending spree mode.....
As for me, I have realized I have no more anxiety when he pulls his baby crap, or when's out late God knows where doing God knows what. I'm just sad anymore..... sad, hurt and disappointed...
I do give him the "attention"..... don't know if that is the DB way or not..... but hey, I have needs too! It doesn't happen often... apparently only when he is "having trouble resisting me". 