I have been reading through your old threads, I believe I am on Thread 9. I don't know how you did it. I know you don't come on here very often, but how did you have the patience to deal with everything?
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
I have been reading through your old threads, I believe I am on Thread 9. I don't know how you did it. I know you don't come on here very often, but how did you have the patience to deal with everything?
Hi KCRoo,
Thanks for dropping by. The honest answer to your question is that I have absolutely no idea. None.
I have no idea at all where I found the strength, patience and perseverance. I'm not sure if I'd even recommend people to hang on like I did because it came at a great personal cost. I struggled with PTSD-like symptoms for years afterwards and I regard my 30s as my "lost decade". I lost so much of myself in all of that and had to completely rebuild, both the marriage and me personally.
Hope this helps. Fighting for your marriage is worth it if you want it, and have the strength.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Mrs GH31 is extremely brave to put herself through that a third time. He's absolutely adorable - absolutely loved to bits by his mother, father, older sister and older brother.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I absolutely love this post. I'm going to read through everything this week.
Thanks, GH31.
Me: 52 Her: 48 2D 26 & 16 M: 25 years (together 30) EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016 Admitted SOME physical but no IC. We know that's a lie. Status - tryin to R
I hope you are still lurking. I really enjoyed reading your updates after you and your W decided to recon.
I must agree with you that there isn't much here for recon and tools to help process thru it. I would really like more on this topic. I have a few questions, if you don't mind helping.
I also think, I'm going to have to take a break from here, I don't want to because I feel obligated to help, since I received so much wonderful help, but I can tell that coming here affects my mood, reading all the hurt, pain, and trauma caused in today's Ms.
I also want to say, that all I wanted was my W back while DBing, Now i'm lost to why I feel like running all the time. I think I have been emotionally scared, and probably have PTSD from her A. But I want to move past this.
How long did it take you to get over your W A?
What tools did you use to help you heal?
How do you see your W now?
Do you ever still get remainders/flashbacks?
Why do I focus so much on her A, and not understand how much pain I caused also?
I want so much to love my W and find a way to move pass all of this, but my mind and emotions are all over the place.
Looking for some help from another DB that has gone thru the fire.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Years. I am 42 now, turning 43 in a couple of months. I look at my 30s as a lost decade.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
What tools did you use to help you heal?
In the early years post bomb it was booze, going out with friends and essentially reliving "wild times" in my 20s which I didn't experience back then.
Surfing.
Having laughs with my friends at work. They were a lifeline.
Then when the babies came I poured myself into being a father.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
How do you see your W now?
Hard to say.
The woman I married and fell in love with is back. Her memory of events back then seems sketchy at best. Every now and then I have brought something up in passing and her memory of it seems vague.
On the rare occasions when I get angry with her I start thinking about the things which happened 10 years ago.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
Do you ever still get remainders/flashbacks?
Sometimes. Much less often now.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
Why do I focus so much on her A, and not understand how much pain I caused also?
Because being cheated on is a huge deal.
If your wife has banged another man it will unleash emotions you never realised you could have in you.
How much pain did you cause? I caused my wife a lot of pain, I was always aware of how much, even though there were times I felt like finishing her off.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
Looking for some help from another DB that has gone thru the fire.
Hope I could help.
Best, GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
