As for them "forgetting, or not remembering" I don't know if I buy that line,
As recently as two weeks ago, my husband brought up something that occured during my MLC and I absolutely do not recall acting the way he says I acted. It's not that we have "selective" memory. It's that there is so much that is going on in our heads during MLC, often some of the most traumatic and/or emotional things get pushed deep into our subconscious. I have looked at my husband a few times in the past 3 or 4 months and apologized right in the middle of a conversation about the past because I didn't remember it when I came out of the tunnel so I never really apologized for those particular things because I didnt recall them AT ALL. It stops me in my tracks to find out these "new" things from his point of view that I did back then and I don't know how long this will last. Will I still be being reminded of things 2 or 3 years from now in the middle of conversations? Fact is, it is very possible.
_____________________________________________________ I am considering doing one of these thread from Braveheart too, I know that he still posts here occassionaly and he had some very interesting threads. Stay tuned the above post is from one of these threads.
Cadet, wow we have been around awhile haven't we? Its difficult to argue with someone who has been through the MLC, and its doubly hard to do it with someone as honest as AMY was about her own experiences. In saying that, I will have to retract my statement from so many years ago. I still think many MLCers never come out of it, if they did, many more would be like Amy. Its been my experience that almost all of them move on with their lives, express no regret nor remorse for what they have done, and just generally act like its OK for them to have been or in many cases, still are Horse's Arses.
Wen's post made me think. It made me think about what "good endings" are and how that fits with the idea that if things haven't worked out, then it's not the end*.
Good to me is that I am whole. I agree with Jack (on another thread) I'd rather be LBS than MLC any day of the week. I had a front row seat for much of it. I can tell from subsequent contact that it is not a place for me. I don't ever want to live like that if I have a say in it
What used to sadden me is to know that they repress so much. We all do most likely. But the MLCr in a more pronounced way. The problem with not facing things is that they come back. Like feelings buried alive - they come back later. My ex once told me she didn't understand and didn't remember saying she never loved me. I believe that. I don't think she remembers that. I think there is much more she doesn't remember or "re-remembered". The psyche has a way of protecting itself and for good reason I'm sure. It's how we are designed.
I've learned that going through tough times, or causing issues and later having to face them is just part of life. It is what it is. We have to take the good with the bad, else it would all blend in together I think.
So did it work out "good"? I think so. I'm not happy about the impact to my children by my ex, but that's not something I have control of. Am I in a good place? Abso-friggin-lutely! I am at a place where I no longer care if she has to face or chooses not to. If she has to remember or not. I have way too many other things in my life that need and warrant my attention. Me for example...
AJ *The saying would be "all things work out for the best in the end. If it's not for the best, then it's not the end". Or something like that. It's definitely way past the end in that light... Thanks for the post Cadet.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
just generally act like its OK for them to have been or in many cases, still are Horse's Arses.
I believe that if the above is the case then they have not really finished their crisis or have some other issues that may not be MLC.
My mother is 79 and has been in some sort of crisis for about 60 years, not all of it has been MLC.
Braveheart I have been reading some of your original threads and have enjoyed the discussion on them.
On this above statement you were a realitive newbie and had only been posting here for about 6 months. The rest of the thread has some very interesting comments on it.
I have to agree with Cadet yet again based on what I've seen.
Can't fix crazy and I don't wish anyone to be crazy. Even if it seems like late onset crazy (likely is some other issue to go with that may have been latent or just plain hidden/missed.)
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
just generally act like its OK for them to have been or in many cases, still are Horse's Arses.
I believe that if the above is the case then they have not really finished their crisis or have some other issues that may not be MLC.
My mother is 79 and has been in some sort of crisis for about 60 years, not all of it has been MLC.
Braveheart I have been reading some of your original threads and have enjoyed the discussion on them.
On this above statement you were a realitive newbie and had only been posting here for about 6 months. The rest of the thread has some very interesting comments on it.
A newbie....... Long time ago! I have changed quite a lot since those days..... As far as the MLCer not finishing the journey, I agree. I don't think most of them are able to finish it for whatever reason. I've been through it twice, my father and I have no relationship and he is all about his wife and her family, and I haven't spoken to my XW in probably 5 years or so. Point is, they just move on instead of addressing and trying to make right the damage they have done to other people. I can give many other examples of people like that. People like Amy, who went through it and tried to make amends are the rarest of the rare here. In all my years here, I have only seen 2 or 3 people like that.
I can give many other examples of people like that...In all my years here, I have only seen 2 or 3 people like that.
please avoid sweeping generalizations like that.
It's similar to reading a poster who says they have read/listen/seen 1000's of cases and none of them did, X,Y, or Z.
It's disheartening to anyone reading it. While I am not Pollyanna. I also know that most people go with numbers, and your numbers, which I don't happen to agree with paint it pretty bleak.
Not arguing with you, not butting heads just asking you to tone down the Doom.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Just to add to what Jack posted, I am not sure low stats are any indicator...
We really have no idea the other side of the fence... those who have shunned the MLCer to the extent the post-MLCer is denied a foothold to forgiveness...
We really have to let the MLCer be on their path, however long that may take and wherever that may lead them... they've likely judged themselves and I'm pretty sure we need to....
Remember... depression says, "I'm a horrible, unworthy, bad person..." which is then followed by, "and IF IT WEREN'T FOR..." blame in order to help self soothe... depression needs to be victim in order to stick so the person depressed gets what they need...
